You know you're in trouble when you walk in to a party and it has a yard glass
You know you're in trouble when you're pretty much hammered by 10
you know you're in trouble when you steal a strange persons bottle of whisky and take a hit
you know you're in trouble when you knock on a random door and are forced to ask "is asian looking guy in?"
You know you're in trouble when you end up being the third spoon with a guy and girl on the bed (the girl was in the middle so its ok)
You know you're in trouble when you end up at a burger van at 5 am ordering a "scooby snack" just to see what the hell it is
you know you're in trouble when you get a text in the morn sayin "still alive?"
Still, pretty good night
Monday, 13 October 2008
Friday, 10 October 2008
Love
right well, seems everyones talking about it so i best just grit my teeth and get it over with. Thinking about it, i don't reckon I've ever even heard my dad use the word, so blame him for my poor expressiveness.
I've never told a girl I loved her, for the fairy obvious reason that i've never been in love. Only had uno girlfriend after all. I liked her a hell of a lot, but we only went out for 3 months or so and saw each other only about once a week. Which in retrospect seems like hardly any together time at all, and certainly not enough to know for certain how I felt about her. wasn't heart broken when it ended, just sad for a long time.
My little brother once pretended to be me on my MSN, and told a girl that i loved her. I kinda dismissed it at the time, but turns out it fair affected her. fortunatly that whole episode is long done with and i think we are cool now. the lesson i took from it is that the L word is a dangerous thing indeed that should be regarded with caution and suspicion.
One time a girl accused me of loving some other girl and she must have clocked on to the look on my face because she quickly explained that she meant "Luv" not "Love" which are of course two entirely different things, apparently.
ummm, I kinda regret that I never told a girl when i was a teenager, that i think is when you might feel it the most, what with hormones flying about and all that malarky. Chemicals have mostly settled down now though, and I'm a lot less likely that have something in both my eyes when something dramatic happens. Which is a plus
Probably most guys feel this way, though truth be told the way i feel about things tends to be a fairly fluid and dynamic thing. with lasers attached
thought of the day-I haven;t kissed a girl sober in well over a year (boo bloody hoo says all you people that havn't kissed a girl in well over a year)
I've never told a girl I loved her, for the fairy obvious reason that i've never been in love. Only had uno girlfriend after all. I liked her a hell of a lot, but we only went out for 3 months or so and saw each other only about once a week. Which in retrospect seems like hardly any together time at all, and certainly not enough to know for certain how I felt about her. wasn't heart broken when it ended, just sad for a long time.
My little brother once pretended to be me on my MSN, and told a girl that i loved her. I kinda dismissed it at the time, but turns out it fair affected her. fortunatly that whole episode is long done with and i think we are cool now. the lesson i took from it is that the L word is a dangerous thing indeed that should be regarded with caution and suspicion.
One time a girl accused me of loving some other girl and she must have clocked on to the look on my face because she quickly explained that she meant "Luv" not "Love" which are of course two entirely different things, apparently.
ummm, I kinda regret that I never told a girl when i was a teenager, that i think is when you might feel it the most, what with hormones flying about and all that malarky. Chemicals have mostly settled down now though, and I'm a lot less likely that have something in both my eyes when something dramatic happens. Which is a plus
Probably most guys feel this way, though truth be told the way i feel about things tends to be a fairly fluid and dynamic thing. with lasers attached
thought of the day-I haven;t kissed a girl sober in well over a year (boo bloody hoo says all you people that havn't kissed a girl in well over a year)
Thursday, 9 October 2008
The group dynamic
Joe makes smoking cool
I make drinking cool
Catherine makes being a girl cool (probably the most challenging one)
And stewart makes the rest of us look cool by comparison. of course one day he will be cooler than all of us, the reward for all the adviserity he faces (so quit your bitchin)
Also, got a good one off in class the other day. fellow student bangs on how shit the sun newspaper is and how she wouldn't wipe her arse with it. lecturer asks why to which i quip "Cause its not very absorbant" Cue hilarity and laughter, with me being unable to bask in the dim glory due to being RIDICULOUSLY hung over. but theres pretty sound logic for the Sun being not a good paper for absorbancy. Being a tabloid it generally has more pictures than a broadsheet. the pictures use more ink, meaning the paper has already absorbed it, which means that you are far better sticking with a text heavy broadsheet like the Times. And of course wiping your arse with boobs is a good way to develope some very bad fettishes.
