Well it seems old bobby boy has hit a new low in his life, and lets be honest a large portion of which has been spent closer to the ground than the sky. what was it this time, you zaney chap? I hear you cry. well it all started with the amazing idea to start drinking at 11am. Hardly crazy, considering it was the last day of class and all. But as always moderation failed me and those damn appltinis sure pack a whollap.
So, 6 hours later i remember i have a date to get to. tickets have been booked for the cinema and hugh jackman awaits (swoon) So i stagger on up and pretty much assult my girlfrined in a playful manner outside das kino. Unfortunatly times must be troubled as it turns out the cinema now employs door staff.
"Sorry, but you've had too much to drink. have a coffee and come back in an hour"
It took a while to sink in, but when i realised, i took it well. fair play to the gent, i was none too steady on my feet. however, my lady friend had to endure the SHAME of asking for a refund, and the reason had to be recorded on paper. Customers boyfriend was too intoxicated to be allowed entry. Now i know what you're all thinking-HOW AWESOME IS ROBERT. the answer-VERY!
no idea why but young miss DIDN'T kick the shit out of me later, mainly because i am a VERY affectionate drunk. its the only times i'll admit to having feelings.
Also, how many now adults do you think have been screwed up for having seen apparent"childrens" film watership down when they were kids.
ALSO my new thing is when peeing in close quaters at a urinial with other gentlemen (or women with funnley things) is to quote ghostbusters and say "don't cross the streams!" little side not, i've finlly sussed out my mini diesseration project angle. the title is-Technology and the supernatural-the machines of ghost busting. Finally got back my essay where i talked about g-strings as well. 57%! get it up you floss butts!
Thursday, 30 April 2009
Sunday, 19 April 2009
my rattle bag
The Fruit Bowl
In the fruit bowl there are
Three yellow oranges.
Two wee kiwis.
A fermenting apple.
A honey dew melon-
crowned by the web
of a money spider.
Lots and lots of dust-
dead skin on fruit skin
A guilty onion
And....a goldfish
that doesn't remember
why it is there.
In the fruit bowl there are
Three yellow oranges.
Two wee kiwis.
A fermenting apple.
A honey dew melon-
crowned by the web
of a money spider.
Lots and lots of dust-
dead skin on fruit skin
A guilty onion
And....a goldfish
that doesn't remember
why it is there.
Saturday, 11 April 2009
that shit aint legit
Imagined conversation in Glasgow English lit- "And so, by examining architechture that was typical of the time of Charlote Bronte's Jane Eyer, we can see how one culturual medium-the design of rooms, has effected another, the instances of listening-hearing and eves dropping in Jane Eyer."
"I see how it effects the semantics, but what about the prominant liminal zones?"
Real conversation in strathclyde english lit-"J.K Rowling was clearing an anti-semite, as exemplfied by her characterisations of goblins as large nosed suspicious bankers that don't trust the burgious wizards"
"Shut up Robert"
Imagined conversationat in cally english lit- some people think shakespeare might have been gay...
You're gay!
...or even a woman
You're a woman! Woo lesbians!
"I see how it effects the semantics, but what about the prominant liminal zones?"
Real conversation in strathclyde english lit-"J.K Rowling was clearing an anti-semite, as exemplfied by her characterisations of goblins as large nosed suspicious bankers that don't trust the burgious wizards"
"Shut up Robert"
Imagined conversationat in cally english lit- some people think shakespeare might have been gay...
You're gay!
...or even a woman
You're a woman! Woo lesbians!
Sunday, 5 April 2009
doublethink
Tried to watch 1984 on youtube just now, and of course the internet being the kind of place it is-parts of it were censored. IRONY
also, best youtube debate ever!
I disagree. It says in the bible that God is love, and as we all know, NOTHING is stronger than God!
robfisher1 (2 weeks ago)
Reply
what about a wrestler?
silk88 (2 weeks ago) Show Hide
Reply
You Ass. That wasn't even funny
robfisher1 (1 week ago) Show Hide
I dunno, some wrestlers are pretty strong...
also, best youtube debate ever!
I disagree. It says in the bible that God is love, and as we all know, NOTHING is stronger than God!
robfisher1 (2 weeks ago)
Reply
what about a wrestler?
silk88 (2 weeks ago) Show Hide
Reply
You Ass. That wasn't even funny
robfisher1 (1 week ago) Show Hide
I dunno, some wrestlers are pretty strong...
