Everyone gets hangovers
but mine are kinda special
I don't get them in my head
I get them in my kidneys!
How can kidneys be hungover?
yet they twist and writhe and bite
like two horny snakes
trying to fuck
And everyone gives me advice
Drink water! Shower! Spew!
Eat fry ups! Run! Wank!
Pah, I do all those anyway
But no one offers me THEIR kidneys
all fully functioning
with perfect nephrons.
Damn those tight fisted bastards
Thursday, 4 June 2009
Thursday, 14 May 2009
stuff is happening
I remember hearing once, that utopia and dystopia are the same thing. In a dystopian society there is no choice as eveything is chosen for you, while in a utopian soceity there is no need for choice, as everything is perfect. Point is be very wary of anyone that bangs on about utopia.
Apparently our university is being sold off in chunks, and every course that doesn't have "pracitcal applications" ie that isn't engineering, pharmacology, prosphetics (i hear we educate people to make great fake legs) is being stream lined. Like a turd. so it's a bad time indeed to be doing an english course. And i can only imagine the level of mocking when i graduate with a degree in creative writing. I know that language students have had to go to the other university in order to complete their course, as the language department has effectively been shown the door. and you should have seen the module selection thing for next years classes, was lame beyond lame. only thing that jumped out at me was childerens lit.
Star Trek was good, what with an alcoholic womanising kirk stealing the show. kinda ruined my captain pike piece though, and time travel is and forever will be lame. I'm getting a bit sick and tired of it as a plot device, and Lost lost some major respect points when it slipped that finger in. also romulans? who gives a shit about romulans. a cold evil vulcan would have been a far better antagonist
bah, exams are getting to me. seems the more you study the more you worry. I never stressed two weeks ago. on the plus i actually have a reason to learn about sir fancis bacon, who's name always captures my ravenous attention
Apparently our university is being sold off in chunks, and every course that doesn't have "pracitcal applications" ie that isn't engineering, pharmacology, prosphetics (i hear we educate people to make great fake legs) is being stream lined. Like a turd. so it's a bad time indeed to be doing an english course. And i can only imagine the level of mocking when i graduate with a degree in creative writing. I know that language students have had to go to the other university in order to complete their course, as the language department has effectively been shown the door. and you should have seen the module selection thing for next years classes, was lame beyond lame. only thing that jumped out at me was childerens lit.
Star Trek was good, what with an alcoholic womanising kirk stealing the show. kinda ruined my captain pike piece though, and time travel is and forever will be lame. I'm getting a bit sick and tired of it as a plot device, and Lost lost some major respect points when it slipped that finger in. also romulans? who gives a shit about romulans. a cold evil vulcan would have been a far better antagonist
bah, exams are getting to me. seems the more you study the more you worry. I never stressed two weeks ago. on the plus i actually have a reason to learn about sir fancis bacon, who's name always captures my ravenous attention
Thursday, 30 April 2009
A new low
Well it seems old bobby boy has hit a new low in his life, and lets be honest a large portion of which has been spent closer to the ground than the sky. what was it this time, you zaney chap? I hear you cry. well it all started with the amazing idea to start drinking at 11am. Hardly crazy, considering it was the last day of class and all. But as always moderation failed me and those damn appltinis sure pack a whollap.
So, 6 hours later i remember i have a date to get to. tickets have been booked for the cinema and hugh jackman awaits (swoon) So i stagger on up and pretty much assult my girlfrined in a playful manner outside das kino. Unfortunatly times must be troubled as it turns out the cinema now employs door staff.
"Sorry, but you've had too much to drink. have a coffee and come back in an hour"
It took a while to sink in, but when i realised, i took it well. fair play to the gent, i was none too steady on my feet. however, my lady friend had to endure the SHAME of asking for a refund, and the reason had to be recorded on paper. Customers boyfriend was too intoxicated to be allowed entry. Now i know what you're all thinking-HOW AWESOME IS ROBERT. the answer-VERY!
no idea why but young miss DIDN'T kick the shit out of me later, mainly because i am a VERY affectionate drunk. its the only times i'll admit to having feelings.
Also, how many now adults do you think have been screwed up for having seen apparent"childrens" film watership down when they were kids.