I make drinking cool
Catherine makes being a girl cool (probably the most challenging one)
And stewart makes the rest of us look cool by comparison. of course one day he will be cooler than all of us, the reward for all the adviserity he faces (so quit your bitchin)
Also, got a good one off in class the other day. fellow student bangs on how shit the sun newspaper is and how she wouldn't wipe her arse with it. lecturer asks why to which i quip "Cause its not very absorbant" Cue hilarity and laughter, with me being unable to bask in the dim glory due to being RIDICULOUSLY hung over. but theres pretty sound logic for the Sun being not a good paper for absorbancy. Being a tabloid it generally has more pictures than a broadsheet. the pictures use more ink, meaning the paper has already absorbed it, which means that you are far better sticking with a text heavy broadsheet like the Times. And of course wiping your arse with boobs is a good way to develope some very bad fettishes.
Tuesday, 7 October 2008
Fiction from (apparently) friction man
task-write about yourself from the point of view of an imaginary friend
John looked around the bar and saw Robert spread in the corner, reading the paper. He must have felt his eyes on him because he looked up and gave a nod. He walked on over and sat down next to him. Robert had been doing the Sudoku, and John saw immediately that he had been going wrong. He waited in silence for his friend to discover this, and smiled when a muttered curse told of his discovery.
“I used to be good at those” Robert said, tossing the paper aside.
“Getting old” John replied.
“That I am. You don’t want to know where I’ve been finding grey hairs” He downed the last dregs of his pint. “Drink?”
“It’s my turn to b…”
“Too slow. You’re getting a Fosters unless you say different” Robert got up and took his glass to the bar.
While he waited, John nabbed the paper and browsed. He was midway through the credit crunch, where every face had a monocle and top hat drawn on when Robert returned, drinks in hand. He sat down heavily and spilled some drink on himself. “Bah” he said, scowling. Both pints had straws in them.
John frowned “Been here long?” he asked. His friend looked worst for wear. Well, worster for wearer than normal anyway.
“Nah, just really tired from work is all” Robert replied, yawning for effect. And he really did, wincing as he shifted position.
“Still doing shit shifts?”
Robert shrugged “Fraid so. Thirteen hour one yesterday”
“Isn’t that illegal?”
Another shrug “Yeah, well so’s incest. But every night me and my sister curl up to each other whilst mumsy looks on.”
“You don’t have a sister” John pointed out
Roberts face went strange. The studied indifference changed and softened. The granite cleaved chin went chalky. He spoke softly in reply too “I kinda semi quasi not really do” he said.
There was silence, excused by the fact that there was drinking. It wasn’t awkward but it could have done with some filling. John obliged
“So, how are you anyway? Aside from tired”
“Fair to middling my friend. And you?”
John smiled “Well I had that date that I told you about”
“And?”
“Went pretty good. We seemed to hit it off, all going well. But I was hoping to ask your advice”
“Wear a condom and don’t shout out Steve when you come”
John smiled “I didn’t really mean on a technical front”
Robert laughed “Muah, technical front”
John sighed and looked exasperated. Robert returned the look. “Look, why would you ask me for relationship advice”
“You’ve been on more dates than me” John pointed out.
“Which means I’ve been on more failed dates than you. But fine, shoot” He slurped the rest of his drink through his straw. “You know my fee” he said waving the empty glass at him.
John returned with drinks and began to tell his tale “Well, about halfway through the date, she got this text message. And when she read it, she went all sad and quiet. And I thought it best at the time not to ask what the worry was. But now I’m starting to think I should have asked her. Show concern. I was concerned after all. Is it too late?”
Robert frowned. “It’s a tricky one all right. A conundrum if you will. Plenty of potential for fucking up. Then there’s always the possibility that you’re imagining it. You got a habit of making small things look big” He gestured downwards to Johns crotch.
