welllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. with any luck a new KP will be working sooon, and this sleepless socialless androgyness (not really) existence will soon end! we already have a new chef that looks like a pirate, which is obviously pretty fly. blagged my way into the chairty event on sunday. listened to awesome accoustic (Lee plays the harmonica-who knew!) and got a shed load of free drink. And, as I am want to do when indulging, perhaps erred slightly in my judgent and then my actions....
Or did I? I kinda plucked up the courage and layed dark secrets bare, and all in all, they aint particulalry dark. slightly beige at worst really. Sometimes all it takes is a gay junkie nympho to put things in perspective.
for those not in the know about all this cryptic talk, i'll mayhap spill the juicy moist beans eventually. until then, lets all mock crappy techno by doing the robot! I'm bringing it back man, and the doubters will all be stunned.
thought of the day-God loves fools, women love bastards and everybody loves cake
Thursday 29 November 2007
Thursday 22 November 2007
whiners are weiners
what a lame ass rant that last post was. "feel sorry for meeeeeeeeee, my life is shit, wahh wahh" Hell if i dressed in black and hated my folks (I loves em) then I'd just be another crappy emo. Thing was I hadn't really slept much in the last 4 days, generally getting no more than 5 hours and sometimes quite a bit less. I occasionally go through bouts of insomnia and it really is pretty debilitating. worst one was when i was on holiday and lasted about a week. kinda scary really, was soooo spaced out was even hearing voices and worrying that moths were gonna eat me. THATS why i look like a stoner, its the lack of sleep-honest...
Finally got a good solid 8 hours or so last night so am ok now. also played geetar a lot this morning, and that always leaves bob chilled out.
chef ross got very drunk and, as drunk people often do, very accuratly precieved the catch 22 I'm in. To summarise-I don't go out much cause I don't know many people. I don't meet people cause i don't go out. maybe if eveyone didn't always go to the shitty shitty clubs i would. Too loud too hot and too busy to really meet anyone methinks. bah, makes me feel old to say that. anyhoo, the real big reason as to why i don't go out simple-i'm working.
I have sunday off this week, so hell maybe I won't go through this cycle of emmotional outlash followed by hasty appology for lack of manlyness.
thought of the day-Sleep rocks!
Finally got a good solid 8 hours or so last night so am ok now. also played geetar a lot this morning, and that always leaves bob chilled out.
chef ross got very drunk and, as drunk people often do, very accuratly precieved the catch 22 I'm in. To summarise-I don't go out much cause I don't know many people. I don't meet people cause i don't go out. maybe if eveyone didn't always go to the shitty shitty clubs i would. Too loud too hot and too busy to really meet anyone methinks. bah, makes me feel old to say that. anyhoo, the real big reason as to why i don't go out simple-i'm working.
I have sunday off this week, so hell maybe I won't go through this cycle of emmotional outlash followed by hasty appology for lack of manlyness.
thought of the day-Sleep rocks!
Tuesday 20 November 2007
i see perfect people and I sheild my eyes
Made a big mistake last weekend. Decided on friday that, despite having a 13 hour shift the following day, I'd go out and kick it free style with jane and dave in a pimps and hoes party. The plan was to go home round midnight and brace myself for tommorrows hardship. As things stood I left at 3ish with everyone else and spent the night on a friends sofa. got a few hours sleep and then went straight to work feeling very manky. by about 5pm everything was just kinda spaced out and blurry and sore. legs felt dead, feet of clay crumblin away and hands a network of cuts and scrapes from clumsy hands. Still, no one but myself to blame-after all, a young chap wantin to go out with friends and socialize? Fucking ridiculous aint it?
Felt a bit sad there actually-in the expensivo club we went to. There was a bunch of hoeishly dressed women dancin with bob-all of them spoken for-so I gotta force myself not to perv. Just find it kinda mocking and taunting in a way. It has often been stated that i'm a tad messed up in that regard. TV puts this idea in your head that a student in the big city goes out and pulls, copious sex and everyone doing everyone. then you get there with your little village mentality, find out its all a bit shallow and the guys are arses and the women are bitches and you can't even start to try and meet someone cause you don't have a clue how. blah blah blah so loney lah lah lah the love of a good woman would make everything sooo much better. kinda doubt it really.
