I'm blogging. FACT!

BLUURGH, full time work again. 30 hours in 3 days, plus it's busy busy busy with the good weather. And to add insult to injury, my title of "the handsome one" has been usurped by handsome paul! Damn him and his deep brown eyes, honey dew skin and flowing hair. Still, means the females tip bigger, so probably a financial win. Plus it turns out i am now on a dazzling 6 pound and hour. perhaps down to working bloody hard, but more likely to do with turning 21.

Passed exams, so i gues that means I'm now a BA. holding out till next year so i can be a BA hons.

the last few weeks have been down right abusive, what with me showing up to work pissed twice (no one notices a difference) and on one occasion drinking so much my tongue started bleeding. truly i am a role model foe young children everywhere. I blame bukowski. reading his shit just makes me want to drink. And take dark pleasure in my hangovers. no one hungover ever had to question their existence. And it is one way of sticking it to both the capitalists and communists.

I am also rediculously late to the trend, but have discovered Dr horribles sing along blog. and guess who'll be going as captain hammer this haloween. ME. FACT!

Every sentence can be made more awesome by putting the word fact at the end. FACT. Just picture yourself at the bar. "I'll have 3 jack daniels and coke FACT!"

quote of the YEAR-the ankles are like the knees of the feet

crazy times

i showed up drunk at work the other day, still running merry on the fumes from last night. i know i looked drunk and certainly acted drunk, declaring loudly about how work trys to keep a man down from his proper state of existence, and yet no one gave a shit. maybe its because half the other folks that work there do the exact same thing, or maybe its because they just expect it of me. what i do know is that the first 3 hours zoomed by, at which point i sobered up and the next 3 CRAWLED.

dave the rave came in. did a velma from scooby doo impression, and was EXTREMELY surely in the morning. but all in all a fun time was had by all. except my hat was stolen in camp arse. again.

then another night there was opperation gay, which was me trying to scam the homosexuals into buying me drinks by pretending to be one of them. i even wore a sailor hat (though surpisingly the gay bar was devoid of village people) cut a long story short a lot of men said a lot of nice things to me but by then i had gotten myself good and drunk and was makin sweet moves on my hoe. foshizzle.

thought of the day-isn't it a bit pointless to advertise HD tv on a normal tv?

summer to do list

• finish novel(a)
• finish play
• Learn all the words to we didn't start the fire
• construct beer pong stadium
• heal
• get ass up to preforming standards with guitar
• grow a thick mane of glorious hair
• try and not offend anymore single mums (they hold a mean grudge!)
• buy some clothes that fit
• MAYBE suit up
• be awesome

Whoops, just cross that last one off as already done!

alternative like a knee to the groin

Feel I've been neglecting old Betsy here for a while, so time to post some new shit. watched the MTV Movie awards, and not surprised to see twlight getting an unfair amount of goldage. Vanessa Hudgens was PRETTY PO'd about missing out on best kiss as well. Also got THX 1138 for no other reason than it was £3. It's pretty lame, but after reading 1984 every single distopian novel or film seems lame in comparison. Betcha big bucks that Orwell had a time machine, and in fact that H.G Wells is just a very lazy psedonome he went by. Also read Kafka's the trial. Felt dumb for not following it well, then relieved when i learned it was never actually finished.

My 21st came and went. got a guitar (a fender no less) which means in my room there is now 4 guitars, a ukelele, a harmonica and a metronone. couple that with all the books, graphic novels and empty booze bottles I'd like to think someone would stroll in and say "my my, what a cool happening guy must live here." Providing they had no sense of smell of course.

I've started a vicious rumour that my girlfiend spikes all my food and drink with booze, knowing that it softens my adamantium heart and i become exponentially more affectionate while drunk. it's the sneakist excuse ever for mild alcoholism.

thought of the day-you'd think that hospices would be subject to frequent orgies. i mean what else is gonna happen if you stick a bunch of people together that are soon to die

Kidney hangover

Everyone gets hangovers
but mine are kinda special
I don't get them in my head
I get them in my kidneys!

How can kidneys be hungover?
yet they twist and writhe and bite
like two horny snakes
trying to fuck

And everyone gives me advice
Drink water! Shower! Spew!
Eat fry ups! Run! Wank!
Pah, I do all those anyway

But no one offers me THEIR kidneys
all fully functioning
with perfect nephrons.
Damn those tight fisted bastards

stuff is happening

I remember hearing once, that utopia and dystopia are the same thing. In a dystopian society there is no choice as eveything is chosen for you, while in a utopian soceity there is no need for choice, as everything is perfect. Point is be very wary of anyone that bangs on about utopia.

Apparently our university is being sold off in chunks, and every course that doesn't have "pracitcal applications" ie that isn't engineering, pharmacology, prosphetics (i hear we educate people to make great fake legs) is being stream lined. Like a turd. so it's a bad time indeed to be doing an english course. And i can only imagine the level of mocking when i graduate with a degree in creative writing. I know that language students have had to go to the other university in order to complete their course, as the language department has effectively been shown the door. and you should have seen the module selection thing for next years classes, was lame beyond lame. only thing that jumped out at me was childerens lit.

Star Trek was good, what with an alcoholic womanising kirk stealing the show. kinda ruined my captain pike piece though, and time travel is and forever will be lame. I'm getting a bit sick and tired of it as a plot device, and Lost lost some major respect points when it slipped that finger in. also romulans? who gives a shit about romulans. a cold evil vulcan would have been a far better antagonist

bah, exams are getting to me. seems the more you study the more you worry. I never stressed two weeks ago. on the plus i actually have a reason to learn about sir fancis bacon, who's name always captures my ravenous attention

A new low

Well it seems old bobby boy has hit a new low in his life, and lets be honest a large portion of which has been spent closer to the ground than the sky. what was it this time, you zaney chap? I hear you cry. well it all started with the amazing idea to start drinking at 11am. Hardly crazy, considering it was the last day of class and all. But as always moderation failed me and those damn appltinis sure pack a whollap.

So, 6 hours later i remember i have a date to get to. tickets have been booked for the cinema and hugh jackman awaits (swoon) So i stagger on up and pretty much assult my girlfrined in a playful manner outside das kino. Unfortunatly times must be troubled as it turns out the cinema now employs door staff.
"Sorry, but you've had too much to drink. have a coffee and come back in an hour"
It took a while to sink in, but when i realised, i took it well. fair play to the gent, i was none too steady on my feet. however, my lady friend had to endure the SHAME of asking for a refund, and the reason had to be recorded on paper. Customers boyfriend was too intoxicated to be allowed entry. Now i know what you're all thinking-HOW AWESOME IS ROBERT. the answer-VERY!

no idea why but young miss DIDN'T kick the shit out of me later, mainly because i am a VERY affectionate drunk. its the only times i'll admit to having feelings.

Also, how many now adults do you think have been screwed up for having seen apparent"childrens" film watership down when they were kids.

ALSO my new thing is when peeing in close quaters at a urinial with other gentlemen (or women with funnley things) is to quote ghostbusters and say "don't cross the streams!" little side not, i've finlly sussed out my mini diesseration project angle. the title is-Technology and the supernatural-the machines of ghost busting. Finally got back my essay where i talked about g-strings as well. 57%! get it up you floss butts!