Friday, 3 April 2009
shitty plot synopsis
Jonathan Nightingale is an apathetic Ambulance driver that lives in Glasgow. When he is on call he takes naps in the morgue of the Royal Infirmary, as it is the only quiet part of the hospital. During one such moment, his pager goes off and he is called out. It is shown that he never turns his siren on because of the loud noise it makes. He arrives at the house very late because he gets stuck in traffic, and discovers an old woman on the floor with a broken arm, having fallen down the stairs. She berates him for being so late, but Jonathan remains unconcerned, and tells her that 80% of ambulance call outs are for non life endangering incidents, like hers. He loads the complaining women into the ambulance and drives off
When taking her details at the hospital he notes that she shares the same unusual surname as a girl he went to school with and had a crush on- Sarah Lamorte, and so waits around with the hope that she will show up to pick up her grandmother. Eventually she does and he greets her warmly. She thanks him for “saving” her grandmother and after some awkwardness he secures a date with Sarah.
During their date Jonathan reveals his past crush to Sarah and tells her that at school she was the only one that didn’t bully him. It is revealed that all the other children made fun of Jonathan and thought he was strange and “creepy” because his father was an undertaker. During his youth Jonathan would frequently see dead bodies and become comfortable in the sight of death. He tells Sarah that this was how he got his job as an ambulance driver, as he is not fazed by bodies. Sarah tells Jonathan that he is doing good work and is saving lives. Jonathan presses her for information about herself and she reluctantly tells him that she works in an abortion clinic. She tells him that it is the only well paid job she could get in short notice when her boyfriend left her and with their baby. Jonathan laughs at the irony of working in the abortion clinic so she can provide for her son, and Sarah awkwardly joins in.
Jonathan thinks the date is going well but at the end Sarah tells him that she only agreed to go because she felt grateful for him taking her mother to hospital. She asks him not to be upset, and Jonathan lies tells her he is not. She leaves him and when she is gone Jonathan breaks down into a deep depression.
Later, back at the hospital Jonathan is lying in the morgue again staring despondently into space. His pager goes off again and he reluctantly gets up to drive out to the source of trouble in a run down part of Glasgow. Here he finds a beggar, slowly dying in the street from a heart attack. The person who made the call, a well dressed business man is standing over him, and immediately leaves when Jonathan arrives; coldly explaining that he has a meeting in the morning. When Jonathan tries to question the man why he didn’t cover the beggar with his jacket, the man angrily tells him that both he and his jacket are more “important” than the beggar, and walks off.
Rather than help the beggar, Jonathan questions him, asking what his heart feels like right now and comparing it to the pain Jonathan feels in his own. The beggar dies before he can answer and Jonathan muses how much more peaceful he looks. He remembers how his father once told him that “despite the life they might live, all men find dignity in death” Jonathan gently folds the dead beggars’ arms and closes his eyes, then leaves.
Initially worried about getting in trouble, Jonathan soon realises that no one cares what happens to “unimportant” people, after he finds no significant news coverage of the beggars’ death in the news. During several other call outs to beggars Jonathan explains to them his newfound philosophy about death, and offers them a lethal amount of drugs in order to make their passing easier rather than continue their “wretched existence” As the beggars are frequently drunk or mentally disabled, many of them accept Jonathans offer, and die with smiles on their faces as Jonathan comforts them and tells them not to be afraid. Jonathan also begins to spend all his nights in the morgue, sleeping with a slight smile on his face as well, with all the others he has “cured of life”
Some time after this, and still not having been caught, Jonathan gets a call to a house in the eastside of Glasgow, where he notes that life expectancy is the shortest. The address sounds familiar to him, and then he realises it’s where Sarah said she lived. Because he still has feelings for her, Jonathan drives recklessly there, even turning his siren on. Once he arrives he is greeted by a tearful but unharmed Sarah, who rushes him upstairs to her baby, who has possibly suffered cot death. In an emotional scene, Jonathan does all he can to save the baby, but is too late and can do nothing.
Sarah breaks down and wails with despair. She tells Jonathan that she hurts so much and that her grief feels like she is breaking in two from the inside out. She cradles the dead baby in her arm and refuses to let it go. Jonathan tries to comfort her, and slowly takes her downstairs to the ambulance. He tells her he can make her pain end if she wants him to, and she agrees. Jonathan administers a fatal dose of morphine and Sarah slowly falls asleep on the ambulance bed, baby still cradled in her arm. She dies quietly and Jonathan lies on the bed next to her, imagining a life where they were together and happy.
