skit

"How do you do it?" he asked his flatmate, who had once again kept him up with the curious noises of lovemaking.

"Do what?"

"Sex up all those ladies. that's like three in seven months!" Such statistics were considered impressive in their small circle of the world.

"Well without giving away too much, the penis plays an important role."

"I don't want technical deatails. It's the intial negotiations I wonder about. How do you get a woman from A," he jestured outside. "To B" he jestured to his room. "To C" he jestured to his C.

His flat mate smiled knowledgeably, and pulled from his pocket a small packet of tissues as if they were Excalibur.

"This is the key my friend," he declared proudly.

"It is?"

"Can you not tell why?" The tissues were branded even more emphasis. Further examination revealed them to be balmed with aloe vera. Beyond that, all was hidden.

"No? Then let my words paint a glorious picture in your minds eye. Imagine. It's late, your walking down the street. People have been out, drinking, partying, disagreeing. You spy a girl. Oh no she's crying! She had a fall out with her friends. Ha! Friends indeed. No one understands her. Now, Give her the tissue. Let her dry her eyes. You whisper in her ear "I do."

He was stunned. It all seemed so evil, and yet so plausable. Women did cry. On the other hand it wasn't brief liasons he was after. Maybe there was some other way he could help a chick out.

He felt inspiration strike him. There were a few other things women did as well.

"I think I feel a plan of my own coming on." he said.

The next time his flat mate saw him he had a black eye.

"That's one hell of a shiner. There a story to go along with it?"

"I tried doing your thing, but instead of targeting vulnerable drunk women with tissues, a far safer option, I tried my luck with agitated coffee shop girls and their possible need for tampons."

He gently dapped his nose with one such offending article.

"On the plus side, they're surpisingly good for stopping bleeding."

strangers taste the same as friends

I'm feeling a lot better now, and have shifted from sickness to being merely lazy, which makes for very little observable difference.

My parents house is starting to feel less like home and more like, well my parents house. Maybe it's just boredom and the contrast to the amount of shit you can get up to in the big smoke, or the fact that the little niche of routine I used to have no longer exists. Either way its no great sadness, just the opposite. Means when the time comes to do the lame nesting thing (no time soon!) it'll be easier to settle. Maybe homesickness went with the flu.

We tried to plan my brothers stag today (Best man by the way! If in name only) and I'm given to believe he wants something neither too grand nor sordid. It'll come as a relief to some and perhaps a dissapointment to others, but at least wheels are vaguely in motion, and will probably complete their revolution before the actual wedding-which would be a black mark on any best mans record. Unfortunatly the bride to be has issued an official ban on hermaphrodite strippers, which shoots to shit all previous plans.

I saw Up today and between that and toy story 3 (screw star wars and lotr THIS is the trilogy) Pixar have done a lot to re-open those dusty dry ducts in my eyes. The first 5 minutes in particular really took me by surprise as nothing like it was hinted at by trailers, but its probably one of the greatest, truest prologues ever. No shit or bull included.

Also saw a couple episodes of angel. God damn what a great show, and nerdy wesley was soooo much better than "cool" "sexy" "brooding" wesley. What will those clowns at marketing dream up next?

Back in the saddle...

...with malformed buttocks.



And like all good habbits, keeping a regular blog has been damn easy to quit. First there was the excuse of graduating and becoming a real person, then the excuse of homelessness, and finally the excuse of no internet (probably the worst of all!)



All of these are gone now (I'll never really be a real person I don't think) and so all that is left is to pull the finger out and initiate operation BEBO-no not the poor mans facebook but the idea of blogging everything and blogging often, and something I totally came up with myself cause i'm the smart one of the family.



there aren't many exciting new things happening to me right now. I live in a flush new flat with a good friend and a mouse and we do typical guy stuff involving games, beer and degrading women (that mouse is so damn sexist) I still have my shitty job that i've been quitting for the last 2 years and a very wonderful and patient better half. I also currently have the flu-not its lesser man shaped variety but the real deal, and the excess mucas has made other things flow in an equally viscous fashion, like this damn blog post. I'm sure I used to find writing a lot easier than i do now-after all I have a degree in the thing and plans to do a pokemon masters in it. Everything comes a lot slower now, except time which is shooting by pretty quick.

Yet lately I have grown sick of my convalesence (wordplay!) and so we have this mess returning to the interweb and hopefully a showing of more ficticious scenarious. After all the orginal ill conceived and partially aborted plan was to delve into the seedy world of online competitions, so maybe i should enter with earnest.

smart witty things to say have dried up like my right nostril so i think its time to leave and excavate