Reckon thats the 1st time I dropped the F bomb here actually. bob is a changing. time was when folk at highschool made fun of me cause I wouldn't swear and now i'm cussin away like a dirty old bastard deprived of his hooch. aint the only change either. couple years ago i was generally described as being aimiable and laid back to the horizontal. a discription of me now goes along the lines of "angry alkey" readin back made me realise basically every entry was marred by talk of boozing so i guess that's how i come across.
so sunday was shit to, chef came in pished as a fart and had to make sure he actaully cooked stuff right. had some real problems gettin to sleep cause i was just too damn sore. monday was uber stressed after learning of an assignent due that very day. fortunatly it was the highly anticiptaed JCW night out wooooo. Drank a lot and just spilled my guts out to Ross, which i found to be highly theraputic. see ladies, we manly men got loads a feelings all bubblin away like a bit of potASSium in water, just need the hooch to make em surface. no mans an island but we all act like icebergs, only a little bit of ourselfs pokin out the top. bit of a mistake-see a trend emerging?-as i failed to catch up on all the sleep and readin i been missin out on.
thought of the day-gays fine, but camps a bit bloody annoying
Felt a bit sad there actually-in the expensivo club we went to. There was a bunch of hoeishly dressed women dancin with bob-all of them spoken for-so I gotta force myself not to perv. Just find it kinda mocking and taunting in a way. It has often been stated that i'm a tad messed up in that regard. TV puts this idea in your head that a student in the big city goes out and pulls, copious sex and everyone doing everyone. then you get there with your little village mentality, find out its all a bit shallow and the guys are arses and the women are bitches and you can't even start to try and meet someone cause you don't have a clue how. blah blah blah so loney lah lah lah the love of a good woman would make everything sooo much better. kinda doubt it really.
Reckon thats the 1st time I dropped the F bomb here actually. bob is a changing. time was when folk at highschool made fun of me cause I wouldn't swear and now i'm cussin away like a dirty old bastard deprived of his hooch. aint the only change either. couple years ago i was generally described as being aimiable and laid back to the horizontal. a discription of me now goes along the lines of "angry alkey" readin back made me realise basically every entry was marred by talk of boozing so i guess that's how i come across.
so sunday was shit to, chef came in pished as a fart and had to make sure he actaully cooked stuff right. had some real problems gettin to sleep cause i was just too damn sore. monday was uber stressed after learning of an assignent due that very day. fortunatly it was the highly anticiptaed JCW night out wooooo. Drank a lot and just spilled my guts out to Ross, which i found to be highly theraputic. see ladies, we manly men got loads a feelings all bubblin away like a bit of potASSium in water, just need the hooch to make em surface. no mans an island but we all act like icebergs, only a little bit of ourselfs pokin out the top. bit of a mistake-see a trend emerging?-as i failed to catch up on all the sleep and readin i been missin out on.
thought of the day-gays fine, but camps a bit bloody annoying
Thursday 15 November 2007
Wednesday 14 November 2007
missused words of a mispent day
“I miss them. I miss feeling close to God. Belonging to something bigger than myself. And I am so sick and tired of being alone. Drifting further away from friends and being too proud and too lazy to swim back.”
Jack “Makes us feel real special when you go on like that right in front of us boy”
Glen “Aye ya bastard. And there’ll be no talk of the big yin whilst I’m aboot”
“They say we are all a little god to ourselves. Granting our own self serving prayers. Condemning and forgiving on a whim. Casting down those that just don’t measure up. Oh man my heads hurts. Better take my medicine. When you got a condition like I do it’s a bad idea to not take your medicine”
Glen “…You know you’re in trouble when you wash down pills with booze”
“Whatever takes the edge off the day and the rust off the night. I’ll stop when my mind hushes”
Glen “And the worms ate into his brain, ya wee pussy. Only reason I drink is to avoid getting a job”
Jack “Back home we have a fine ole tradition of drinking to stop thinking”
“As well as slavery and abuse of women”
Glen “Ha, stuck it to ya there ya fat yank”
Jack “Racism and wife beating bein entirely foreign to this here neck of the woods eh?”
“Lads lads. Let’s try for a bit of transatlantic tolerance eh. There’s so much our cultures could take and forcefully give to each other.”
