Bobs zany misadventure

AKA-night out with brother and assorted people. though the adventure didn't really start until 3am when everyone left without my knowing. First of all by then, i was pretty hammered, but in a good non spewy or memory lossy way. grab some random food from a take away and start talking to some random people. They invite me back to theirs and i'm in a very much why the hell not kinda mood. so stagger on back to some part of glasgow aint never been to before, and gab away drinking beer.

OHH you know things are going down hill when i drink beer-because i hate beer and will only indulge when i can't really taste it. anyways, we're gabbing away about random shit, and i almost set the couch on fire with cigs-gotta nice burn in my jumper as a result. after a few more beers the sinking feeling that i might spew hits me-sop i try and wash it away with a few more beers! amazingly didn;t work, however there was no urgency to it, and i prob coulda held it down if i tried. yet probably aint really good enough when your among strangers, so i calmly toddle to the bathroom and do the unnessicary. steal some toothpaste so no one will smell it offa me.

when i get back, everyones passed out on the couches, so its time to make a move. get my ass out and try and get my bearings. figure if i head downhill then...well thats about as far as my logic would work. find myself on the motorway at one point. an hour later i find myself at glasgow uni and finally know where i am. i glare at it, with its swanky architechture and general betterness to strathclyde. contemplate pissing on it-i really need to go-but it must be used to envious eyes and bladders, cause theres gates around it and know doubt force fields and lasers bought with superior funding. eventually i find Stoke college and piss on that. no one would mind or notice.

6 am when i get home. it's too light to sleep, too early for breakfast, so i just lie and stare into space until lunchtime-then go out and get nachos!

as i told the girl at work, its great to tell these stories later on when your recovered. but during...well you just want the whole thing over with. so nobody feel envious of bobs zany misadventure

a lifetime measured in alcohol units

Pretty damn tired. it was only yesterday that i realised i am in fact doing a 50 hour week. need the money though, so just get on down to it. Turning intoa personal philosophy actually-shit happens so deal with it. almost done anyway, just an all day sunday left. then maybe some time home to collect my scattered thoughts and shattered body. the reason why home has such rejuvinating qualities is two fold. uno-there is an old victorian bath which is big enough for me to fit more than 1/3 of my body in (i always opt for the middle 3rd). and Big duo-being an incredibly light sleeper requires total silence and pitch blackness-something easiy achived there. as it stands i've taken to wearing a dark t-shirt over my face like one of them mask things. manly!

tonight shall see some brotherly lovin as me and andaroo hit the town and shoot the shit from the hip. and we shall engulf anyone in our way with the patented kilgour incest manwich, and believe me you don't wanna be the meat!

Too much healthy living is bad for you. all that happens is you eventually totally lose it and explode into drunken drug fueled orgies. look at all the train track hookers that used to be mormons. farrrrrr better the occasional indulgence, tempered by a healthy dose of self loathing.

thought of the day-i don't care how many times its said, it'll never get old to tell americans to watch their friendly fire while playing halo 3

On the other hand

More than one of my friends have told me that their parents have informed them that they were a mistake. Which is where a smart person would jump in and score some brownie points (insert garry glitter joke) by replying "Well, i'm glad they did" or similar. However, i think that these modern newage parents that plan their pregnancies generally have some sinister motive. Namely trying to achive through their kids or push them to do things that the parents wanted to do. Far better that a child be brought in through spontaneous desicion than have its life planned out before its even zygoted.

Dunno if i was a mistake or not. maybe something to ask. or not.probably talking bullshit. so lets be more lighthearted. Edward scissor hands could make cash on the side as a professional circumscisor, or a back alley abortionist.

Uni creeps ever closer. I think i will be a lot happier once its back up and running. not that i'm exactly a mess right now or anything. but, as i said to my boss at work, people do seek out drama in their lifes. damn you TV. if it weren't for david attenborough you would be a wholey evil and manipulative thing

Feeling down? Grow a beard!

I'm doing so right now! and who says men can't multi task. well, women obviously. and perhaps post op transvestites.

Pretttttyyyyyyyyyyy rough actually. The thing that annoys me about my boozing is that i sober up pretty fast to the state of hangover. combine this with the fact i;m an incredibly light sleeper means no beddy bye for bob. still, do the crime pay the time.

Gay pride march thing was on saturday, where they all did great things to dispel sterotypes by being loud, flamboyant, wearing impressively tight revealing clothes and (i shit you not) playing the YMCA. best slogan? "putting the ride in gay pride" There were a bunch of ladies in wheel chiars as well, and i wondered if there'd been a mix up and they went to the wrong rally. then my friend informs me that apparently many lesbians have a fettish for such things. she then proceeded to tell me about her friend who purposly got her leg amputated so she would feel "more whole" A cynical person might mishear this and assume my friend had said "feel more hole" which is what i did.