When taking her details at the hospital he notes that she shares the same unusual surname as a girl he went to school with and had a crush on- Sarah Lamorte, and so waits around with the hope that she will show up to pick up her grandmother. Eventually she does and he greets her warmly. She thanks him for “saving” her grandmother and after some awkwardness he secures a date with Sarah.
During their date Jonathan reveals his past crush to Sarah and tells her that at school she was the only one that didn’t bully him. It is revealed that all the other children made fun of Jonathan and thought he was strange and “creepy” because his father was an undertaker. During his youth Jonathan would frequently see dead bodies and become comfortable in the sight of death. He tells Sarah that this was how he got his job as an ambulance driver, as he is not fazed by bodies. Sarah tells Jonathan that he is doing good work and is saving lives. Jonathan presses her for information about herself and she reluctantly tells him that she works in an abortion clinic. She tells him that it is the only well paid job she could get in short notice when her boyfriend left her and with their baby. Jonathan laughs at the irony of working in the abortion clinic so she can provide for her son, and Sarah awkwardly joins in.
Jonathan thinks the date is going well but at the end Sarah tells him that she only agreed to go because she felt grateful for him taking her mother to hospital. She asks him not to be upset, and Jonathan lies tells her he is not. She leaves him and when she is gone Jonathan breaks down into a deep depression.
Later, back at the hospital Jonathan is lying in the morgue again staring despondently into space. His pager goes off again and he reluctantly gets up to drive out to the source of trouble in a run down part of Glasgow. Here he finds a beggar, slowly dying in the street from a heart attack. The person who made the call, a well dressed business man is standing over him, and immediately leaves when Jonathan arrives; coldly explaining that he has a meeting in the morning. When Jonathan tries to question the man why he didn’t cover the beggar with his jacket, the man angrily tells him that both he and his jacket are more “important” than the beggar, and walks off.
Rather than help the beggar, Jonathan questions him, asking what his heart feels like right now and comparing it to the pain Jonathan feels in his own. The beggar dies before he can answer and Jonathan muses how much more peaceful he looks. He remembers how his father once told him that “despite the life they might live, all men find dignity in death” Jonathan gently folds the dead beggars’ arms and closes his eyes, then leaves.
Initially worried about getting in trouble, Jonathan soon realises that no one cares what happens to “unimportant” people, after he finds no significant news coverage of the beggars’ death in the news. During several other call outs to beggars Jonathan explains to them his newfound philosophy about death, and offers them a lethal amount of drugs in order to make their passing easier rather than continue their “wretched existence” As the beggars are frequently drunk or mentally disabled, many of them accept Jonathans offer, and die with smiles on their faces as Jonathan comforts them and tells them not to be afraid. Jonathan also begins to spend all his nights in the morgue, sleeping with a slight smile on his face as well, with all the others he has “cured of life”
Some time after this, and still not having been caught, Jonathan gets a call to a house in the eastside of Glasgow, where he notes that life expectancy is the shortest. The address sounds familiar to him, and then he realises it’s where Sarah said she lived. Because he still has feelings for her, Jonathan drives recklessly there, even turning his siren on. Once he arrives he is greeted by a tearful but unharmed Sarah, who rushes him upstairs to her baby, who has possibly suffered cot death. In an emotional scene, Jonathan does all he can to save the baby, but is too late and can do nothing.
Sarah breaks down and wails with despair. She tells Jonathan that she hurts so much and that her grief feels like she is breaking in two from the inside out. She cradles the dead baby in her arm and refuses to let it go. Jonathan tries to comfort her, and slowly takes her downstairs to the ambulance. He tells her he can make her pain end if she wants him to, and she agrees. Jonathan administers a fatal dose of morphine and Sarah slowly falls asleep on the ambulance bed, baby still cradled in her arm. She dies quietly and Jonathan lies on the bed next to her, imagining a life where they were together and happy.
fisting the armgina's elbow clit
Really hungover right now, was a to bed at 4am job last night. thats after the 3 mile walk between joes flat and mine. totally owned at drunk chess though, with the wronksie feint dominating all. And i spited the road closure at duke street and solid snaked my way under the fence. EXTREME. also me and stew play "THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND" where you randomly shout that at couples making out to scare the dudes-and possibll the chicks. be awesome to say it to lesbians. saw an urban fox as well, which i take as a sign of good luck.