Jack “well Sah, I propose we send all the ugly over to your country and take in all the foxy”
Glen “Don’t be daft, Scotland’s obese, aint no one foxy to take”
Jack “The U S of A aint?”
“And here’s me thinking it’s about what’s in the inside”
Jack “Inside the pants. You need yourself a woman boy. They might cost a tidy sum to maintain, but they almost always cause less damage to your liver”
“True, they tend to aim a bit higher…or a bit lower. I do miss having someone to hold though. Winters coming and the bed is oh so cold”
Glen “He just needs a shag. Absence makes the cock grow fonder”
“Yet e’re it causes the hand to wander…”
Jack “Wow, slow down boy. Least wait till we’re gone fore you whip out your .40”
“Hmm, you might be right. Well gentlemen, it has been an absolute pleasure but I fear it is time to retire”
He picked u up his two friends and carefully made his way to the kitchen. Once there he opened the fridge and put them back
“Night guys”
“Donde esta el bibliotech pedro?”
“Quiet Jose. It’s not my fault there was no salt or lime”
Jack “Makes us feel real special when you go on like that right in front of us boy”
Glen “Aye ya bastard. And there’ll be no talk of the big yin whilst I’m aboot”
“They say we are all a little god to ourselves. Granting our own self serving prayers. Condemning and forgiving on a whim. Casting down those that just don’t measure up. Oh man my heads hurts. Better take my medicine. When you got a condition like I do it’s a bad idea to not take your medicine”
Glen “…You know you’re in trouble when you wash down pills with booze”
“Whatever takes the edge off the day and the rust off the night. I’ll stop when my mind hushes”
Glen “And the worms ate into his brain, ya wee pussy. Only reason I drink is to avoid getting a job”
Jack “Back home we have a fine ole tradition of drinking to stop thinking”
“As well as slavery and abuse of women”
Glen “Ha, stuck it to ya there ya fat yank”
Jack “Racism and wife beating bein entirely foreign to this here neck of the woods eh?”
“Lads lads. Let’s try for a bit of transatlantic tolerance eh. There’s so much our cultures could take and forcefully give to each other.”
Jack “well Sah, I propose we send all the ugly over to your country and take in all the foxy”
Glen “Don’t be daft, Scotland’s obese, aint no one foxy to take”
Jack “The U S of A aint?”
“And here’s me thinking it’s about what’s in the inside”
Jack “Inside the pants. You need yourself a woman boy. They might cost a tidy sum to maintain, but they almost always cause less damage to your liver”
“True, they tend to aim a bit higher…or a bit lower. I do miss having someone to hold though. Winters coming and the bed is oh so cold”
Glen “He just needs a shag. Absence makes the cock grow fonder”
“Yet e’re it causes the hand to wander…”
Jack “Wow, slow down boy. Least wait till we’re gone fore you whip out your .40”
“Hmm, you might be right. Well gentlemen, it has been an absolute pleasure but I fear it is time to retire”
He picked u up his two friends and carefully made his way to the kitchen. Once there he opened the fridge and put them back
“Night guys”
“Donde esta el bibliotech pedro?”
“Quiet Jose. It’s not my fault there was no salt or lime”
Monday 12 November 2007
So if your love won't grow and the rivers don't flow
I've worked out why this blog sucks. Its cause I don't write stuff down as its happening, or even any time near when it happened. Time dimming the memory and thus the words recording it, making it seem less than what it was.
Minds been wandering a lot recently, due to learning of some news that puts pretty much many things in the harsh light of perspective. The news itself being the death of someone I knew at highschool. calling them a friend would be stretching things to the extreme, but we'd all like to think we weren't bastards to folk that have passed. Mortality always makes me have a good think about morality, it being something I am keenly intresteted in. generally after its too late to put into effect.
so I saw two gallants at the classic Grand. very nice venue, small enough so you can be 5 feet from your heroes. of course I went alone, and in that respect I was in good company-two G's being the kinda music you listen to alone. Planted myself at the bar and had a good session. one man laughed at my constant orders of vodka strongbow and sambucca-big drink little drink cardboard shot-but hell I never vommited. and again 2G's the kinda band you listen to well and truly drunk. Also there was a really really awesome support band Blitzen trapper, that rocked my socks off. so much so that I actually regreted(!!!) investing my mula in liver damage and not their album. and of course an encore of waves of grain rounded off the night nicely. In short you'd be damn hard pressed and squashed to find a live band that plays with as much passion and raw energy as these two dudes do.