“Hilarious. A penis joke”
Robert grinned “I’m full of them…wait no…damnit!”
“You’re certainly full of something”
Robert took another drink “Talking shit and boozing. That’s all I’m good at and good for”
“Being hard on yourself don’t you think?”
“There are worst skill sets to have. And anyway, people should be hard on themselves. Only they know themselves. Plus it has the added benefit of causing others to see you in a kinder light. Nothing like nabbing that sympathy vote”
John thought about all of this. Then he came to his sense “That has turd all to do with anything you hairy bastard. Now what do you think about what I told you?”
Robert stroked his three day beard. Finally he said “No bad can come from letting her know you care, even if it’s a touchy subject”
“You think?”
Robert shrugged “Christ knows. Want to do shots?”
John looked around the bar and saw Robert spread in the corner, reading the paper. He must have felt his eyes on him because he looked up and gave a nod. He walked on over and sat down next to him. Robert had been doing the Sudoku, and John saw immediately that he had been going wrong. He waited in silence for his friend to discover this, and smiled when a muttered curse told of his discovery.
“I used to be good at those” Robert said, tossing the paper aside.
“Getting old” John replied.
“That I am. You don’t want to know where I’ve been finding grey hairs” He downed the last dregs of his pint. “Drink?”
“It’s my turn to b…”
“Too slow. You’re getting a Fosters unless you say different” Robert got up and took his glass to the bar.
While he waited, John nabbed the paper and browsed. He was midway through the credit crunch, where every face had a monocle and top hat drawn on when Robert returned, drinks in hand. He sat down heavily and spilled some drink on himself. “Bah” he said, scowling. Both pints had straws in them.
John frowned “Been here long?” he asked. His friend looked worst for wear. Well, worster for wearer than normal anyway.
“Nah, just really tired from work is all” Robert replied, yawning for effect. And he really did, wincing as he shifted position.
“Still doing shit shifts?”
Robert shrugged “Fraid so. Thirteen hour one yesterday”
“Isn’t that illegal?”
Another shrug “Yeah, well so’s incest. But every night me and my sister curl up to each other whilst mumsy looks on.”
“You don’t have a sister” John pointed out
Roberts face went strange. The studied indifference changed and softened. The granite cleaved chin went chalky. He spoke softly in reply too “I kinda semi quasi not really do” he said.
There was silence, excused by the fact that there was drinking. It wasn’t awkward but it could have done with some filling. John obliged
“So, how are you anyway? Aside from tired”
“Fair to middling my friend. And you?”
John smiled “Well I had that date that I told you about”
“And?”
“Went pretty good. We seemed to hit it off, all going well. But I was hoping to ask your advice”
“Wear a condom and don’t shout out Steve when you come”
John smiled “I didn’t really mean on a technical front”
Robert laughed “Muah, technical front”
John sighed and looked exasperated. Robert returned the look. “Look, why would you ask me for relationship advice”
“You’ve been on more dates than me” John pointed out.
“Which means I’ve been on more failed dates than you. But fine, shoot” He slurped the rest of his drink through his straw. “You know my fee” he said waving the empty glass at him.
John returned with drinks and began to tell his tale “Well, about halfway through the date, she got this text message. And when she read it, she went all sad and quiet. And I thought it best at the time not to ask what the worry was. But now I’m starting to think I should have asked her. Show concern. I was concerned after all. Is it too late?”
Robert frowned. “It’s a tricky one all right. A conundrum if you will. Plenty of potential for fucking up. Then there’s always the possibility that you’re imagining it. You got a habit of making small things look big” He gestured downwards to Johns crotch.
“Hilarious. A penis joke”
Robert grinned “I’m full of them…wait no…damnit!”
“You’re certainly full of something”
Robert took another drink “Talking shit and boozing. That’s all I’m good at and good for”
“Being hard on yourself don’t you think?”
“There are worst skill sets to have. And anyway, people should be hard on themselves. Only they know themselves. Plus it has the added benefit of causing others to see you in a kinder light. Nothing like nabbing that sympathy vote”
John thought about all of this. Then he came to his sense “That has turd all to do with anything you hairy bastard. Now what do you think about what I told you?”