Apparently i'm on holiday for 2 weeks, but don't much feel it. basically signed by soul to work for one of em-doing 50 hours. still money money money. gotta keep busy and all that. right when all the nice wheather starts as well. reckon my sexy sweat rash will come back-watch out ladies!
speaking of which, if my girlfriend hasn't gone done and bugger off home for 3 weeks. how dare she want to see her parents! totally gonna convert to mormonism when shes away-father coon and brother ashua have been urging me for weeks. Poligamy for all!
thought of the day-A man can spend his entire life thinking of his epitaph
Apparently i'm on holiday for 2 weeks, but don't much feel it. basically signed by soul to work for one of em-doing 50 hours. still money money money. gotta keep busy and all that. right when all the nice wheather starts as well. reckon my sexy sweat rash will come back-watch out ladies!
speaking of which, if my girlfriend hasn't gone done and bugger off home for 3 weeks. how dare she want to see her parents! totally gonna convert to mormonism when shes away-father coon and brother ashua have been urging me for weeks. Poligamy for all!
thought of the day-A man can spend his entire life thinking of his epitaph
Wednesday, 1 April 2009
Blinkers
Mathew Murdock strode down the street, fully confident in both his progress and his destination. He stared straight ahead, eyes on the prize and no blinking. His focus was so great that he failed entirely to notice the man and the boy coming in from the side, until they were both right upon him. He was not surprised by their appearance however. His peripheral vision often failed him, though it was not something he would give a moments thought to. Anyway, he had been expecting to meet the man that now stood in front of him. They shared the same destination after all.
“Hello Issac” Mathew said, greeting the man warmly and shaking his hand. “Looking forward to the vote?”
The man, who allowed his hand to be shaken, laughed dryly. “Looking forward? No, not really. But at least there are other choices available to me”
“Now now Isaac,” said Mathew, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. “You’ve known for some weeks now that this has been coming. And about time to if you ask me. It really is indecent that a certain type of man is to be excluded from holding public office”
“And I see, quite clearly in fact, that the certain type of man you are referring to is of course yourself” Isaac replied.
“Indeed” said Mathew. “I’ve made little secret of it”
“An enemy in plain sight” muttered Isaac.
“Ha yes very good. But we live in a civilized age, and it is only fair that the disabled have equal access to the opportunity of serving the people as anyone else”
Mathew nodded to himself in agreement but Isaac stared at him incredulously. He gestured to the child, who had been standing patiently at his side, bright eyed and alert. “You remember my son Nathanael?”
Mathew nodded and beamed down at the child.
“Keep watching him then” Isaac told him. Mathew obliged and looked on. He saw Isaac giving a sandwich to the boy. He saw Issac whispering something in his ear and the boy nod. And he saw the boy stride away to a vague harmless looking shape. The rest was indistinct, until the boy returned, empty handed.
“What just happened?” demanded Isaac.
“I don’t know” confessed Mathew. “Nothing important I’m sure”
“Well, I guess that’s just your point of view. Not that I expect you to be troubled by it, self maimed as you are”
“Nope” Mathew said happily. “However, there is something I wanted to say to you” He put his arm around Isaac and drew him away from Nathanael. “Listen,” he said in a confiding tone. “I don’t want to tell you how to raise your son, but don’t you think you’re being cruel? I mean it’s important to protect our children and…”
“Lie to them?” cut in Isaac.
“We think nothing of telling them there’s a large red man coming down the chimney once a year to give them presents. Anyway, if you continue being the kind of parent you are, and letting your son be like that…well I can’t in good conscience allow him to play with my kid. Nathanael’s already upset him several times, and when he comes crying to me and asking why he can’t see what your son does, I have to answer some very awkward questions”
He looked at Isaac beseechingly, and said in an even lower voice “If it’s a question of money…”
Isaac sneered at him “I hear the fashion is now to get Blinkers installed right after the umbilical cord is cut”
“Well it’s certainly convenient, given that you’re right there in the hospital. And they do have a lifetime guarantee on them”
“I guess if you had them since birth, then you would never know of any other world, than the narrow, grey around the edges one that you see in front of you”
“Looking nowhere but ahead means you get there quicker. You’ve seen the great work I’ve done, and how efficient I am about it. I have helped a great number of people, there’s no denying it”
“Only those whom you see eye to eye with”
Mathew finally lost his patience “Look, live your life staring into the shadows and loosing your self in them, but I intend to walk the path of the straight and narrow. And let me tell you, once I take your job, I will have child protection services onto you. It is cruel to let Nathanael see the world as you see it, and we will get him a set of permanent blinkers, like me. And all the pain and suffering that you’ve made him bear witness to, it will all become nothing but a glimmer at the edge of sight. Then we shall see what’s what”
Turing stiffly, he strode down the road towards public office, where the vote would be held. Shaking his head, Isaac walked besides him, though of course Mathew could not see this.
