If i had fish I'd name them after fonts

Guess who totally scored a bottle of ketel one vodka last night? MEEEEEE. Hopefully no one will realise that the only reason I am buying such an extragant liquid is because it keeps getting mentioned in the now web comic of choice Achewood. Whoops! too late. But maybe, deep down, I wanted to be caught. It's certainly true that that shit is smoooooth man.

Last nights zany antics inspired this poem for my next creative writing class. Blame Bukowski for making me think its ok to write about shit like this.



Damn you Mr Daniels

I am riddled with shots
from a duel with a
Southern gentleman

My insides feel like
They’re trying to make it outside
A peristalsis betrayal

Stomach is trying
To copy Russian gymnasts
Summersault assults

My body, filled with sin
Casts the first stones
At my kidneys

A cowardly liver
Turns yellow at the sight
Of its mighty workload

Whilst my bladder
Taunts me
With its weakness

Robert in...BLUNDERLAND

Wouldn't you know it, they moved my bloody essay submission date a whole month the wrong way. and due to a lack of observance at the critical moment i only found this out on the bloody day it was due. Cue 3000 words of sheer pish in 2 days from me, the worst of which was my confidently declaring that Alice in wonderland was a text promoting veganism.

Also, wheres a brother to buy to ketel one vodka in Glasgow???

shades

man i gotta find a reason to wear shades more often than just when i'm hungover

lyrics for drunken guitar playing

Modern times make a clockwork mind
Mines gone rusty from the daily grind
So I lube it up with weak willed liquor
To make the week pass by quicker

To make it pass I’ll make some passes
Stare at tits and grab some asses
Come the morn you can smell the musk
Split like glue and piss like rust

What say you to a heart slow beating?
Rest your head on my central heating
Sweat will stick and cling like dew
As you lie with me while I lie to you

I got more tears than a crocodile
Got more dreams than a paedophile
Full of more shite than a sewer pipe
My souls an arse that needs a wipe

Never grin at a sharks fin

Insomnias hit me again, and my eyes feel a few sizes too big for their sockets. Reckon I'll go on a long late walk so i get my z's for work tommorow.

I have some strange ways of trying to get to sleep. here are a few

• I imagine i am being buried under the earth, each spadeful weighing me deeper into sleep
• I picture me sinking into warm black oil
• I pretend Derren Brown is hypnotising me with a big gold watch
• I count the different parts of a sheep jumping over a fence and re-assembling on the other side
• i try to use my brain as a radio to tune into FM Dreams

We did the 12 hour challenge once again, although for me personally it was more like 10 and a half. And some might say that it went rather well (not me though, considering how many drinks i got for other folk)

My dissertation supervisor gave me the vote of confidence yesterday. Basically said that a decent mark was in the bag if i contined as i was. And I'm not exactly straining myself. As always, the bob is all about la Sprezzatura.

Motivation has been hard to come by lately, despite a fairly eager start. i suspect its more to do with health, diet and exercises than any deep rooted melancholy.

A bit about me

I remember being small and thinking I had super powers-namely the ability to tolerate supreme heat. Story goes that i used to take baths all the time (back when i could actually fit in the tub) And these baths would be scorchio hot hot, as hot as i could stand. And i realised that if i waited long enough, i'd eventually get used to it and be able to have even hotter water in the tub. i would do this for hours, thinking i was getting towards boiling point and evolving or training my body to take it. The idea that i had just waited so long that the water had cooled down again never once entered my head.

And that is why......all my sperm are dead

Abraham Drinkin

The presidents only company on haloween was the first lady's

which shows what happens when you don't plan

still, learned to tie a bow tie