I'm blogging. FACT!

BLUURGH, full time work again. 30 hours in 3 days, plus it's busy busy busy with the good weather. And to add insult to injury, my title of "the handsome one" has been usurped by handsome paul! Damn him and his deep brown eyes, honey dew skin and flowing hair. Still, means the females tip bigger, so probably a financial win. Plus it turns out i am now on a dazzling 6 pound and hour. perhaps down to working bloody hard, but more likely to do with turning 21.

Passed exams, so i gues that means I'm now a BA. holding out till next year so i can be a BA hons.

the last few weeks have been down right abusive, what with me showing up to work pissed twice (no one notices a difference) and on one occasion drinking so much my tongue started bleeding. truly i am a role model foe young children everywhere. I blame bukowski. reading his shit just makes me want to drink. And take dark pleasure in my hangovers. no one hungover ever had to question their existence. And it is one way of sticking it to both the capitalists and communists.

I am also rediculously late to the trend, but have discovered Dr horribles sing along blog. and guess who'll be going as captain hammer this haloween. ME. FACT!

Every sentence can be made more awesome by putting the word fact at the end. FACT. Just picture yourself at the bar. "I'll have 3 jack daniels and coke FACT!"

quote of the YEAR-the ankles are like the knees of the feet

crazy times

i showed up drunk at work the other day, still running merry on the fumes from last night. i know i looked drunk and certainly acted drunk, declaring loudly about how work trys to keep a man down from his proper state of existence, and yet no one gave a shit. maybe its because half the other folks that work there do the exact same thing, or maybe its because they just expect it of me. what i do know is that the first 3 hours zoomed by, at which point i sobered up and the next 3 CRAWLED.

dave the rave came in. did a velma from scooby doo impression, and was EXTREMELY surely in the morning. but all in all a fun time was had by all. except my hat was stolen in camp arse. again.

then another night there was opperation gay, which was me trying to scam the homosexuals into buying me drinks by pretending to be one of them. i even wore a sailor hat (though surpisingly the gay bar was devoid of village people) cut a long story short a lot of men said a lot of nice things to me but by then i had gotten myself good and drunk and was makin sweet moves on my hoe. foshizzle.

thought of the day-isn't it a bit pointless to advertise HD tv on a normal tv?

summer to do list

• finish novel(a)
• finish play
• Learn all the words to we didn't start the fire
• construct beer pong stadium
• heal
• get ass up to preforming standards with guitar
• grow a thick mane of glorious hair
• try and not offend anymore single mums (they hold a mean grudge!)
• buy some clothes that fit
• MAYBE suit up
• be awesome

Whoops, just cross that last one off as already done!

alternative like a knee to the groin

Feel I've been neglecting old Betsy here for a while, so time to post some new shit. watched the MTV Movie awards, and not surprised to see twlight getting an unfair amount of goldage. Vanessa Hudgens was PRETTY PO'd about missing out on best kiss as well. Also got THX 1138 for no other reason than it was £3. It's pretty lame, but after reading 1984 every single distopian novel or film seems lame in comparison. Betcha big bucks that Orwell had a time machine, and in fact that H.G Wells is just a very lazy psedonome he went by. Also read Kafka's the trial. Felt dumb for not following it well, then relieved when i learned it was never actually finished.

My 21st came and went. got a guitar (a fender no less) which means in my room there is now 4 guitars, a ukelele, a harmonica and a metronone. couple that with all the books, graphic novels and empty booze bottles I'd like to think someone would stroll in and say "my my, what a cool happening guy must live here." Providing they had no sense of smell of course.

I've started a vicious rumour that my girlfiend spikes all my food and drink with booze, knowing that it softens my adamantium heart and i become exponentially more affectionate while drunk. it's the sneakist excuse ever for mild alcoholism.

thought of the day-you'd think that hospices would be subject to frequent orgies. i mean what else is gonna happen if you stick a bunch of people together that are soon to die

Kidney hangover

Everyone gets hangovers
but mine are kinda special
I don't get them in my head
I get them in my kidneys!

How can kidneys be hungover?
yet they twist and writhe and bite
like two horny snakes
trying to fuck

And everyone gives me advice
Drink water! Shower! Spew!
Eat fry ups! Run! Wank!
Pah, I do all those anyway

But no one offers me THEIR kidneys
all fully functioning
with perfect nephrons.
Damn those tight fisted bastards