Walking some slight distance behind, Nathanael brought up the rear. When he passed another small wavering shadow, he gave it a little doll he had been given for Christmas but thought too girly for himself. He had heard little of the conversation, and instead had been thinking about the silly thing his gran had told him earlier that day. It made no sense, how could he have his fathers’ eyes?
“Hello Issac” Mathew said, greeting the man warmly and shaking his hand. “Looking forward to the vote?”
The man, who allowed his hand to be shaken, laughed dryly. “Looking forward? No, not really. But at least there are other choices available to me”
“Now now Isaac,” said Mathew, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. “You’ve known for some weeks now that this has been coming. And about time to if you ask me. It really is indecent that a certain type of man is to be excluded from holding public office”
“And I see, quite clearly in fact, that the certain type of man you are referring to is of course yourself” Isaac replied.
“Indeed” said Mathew. “I’ve made little secret of it”
“An enemy in plain sight” muttered Isaac.
“Ha yes very good. But we live in a civilized age, and it is only fair that the disabled have equal access to the opportunity of serving the people as anyone else”
Mathew nodded to himself in agreement but Isaac stared at him incredulously. He gestured to the child, who had been standing patiently at his side, bright eyed and alert. “You remember my son Nathanael?”
Mathew nodded and beamed down at the child.
“Keep watching him then” Isaac told him. Mathew obliged and looked on. He saw Isaac giving a sandwich to the boy. He saw Issac whispering something in his ear and the boy nod. And he saw the boy stride away to a vague harmless looking shape. The rest was indistinct, until the boy returned, empty handed.
“What just happened?” demanded Isaac.
“I don’t know” confessed Mathew. “Nothing important I’m sure”
“Well, I guess that’s just your point of view. Not that I expect you to be troubled by it, self maimed as you are”
“Nope” Mathew said happily. “However, there is something I wanted to say to you” He put his arm around Isaac and drew him away from Nathanael. “Listen,” he said in a confiding tone. “I don’t want to tell you how to raise your son, but don’t you think you’re being cruel? I mean it’s important to protect our children and…”
“Lie to them?” cut in Isaac.
“We think nothing of telling them there’s a large red man coming down the chimney once a year to give them presents. Anyway, if you continue being the kind of parent you are, and letting your son be like that…well I can’t in good conscience allow him to play with my kid. Nathanael’s already upset him several times, and when he comes crying to me and asking why he can’t see what your son does, I have to answer some very awkward questions”
He looked at Isaac beseechingly, and said in an even lower voice “If it’s a question of money…”
Isaac sneered at him “I hear the fashion is now to get Blinkers installed right after the umbilical cord is cut”
“Well it’s certainly convenient, given that you’re right there in the hospital. And they do have a lifetime guarantee on them”
“I guess if you had them since birth, then you would never know of any other world, than the narrow, grey around the edges one that you see in front of you”
“Looking nowhere but ahead means you get there quicker. You’ve seen the great work I’ve done, and how efficient I am about it. I have helped a great number of people, there’s no denying it”
“Only those whom you see eye to eye with”
Mathew finally lost his patience “Look, live your life staring into the shadows and loosing your self in them, but I intend to walk the path of the straight and narrow. And let me tell you, once I take your job, I will have child protection services onto you. It is cruel to let Nathanael see the world as you see it, and we will get him a set of permanent blinkers, like me. And all the pain and suffering that you’ve made him bear witness to, it will all become nothing but a glimmer at the edge of sight. Then we shall see what’s what”
Turing stiffly, he strode down the road towards public office, where the vote would be held. Shaking his head, Isaac walked besides him, though of course Mathew could not see this.
Walking some slight distance behind, Nathanael brought up the rear. When he passed another small wavering shadow, he gave it a little doll he had been given for Christmas but thought too girly for himself. He had heard little of the conversation, and instead had been thinking about the silly thing his gran had told him earlier that day. It made no sense, how could he have his fathers’ eyes?
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