Weekend shift was uber tough, what with xxxmas fast approaching. understaffed under valued and underpaid as we are we got through it, with me and Chef ross getting good and sozzled on a sly bottle of vodka. But then I sobered up and just felt bloody tired. Shifts aint so shitty this week as a lesbian has once again rode in and saved the day. with this newfound time on my hands i'm hopin to travel aboot and reaquaint myself with some old friends.
thought of the day-people are the way they are and theres generally a damn good reason behind it.
Minds been wandering a lot recently, due to learning of some news that puts pretty much many things in the harsh light of perspective. The news itself being the death of someone I knew at highschool. calling them a friend would be stretching things to the extreme, but we'd all like to think we weren't bastards to folk that have passed. Mortality always makes me have a good think about morality, it being something I am keenly intresteted in. generally after its too late to put into effect.
so I saw two gallants at the classic Grand. very nice venue, small enough so you can be 5 feet from your heroes. of course I went alone, and in that respect I was in good company-two G's being the kinda music you listen to alone. Planted myself at the bar and had a good session. one man laughed at my constant orders of vodka strongbow and sambucca-big drink little drink cardboard shot-but hell I never vommited. and again 2G's the kinda band you listen to well and truly drunk. Also there was a really really awesome support band Blitzen trapper, that rocked my socks off. so much so that I actually regreted(!!!) investing my mula in liver damage and not their album. and of course an encore of waves of grain rounded off the night nicely. In short you'd be damn hard pressed and squashed to find a live band that plays with as much passion and raw energy as these two dudes do.
Weekend shift was uber tough, what with xxxmas fast approaching. understaffed under valued and underpaid as we are we got through it, with me and Chef ross getting good and sozzled on a sly bottle of vodka. But then I sobered up and just felt bloody tired. Shifts aint so shitty this week as a lesbian has once again rode in and saved the day. with this newfound time on my hands i'm hopin to travel aboot and reaquaint myself with some old friends.
thought of the day-people are the way they are and theres generally a damn good reason behind it.
Wednesday 7 November 2007
can I borrow your face just to unload my mind
Seems some folk are viewing this blog as a desperate cry for help. Its actually a healthy vent for the VAST amount of homoerrotic urges I get. but not really.
On monday I died. on tuesday i felt comparatively better. Thats the cycle I'm in right now. work work work the weekend. have a tough day of lectures on mon and sleep for 12 hours, then on tues OMG get to hang with friends and do social things. only did so for a mere two hours before fleeing to work. to be fair it was a reasonable shift with drunkeness seeing me through the start and free ice cream seeing me to the end. I've kinda stopped worrying about the whole showing up half cut thing. everyone else does it so who am I to stand apart from the unsteady herd. I was also invited to the gay chefs "I survived death threats in a taxi" house party. may well attend, if only to make the occasional innappropriate homophobic remark.
TWO GALLANTS THURSDAY. It has be awesome. it most certainly will be a lonely affair, but thats just how I role baby.
I bought broken saints on DVD. makin my way through it and although it still kicks ass, aint exactly fillinf the ole spiritual dyson like it did the first time arround.
On monday I died. on tuesday i felt comparatively better. Thats the cycle I'm in right now. work work work the weekend. have a tough day of lectures on mon and sleep for 12 hours, then on tues OMG get to hang with friends and do social things. only did so for a mere two hours before fleeing to work. to be fair it was a reasonable shift with drunkeness seeing me through the start and free ice cream seeing me to the end. I've kinda stopped worrying about the whole showing up half cut thing. everyone else does it so who am I to stand apart from the unsteady herd. I was also invited to the gay chefs "I survived death threats in a taxi" house party. may well attend, if only to make the occasional innappropriate homophobic remark.
TWO GALLANTS THURSDAY. It has be awesome. it most certainly will be a lonely affair, but thats just how I role baby.
I bought broken saints on DVD. makin my way through it and although it still kicks ass, aint exactly fillinf the ole spiritual dyson like it did the first time arround.
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