ALSO my new thing is when peeing in close quaters at a urinial with other gentlemen (or women with funnley things) is to quote ghostbusters and say "don't cross the streams!" little side not, i've finlly sussed out my mini diesseration project angle. the title is-Technology and the supernatural-the machines of ghost busting. Finally got back my essay where i talked about g-strings as well. 57%! get it up you floss butts!
So, 6 hours later i remember i have a date to get to. tickets have been booked for the cinema and hugh jackman awaits (swoon) So i stagger on up and pretty much assult my girlfrined in a playful manner outside das kino. Unfortunatly times must be troubled as it turns out the cinema now employs door staff.
"Sorry, but you've had too much to drink. have a coffee and come back in an hour"
It took a while to sink in, but when i realised, i took it well. fair play to the gent, i was none too steady on my feet. however, my lady friend had to endure the SHAME of asking for a refund, and the reason had to be recorded on paper. Customers boyfriend was too intoxicated to be allowed entry. Now i know what you're all thinking-HOW AWESOME IS ROBERT. the answer-VERY!
no idea why but young miss DIDN'T kick the shit out of me later, mainly because i am a VERY affectionate drunk. its the only times i'll admit to having feelings.
Also, how many now adults do you think have been screwed up for having seen apparent"childrens" film watership down when they were kids.
ALSO my new thing is when peeing in close quaters at a urinial with other gentlemen (or women with funnley things) is to quote ghostbusters and say "don't cross the streams!" little side not, i've finlly sussed out my mini diesseration project angle. the title is-Technology and the supernatural-the machines of ghost busting. Finally got back my essay where i talked about g-strings as well. 57%! get it up you floss butts!
Sunday, 19 April 2009
my rattle bag
The Fruit Bowl
In the fruit bowl there are
Three yellow oranges.
Two wee kiwis.
A fermenting apple.
A honey dew melon-
crowned by the web
of a money spider.
Lots and lots of dust-
dead skin on fruit skin
A guilty onion
And....a goldfish
that doesn't remember
why it is there.
In the fruit bowl there are
Three yellow oranges.
Two wee kiwis.
A fermenting apple.
A honey dew melon-
crowned by the web
of a money spider.
Lots and lots of dust-
dead skin on fruit skin
A guilty onion
And....a goldfish
that doesn't remember
why it is there.
Saturday, 11 April 2009
that shit aint legit
Imagined conversation in Glasgow English lit- "And so, by examining architechture that was typical of the time of Charlote Bronte's Jane Eyer, we can see how one culturual medium-the design of rooms, has effected another, the instances of listening-hearing and eves dropping in Jane Eyer."
"I see how it effects the semantics, but what about the prominant liminal zones?"
Real conversation in strathclyde english lit-"J.K Rowling was clearing an anti-semite, as exemplfied by her characterisations of goblins as large nosed suspicious bankers that don't trust the burgious wizards"
"Shut up Robert"
Imagined conversationat in cally english lit- some people think shakespeare might have been gay...
You're gay!
...or even a woman
You're a woman! Woo lesbians!
"I see how it effects the semantics, but what about the prominant liminal zones?"
Real conversation in strathclyde english lit-"J.K Rowling was clearing an anti-semite, as exemplfied by her characterisations of goblins as large nosed suspicious bankers that don't trust the burgious wizards"
"Shut up Robert"
Imagined conversationat in cally english lit- some people think shakespeare might have been gay...
You're gay!
...or even a woman
You're a woman! Woo lesbians!
Sunday, 5 April 2009
doublethink
Tried to watch 1984 on youtube just now, and of course the internet being the kind of place it is-parts of it were censored. IRONY
also, best youtube debate ever!
I disagree. It says in the bible that God is love, and as we all know, NOTHING is stronger than God!
robfisher1 (2 weeks ago)
Reply
what about a wrestler?
silk88 (2 weeks ago) Show Hide
Reply
You Ass. That wasn't even funny
robfisher1 (1 week ago) Show Hide
I dunno, some wrestlers are pretty strong...
also, best youtube debate ever!
I disagree. It says in the bible that God is love, and as we all know, NOTHING is stronger than God!
robfisher1 (2 weeks ago)
Reply
what about a wrestler?
silk88 (2 weeks ago) Show Hide
Reply
You Ass. That wasn't even funny
robfisher1 (1 week ago) Show Hide
I dunno, some wrestlers are pretty strong...
