skit

"How do you do it?" he asked his flatmate, who had once again kept him up with the curious noises of lovemaking.

"Do what?"

"Sex up all those ladies. that's like three in seven months!" Such statistics were considered impressive in their small circle of the world.

"Well without giving away too much, the penis plays an important role."

"I don't want technical deatails. It's the intial negotiations I wonder about. How do you get a woman from A," he jestured outside. "To B" he jestured to his room. "To C" he jestured to his C.

His flat mate smiled knowledgeably, and pulled from his pocket a small packet of tissues as if they were Excalibur.

"This is the key my friend," he declared proudly.

"It is?"

"Can you not tell why?" The tissues were branded even more emphasis. Further examination revealed them to be balmed with aloe vera. Beyond that, all was hidden.

"No? Then let my words paint a glorious picture in your minds eye. Imagine. It's late, your walking down the street. People have been out, drinking, partying, disagreeing. You spy a girl. Oh no she's crying! She had a fall out with her friends. Ha! Friends indeed. No one understands her. Now, Give her the tissue. Let her dry her eyes. You whisper in her ear "I do."

He was stunned. It all seemed so evil, and yet so plausable. Women did cry. On the other hand it wasn't brief liasons he was after. Maybe there was some other way he could help a chick out.

He felt inspiration strike him. There were a few other things women did as well.

"I think I feel a plan of my own coming on." he said.

The next time his flat mate saw him he had a black eye.

"That's one hell of a shiner. There a story to go along with it?"

"I tried doing your thing, but instead of targeting vulnerable drunk women with tissues, a far safer option, I tried my luck with agitated coffee shop girls and their possible need for tampons."

He gently dapped his nose with one such offending article.

"On the plus side, they're surpisingly good for stopping bleeding."