its happening to us all

She typed with closed fists, only the index fingers extended and hands held crab like. Pushing down on each key with twice as much force as necessary she slowly and ponderously punched her way through the sign up procedure. It was like watching continental drift, with each tectonic movement requiring a strata of questions for which I was forced to provided the answers.

“Click OK. No left click, not right click. You need to tick that box. Don’t push that. Ok, hit return. It’s the big one, no the other big one.”

Each failure was blamed on me and Bill Gates. Each success attributed to her own fortitude. Finally, in the space of time it took for me to drink three beers, she was finally connected.

“Ah ha!” she declared “Now what do I do?”

“Well, you could upload pictures, or customize your profile, or add friends...”

“Yes, I want to do that.”

We typed in names and wades through pages. It wasn’t only her that was surprised just who was part of facebook. Even Granddad was there, though his profile picture seemed deceptively youthful.

Finally the dreaded moment arrived

“And of course I’ll have to add you.”

“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that”

“Why not. We’re friends aren’t we.”

“We’re family mum. It’s completely different.”

“Oh piffle. Why won’t you add me?”

“There are many many compromising photos of me. Many scandalous lies pertaining to my moral character.”

“Well if you don’t do it, then I’ll…tell facebook on you! I’ll report you for abuse!” she clicked around, trying to find the appropriate page, before asking me how to get there. I declined.

“Well then you better get me another voddy from the kitchen!”

I agreed, and helped myself to one while I was there. When I returned I discovered to my horror that she had added all of my friends instead.

“looks like you’re friends like me more than you” she said

“Jokes on you, dearest mama. They have to accept your initiations. And I’ll be damned if I’m letting that happen.”

The next day, my friends had all accepted her.

cause I was too drunk to remember it last night

I dreamed a dream
of things absurd
and when I woke
I spoke a word

The word was pain
upon my tongue
its taste was strange
it's shape was wrong

I spoke it twice
first hard then soft
I spoke it thrice
My tongue fell off

It should be clear
This poems theme
Never ever
speak words from dreams

Lone Wolf

All alone for the next 3 weeks, what with better half giving me up for ashy dead people and christians feeding lions in rome. trying to be fairly frugal as well, given that I'm (hopefully) moving flat at the end of the month. Given a replacement has already been found for my current accomodation its quite the imperative that i find somewhere.

But the wheels are in motion and viewings have been arranged. Cream of the crop as far as online pictures go so far is a delightful little den on dick street. and yes half the reason for wanting to live there is the hilarity that will ensue from late night taxi's home.

So between these two things and the dullness of work bobby is not much of a party goer right now. All set to change of course when the second half of the two gallants, one Mr Ross Palmerson, arrives on the scene for his birthday bonanza. I'm taking him to a delicious fish and chip establishment followed by some rather fruity cocktails. And yes, essentially I am using him as a temp date.

I have literally nothing to do today. Don't really want to buy anything as its just more shit to carry away-despite my worst attempts no one wants a shitty 12 (well 10) string guitar.

Sandwich time. the subway kind, not the club dancing kind

Thought of the day-they should really commission another series of how not to live your life, I love that show!

Last night lead to today

I sat hung-over on the steps. The sun bore down and every time I blinked it seemed my lids were too hot for my eyes. There was a pigeon in front of me, eating vomit that could possibly be mine, while another pigeon was trying in vain to get up on behind it and do the deed. It seemed an apt metaphor for my life, though I wasn’t sure with which one my sympathies lied. Sweat continued to pour out of my body in a steady stream, while the fluids involved around the whole breathing part of me congealed further.

Yep, school was going to be a bitch today

The bell rang, longer and louder than it had any right to, and the great seething mass of dull young minds made their way to wherever they should be. I myself couldn’t face such a challenge right now, and went somewhere I shouldn’t be for a sly smoke.

I went into the toilets and sat in the cubical, taking a moment to collect myself and light one up. Maybe it was the darkness or the steady flow of water, but right then, surrounded as I was by stale piss and paper towels, I felt a moment of almost Zen like tranquality. It would be no hard task for me just to lay my head on the toilet roll, and close my eyes forever.

Of course the second bell, signalling the end of registration went off, and that was my signal to do the same thing. I’d had enough, and hooky was the only way out while maintaining sanity (and sanitation to, going by my smell) Once outside had quieted down I peered out, and made my way down the hall to sweet sweet freedom.

“David!” came a harsh grating voice.

I turned, doomed.

“Yes Mr Fisher?”

“Shouldn’t you be in class young man?”

Young man. What a dick, he was only 5 years older than me.

“I was…just on my way.” I said turning around.

“I think another talk in my office is due soon”

“I look forward to it already, but I better be going, don’t want to be even later!” I faked a laugh and side stepped to safety before he could say another word.

I found the hateful door and opened it. Of course the room was filled with un-openable windows which the sun was facing full on. All beams seemed to converge on my desk. Taking a deep breath, I strode in and faced the music, noting with bad humour today’s lesson plan.


“Ok class” I said, returning the suns glare with one of my own “Today we are going to learn about photosynthesis.”

flippin the birds sick brother

I done messed up a finger, but it aint one of the important ones, just the ring finger (as if i'll be using it for THAT anytime soon) But it does rule out my ultimate frisbee career for the time being.

I'm also kinda locked out of my own flat, but though bobby is poor in pocket, he is as rich as Donald Trump and Scrooge McDuck combined in friends, so there is a plethora of beds, floors and bathtubs that are a mere phone call away.

Current plans for the future (for I am graduating quite soon) include getting a robert pattinson -or R Patz as he is to me me-haircut, glittering myself up and seeing the new twilight when it comes out. As you can see, i'm not really one for long term strategems, But what they may lack in scope, they make up for in detail.

went to the zoooooo. saw a monkeys dong

its a depressing day when you realise your girlfriend parties harder than you.

"cast them oats into the sea, me hearties"

Had the grad prom and looked very dashing. Course I don't know if i've actually graduated yet, as in a shrewd move to sell more tickets the prom is before exam results.

Apparently when i'm kilted up I resemble the Scottish oats guys evil dark brother. Also some drunk french chick was convinced i was in point of fact a pirate. Both of these are things i could easily live with, and should I fail to come up with any other career path they will be welcome alternatives.

Still broke

mysteries of the internet

For some reason that i've yet to figure typing in "tomas nevergrin" into google images comes up with a picture of yours truly (2nd page) This of course finally settles the matter as to what i should call my band and or pen name.

In other news i bought a kilt. i was also advised by the lady to got black for socks and shirt, partly because i'm quite dark (with equilvelant levels of tall and handsome) but mainly because her dress is black and it would flatter her more.

And now I'm quite broke. but only in the sense that i have no money and not that I'm in tremendous amounts of debt. in fact in all probablity, and equity aside i'm most likely the wealthiest family member.

thought of the day-why is it the hotter the day, the fatter the topless men?