Friday, 3 April 2009
shitty plot synopsis
Jonathan Nightingale is an apathetic Ambulance driver that lives in Glasgow. When he is on call he takes naps in the morgue of the Royal Infirmary, as it is the only quiet part of the hospital. During one such moment, his pager goes off and he is called out. It is shown that he never turns his siren on because of the loud noise it makes. He arrives at the house very late because he gets stuck in traffic, and discovers an old woman on the floor with a broken arm, having fallen down the stairs. She berates him for being so late, but Jonathan remains unconcerned, and tells her that 80% of ambulance call outs are for non life endangering incidents, like hers. He loads the complaining women into the ambulance and drives off
When taking her details at the hospital he notes that she shares the same unusual surname as a girl he went to school with and had a crush on- Sarah Lamorte, and so waits around with the hope that she will show up to pick up her grandmother. Eventually she does and he greets her warmly. She thanks him for “saving” her grandmother and after some awkwardness he secures a date with Sarah.
During their date Jonathan reveals his past crush to Sarah and tells her that at school she was the only one that didn’t bully him. It is revealed that all the other children made fun of Jonathan and thought he was strange and “creepy” because his father was an undertaker. During his youth Jonathan would frequently see dead bodies and become comfortable in the sight of death. He tells Sarah that this was how he got his job as an ambulance driver, as he is not fazed by bodies. Sarah tells Jonathan that he is doing good work and is saving lives. Jonathan presses her for information about herself and she reluctantly tells him that she works in an abortion clinic. She tells him that it is the only well paid job she could get in short notice when her boyfriend left her and with their baby. Jonathan laughs at the irony of working in the abortion clinic so she can provide for her son, and Sarah awkwardly joins in.
Jonathan thinks the date is going well but at the end Sarah tells him that she only agreed to go because she felt grateful for him taking her mother to hospital. She asks him not to be upset, and Jonathan lies tells her he is not. She leaves him and when she is gone Jonathan breaks down into a deep depression.
Later, back at the hospital Jonathan is lying in the morgue again staring despondently into space. His pager goes off again and he reluctantly gets up to drive out to the source of trouble in a run down part of Glasgow. Here he finds a beggar, slowly dying in the street from a heart attack. The person who made the call, a well dressed business man is standing over him, and immediately leaves when Jonathan arrives; coldly explaining that he has a meeting in the morning. When Jonathan tries to question the man why he didn’t cover the beggar with his jacket, the man angrily tells him that both he and his jacket are more “important” than the beggar, and walks off.
Rather than help the beggar, Jonathan questions him, asking what his heart feels like right now and comparing it to the pain Jonathan feels in his own. The beggar dies before he can answer and Jonathan muses how much more peaceful he looks. He remembers how his father once told him that “despite the life they might live, all men find dignity in death” Jonathan gently folds the dead beggars’ arms and closes his eyes, then leaves.
Initially worried about getting in trouble, Jonathan soon realises that no one cares what happens to “unimportant” people, after he finds no significant news coverage of the beggars’ death in the news. During several other call outs to beggars Jonathan explains to them his newfound philosophy about death, and offers them a lethal amount of drugs in order to make their passing easier rather than continue their “wretched existence” As the beggars are frequently drunk or mentally disabled, many of them accept Jonathans offer, and die with smiles on their faces as Jonathan comforts them and tells them not to be afraid. Jonathan also begins to spend all his nights in the morgue, sleeping with a slight smile on his face as well, with all the others he has “cured of life”
Some time after this, and still not having been caught, Jonathan gets a call to a house in the eastside of Glasgow, where he notes that life expectancy is the shortest. The address sounds familiar to him, and then he realises it’s where Sarah said she lived. Because he still has feelings for her, Jonathan drives recklessly there, even turning his siren on. Once he arrives he is greeted by a tearful but unharmed Sarah, who rushes him upstairs to her baby, who has possibly suffered cot death. In an emotional scene, Jonathan does all he can to save the baby, but is too late and can do nothing.