The march was kinda scary a bit really, and not because I'm a homophobe. There were loads and loads of police there and i heard tell that middle aged men were going on down for the sake of causing trouble and beating up gays. no doubt in actual fact they're all closet homosexuals and are trying to cop a feel in a discreet fashion. All in all, my boss quite aptly summed it up when he said he never minded the gays "until they had this fuckin parade" Some good has come of it though, with the extravagant outfits reawakening my passion for "Josephs technicoloured dream coat" And i have decided if finance permits, to try and aquire one.

finally saw escape from L.A Pretttyyyyy bad actually, especially when snake and an aging hippy surf assult a jeep. still, we must thank it for giving birth to MGS, plus Kurt russels hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thought of the day-you have blind, deaf, and mute. but what do you call someone whos sense of smell aint working?

the environment is playing possum

Theres this tower block concierge place i walk past everyday when i go into town. its not very appealing on the eye, big grey monoliths that look tired and old, Nicely contrasted by the urban retro main housing office bit at the front. Anyoo, recently builders have stuck giant scaffolding around them and are sticking large ceramic squares up the walls, like some sort of giant building cocoon. Will the tower blocks emerge as beautiful balconied structures with flowers and venetian blinds? I'm guessing no

Also, was doing some tidying and alphaomegatising (cause that what the word really should be, first and last letters to show it encompasses ALL the greek thingies) my book case, when i found something that made me go "eh?" does that happen to anyone else, where they find a book they had no idea they had and wondered where the hell it came from? Anyhoo, it being MY bookcase it was actually a comic. Scott Pilgrim-precious little life. Did i nab that off anyone without remembering? It's reasonably good, though basically a webcomic that, through dint of being real, you must pay! for.

After ploughing my way through the first bunch of mediocre big o episodes (and realising that its that same damn voice actor from every other anime ever) I'm on to the good stuff. This is what giant robots should look like! Big cumbersome things operated with pedals and levers that look like they were made by a pissed off soviet union. Not bloody streamlined androgenous samurai. Megas XLR had it right. I guess if anyone wants to borrow Big O (which as it turns out is also slang for orgasm) they are welcome to. should warn you though, it only makes vague sense if you've seen the original metropolis, made by ze germans (and devoid of any minorities i noticed)

Kind of getting cabin fever once again. not talked to anyone outside work since sunday. only my self to blame of course. accepted extra shifts cause i actually neeeed the money. next week is back to full time as the other guy scores yet more bloody holiday pay. Me and head chef were discussing if we get shafted (your damn right) on ours then its a pretty strong incentive to get our chefs arsed arses outta there.

thought of the day-due to its watery nature, ramen turns out to be pretty good for hangovers.

damn you invisible signals

After succesfully buying crap online using my debit card, and whoreing myself with good feedback, i figure if my identity hadn't been thefted yet i could push a bit further. And so I tried to top up my phone via debit card. FOOOL! nopw my balance reads £[]vfds[pkfap[k8587ef2eyd9#;/.#/. so appologies for (continuing) not to text back, i was gonna do it this time honest, but mt phone is once again being used only as a watch.

Also, if you consider that the seed inside a peach is a baby, then all you mudering bastards are eating vaginas and wombs!

thought of the day-is it blasphemey to think crash team racing was better than mariokart?

possible band names

I like to sing and play geetar. and that in my mind is all it takes to form a band. plus a kick ass name!

*Freudian Clit
*Badger in the bakers
*Acid reflux
*Sleepless dream
*the purple headed farriers
*Master bear Baiters
*cling
*The sauce
*wookiepedia
*macho rainbow
*Ass blaster 5000
*Planet sized world
*The death of top cat
*Blundercats
*Harry potter and the mistimed errection
*heamorroid hiatus
*carcinogenic tree
*pokemon fur is murder
*power vocal mimes
*errant pube

I better stop now. And tell you a bit about the decline of music. it is of course linked to the decline of any decent lyrics. now i know lyrics don't make a song, but certainly when you compare some bob dylan

"The man in me will hide sometimes to keep from bein' seen,
But that's just because he doesn't want to turn into some machine"

to "I kissed a girl, I liked it"


and of course the floyd

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
And shorter of breath and one day closer to death"

to "I'm blue dabba dee dabba di dabba di dabba di dabbda di dabba di"

anyway the screens gone funny and i can't see what i'm writing so well, so this post is herebye pointless