Robert stroked his three day beard. Finally he said “No bad can come from letting her know you care, even if it’s a touchy subject”
“You think?”
Robert shrugged “Christ knows. Want to do shots?”
Monday, 6 October 2008
Alternative employment
Is something i should start seeking for now. I've not actually quit yet, but everything is in position for a smooth switcheroo. Boss is coming back, someones lined up for an interview and most people have had enough fair warning so it doesn't come as a shocker. Yesterday kinda proved thed need for change, as i spent half of it just annoying people, head butting them and making funny noises. PRODUCTIVE. Ann-Marie even smacked me one, she was getting so sick of it, though i did kinda ask for it
"You wan me tae smack ye tights?"
"What does that even mean!?"
wack.
"OWWWWW"
Good times. For a sexual harrasment case!
Then i made the mistake of reading the paper. turns out theres this thing called a "credit crunch" Now I'm a bit sketchy on the details, but from what I gather it means that i will never ever get a job or have money ever again. And that Wall street will implode in a sea of cigar smoking fat cats in top hats.
If anyone hears of work for a handsome young man that likes to stand around street corners, do tell. I myself have a notion that working in McDonalds will pay off in the long run. think about it, there are quite literary McD's all over the world, so having that on you CV pretty much gives you guaranteed employment on a global scale. which is solid given i hope very much to travel some.
Me and JoJo from worked talked about Alpha males in clubs, with their runty little hanger ons. Which got me thinking if i fall into either category. a kindness would be to say that i'm mainly a lone wolf, doing my own thing, but christ knows if thats true or not. I do spend a great deal of time alone after all, but can be quite the socialiate when booze has been had. ummmm yeah whatever, sounds like the kinda thing not to be dwelled upon
thought of the day-I want to captain an air ship named Icarus 13
"You wan me tae smack ye tights?"
"What does that even mean!?"
wack.
"OWWWWW"
Good times. For a sexual harrasment case!
Then i made the mistake of reading the paper. turns out theres this thing called a "credit crunch" Now I'm a bit sketchy on the details, but from what I gather it means that i will never ever get a job or have money ever again. And that Wall street will implode in a sea of cigar smoking fat cats in top hats.
If anyone hears of work for a handsome young man that likes to stand around street corners, do tell. I myself have a notion that working in McDonalds will pay off in the long run. think about it, there are quite literary McD's all over the world, so having that on you CV pretty much gives you guaranteed employment on a global scale. which is solid given i hope very much to travel some.
Me and JoJo from worked talked about Alpha males in clubs, with their runty little hanger ons. Which got me thinking if i fall into either category. a kindness would be to say that i'm mainly a lone wolf, doing my own thing, but christ knows if thats true or not. I do spend a great deal of time alone after all, but can be quite the socialiate when booze has been had. ummmm yeah whatever, sounds like the kinda thing not to be dwelled upon
thought of the day-I want to captain an air ship named Icarus 13
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
whos that bobemon!?
Christ almighty talk about catharsis. Unfortunatly the only way to get out the poison in you is to replace it with another. Hence feeling pretty damn shit and hung over right now. But lets look at the facts. well first me and mine now have a pair of 1st year lackys that worship the ground we walk on, though don't ask me to recall their names. Then their was the free wine and certain people finally making some headway in the billions of drinks they owe. and also empty orchestra! coupled with the x-rated version of greeces summer days. i recived more than a few admiring glances for that performance, the big reciever that I am
People will tell you they can't help how they feel, but they're stupido! Hell there are entire industries based upon the premise of changing how you feel. big big bucks to be made my friends. Now if only my kidneys didn't hurt everything would be just shiney
thought of the day-I quite badly want a Jayne hat to go with my collection
People will tell you they can't help how they feel, but they're stupido! Hell there are entire industries based upon the premise of changing how you feel. big big bucks to be made my friends. Now if only my kidneys didn't hurt everything would be just shiney
thought of the day-I quite badly want a Jayne hat to go with my collection
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