Sarah breaks down and wails with despair. She tells Jonathan that she hurts so much and that her grief feels like she is breaking in two from the inside out. She cradles the dead baby in her arm and refuses to let it go. Jonathan tries to comfort her, and slowly takes her downstairs to the ambulance. He tells her he can make her pain end if she wants him to, and she agrees. Jonathan administers a fatal dose of morphine and Sarah slowly falls asleep on the ambulance bed, baby still cradled in her arm. She dies quietly and Jonathan lies on the bed next to her, imagining a life where they were together and happy.
When taking her details at the hospital he notes that she shares the same unusual surname as a girl he went to school with and had a crush on- Sarah Lamorte, and so waits around with the hope that she will show up to pick up her grandmother. Eventually she does and he greets her warmly. She thanks him for “saving” her grandmother and after some awkwardness he secures a date with Sarah.
During their date Jonathan reveals his past crush to Sarah and tells her that at school she was the only one that didn’t bully him. It is revealed that all the other children made fun of Jonathan and thought he was strange and “creepy” because his father was an undertaker. During his youth Jonathan would frequently see dead bodies and become comfortable in the sight of death. He tells Sarah that this was how he got his job as an ambulance driver, as he is not fazed by bodies. Sarah tells Jonathan that he is doing good work and is saving lives. Jonathan presses her for information about herself and she reluctantly tells him that she works in an abortion clinic. She tells him that it is the only well paid job she could get in short notice when her boyfriend left her and with their baby. Jonathan laughs at the irony of working in the abortion clinic so she can provide for her son, and Sarah awkwardly joins in.
Jonathan thinks the date is going well but at the end Sarah tells him that she only agreed to go because she felt grateful for him taking her mother to hospital. She asks him not to be upset, and Jonathan lies tells her he is not. She leaves him and when she is gone Jonathan breaks down into a deep depression.
Later, back at the hospital Jonathan is lying in the morgue again staring despondently into space. His pager goes off again and he reluctantly gets up to drive out to the source of trouble in a run down part of Glasgow. Here he finds a beggar, slowly dying in the street from a heart attack. The person who made the call, a well dressed business man is standing over him, and immediately leaves when Jonathan arrives; coldly explaining that he has a meeting in the morning. When Jonathan tries to question the man why he didn’t cover the beggar with his jacket, the man angrily tells him that both he and his jacket are more “important” than the beggar, and walks off.
Rather than help the beggar, Jonathan questions him, asking what his heart feels like right now and comparing it to the pain Jonathan feels in his own. The beggar dies before he can answer and Jonathan muses how much more peaceful he looks. He remembers how his father once told him that “despite the life they might live, all men find dignity in death” Jonathan gently folds the dead beggars’ arms and closes his eyes, then leaves.
Initially worried about getting in trouble, Jonathan soon realises that no one cares what happens to “unimportant” people, after he finds no significant news coverage of the beggars’ death in the news. During several other call outs to beggars Jonathan explains to them his newfound philosophy about death, and offers them a lethal amount of drugs in order to make their passing easier rather than continue their “wretched existence” As the beggars are frequently drunk or mentally disabled, many of them accept Jonathans offer, and die with smiles on their faces as Jonathan comforts them and tells them not to be afraid. Jonathan also begins to spend all his nights in the morgue, sleeping with a slight smile on his face as well, with all the others he has “cured of life”
Some time after this, and still not having been caught, Jonathan gets a call to a house in the eastside of Glasgow, where he notes that life expectancy is the shortest. The address sounds familiar to him, and then he realises it’s where Sarah said she lived. Because he still has feelings for her, Jonathan drives recklessly there, even turning his siren on. Once he arrives he is greeted by a tearful but unharmed Sarah, who rushes him upstairs to her baby, who has possibly suffered cot death. In an emotional scene, Jonathan does all he can to save the baby, but is too late and can do nothing.
Sarah breaks down and wails with despair. She tells Jonathan that she hurts so much and that her grief feels like she is breaking in two from the inside out. She cradles the dead baby in her arm and refuses to let it go. Jonathan tries to comfort her, and slowly takes her downstairs to the ambulance. He tells her he can make her pain end if she wants him to, and she agrees. Jonathan administers a fatal dose of morphine and Sarah slowly falls asleep on the ambulance bed, baby still cradled in her arm. She dies quietly and Jonathan lies on the bed next to her, imagining a life where they were together and happy.
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