laconic bob

I moan a lot in this blog. I moan a lot in life. sometimes folk moan about me moaning too much and then I moan about them. Its kinda lame really. After all, no matter how much monkey ballz your life might be suckin, chances are theres at least a few thousand folk that have it a few thousand times worst. However take a look at the alternative-ie keeping things all vodka bottled up and never letting any of those dark fermenting spirits out. Aint exactly a smooth move is it? some folk enquire as to how you are doing as a matter of custom and courtesy, and are then suprised and annoyed when people (such as me) respond in length with their various problems. and then the people with the problems get suprised and annoyed that those that asked how they were doing didn't actually care how they were doing.

Oooph that sounds particularly unmanly. All this crazy shit about feelings...better move swiftly on before they repossess my copy of 300.

well went to see kate walsh. fan fricken tastic gig in a really good venue. ABC2 is all small and warm colours and candle lit and cosy coumfy sofa's. Hell its the ideal place for a chap to venture to alone and listen to a woman with a voice that strains with longing sing about love. There were also 2 other very good acts, which i considered a welcomed bonus and I almost fell in love with the first preformer, a young lady in her mid 20's with a passion for booze and dirty jokes (katie sunderland methinks) Something about women and guitars just tickles my pickle. Actually had the chance to have a chat with miss walsh herself after the show but bottled. It made me remember that friggen awesome night when me and rossy boy went to see a band back home.

freakily enough when i got home the man himself called and a pleasant wave of nostalgia flowed over me in an entirely hetrosexual fasihon. we gabbed away like two housewives that have over bearing husbands for a good 15 mins or so. and dude, i totally miss you.

friday-got drunk and watched 300! YEAH who needs a wild night out with bumping and grinding and hopefully women when you can watch a bunch of well toned dudes chuck spears at rhinos.

Sat-worked fricken hard for 12.5 hours-mikes last day. sad to see him go but fact is he just stopped caring about his job.

sun-pissed off as no one told me about the time change and came to work an hour early. worked hard for 13 hours and broke lotsa plates. also had an awesome pick me up consisting of a double espresso followed by half a pint of rose wine. kept me going during the morning rush

today-saw friends. in emmas eyes i recognised the same haggard frustrated and slighted pissed off look I always see in the mirror. kindrid spirit man! got respect for her on account of the fact she works a lot too.

To all those folk that go out every weekend and most other nights and get really drunk, pull, have a good time and never seem to work-guys, I'm trying hard not to hate you, and occasionally failing.

thought of the day-yoga is actually quite good for you

Fan service

Gail doesn't sleep, she waits
Gails house doesn't have doors, only walls that she walks through
Gail CAN beleive its not butter
Gail can divide by zero
A picure is worth a thousand words, a Gail is worth a million words
Gail played russian roulette with a fully loaded pistol and won
The chief export of Gail is pain
If at first you don't succeed, your not Gail
Gail CAN judge a book by its cover
Gail doesn't wear a watch, She decides what time it is

flr

to quell all those vicious rumours

Well I look like jesus
and dress like a tramp
Think musicals are awesome
even when they are camp
But still I'm manly

I stay in my flat
all day long
listen to kylie
and her fabulous songs
But still I'm manly

Well I wash everday
and condition my hair
don't use any sprays
cause I'm environmentally aware
But still I'm manly

steak and porn and cars and boobs
These are the things that a mans gottta choose (Chorus)
Gotta get drunk, find a woman to do
Or your dads gonna disown you

I watched broke back mountain
and it made me cry
watched it 12 more times
annd I dunno why
I work in a gay Bar
and get sexually harrased
After staff nights out
I have a sore ass
..........But still I'm manly

Angry young man

Dum dee dum, grating cheese, dum dee dum, kinda bored
Intimidating waitress approaches and steals some freshly grated cheese
"Why is everyone always eating my cheese!!!" I proclaim
"I can't help it, it just tastes so damn good" says she with sultry look

And the sexual harassment at work continues. OOOOh man tis been tough, had to work uber hard on sat (13 hours with 2 10 min breaks) as joanna had that old excuse of pregnancy to slack off on. Pretty concerned bout her actually, woman in her condition should be chillin bigstyle. plus shes havin to go back to poland and have what i can only guess as a slightly awkward conversation with her folks.

work is lookin fairly shitty this week, what with us being understaffed. I am gonna mucho struggle to bust a 40 odd hour week on top of uni. I remember when I used to be care free and went about being relatively nice to folk. As things stand I'm being slowly ground down to some bitter hairy mess with a permanent scowl marring my otherwise unlined yet studly youthful face. Also ashamed to say it's causin me to be a bit snippy and gritty towards my friends and i always feel bad bout it afters.

well I had quite the night out on friday anways. hung out with CL a bit and made comments about certain brooding lecturers that i'd normally be fine with but the fact ALL women seem to love him kinda ticks me. Then after seeing her to her bus i really needed a wizz so went for one in the counting house (A place I quite like to drink on account of all the old men remindin me of home pubs) then I hung about for.....a pint! it may seem fairly lame but sometimes I do just have a random pint somewhere on my own as a naff way of stating my independance.

Went to borders lookin for a book and saw friend 0f rosses fiona, who works there. she informed me some dude was talkin about his book on horses. having had about 4 pints it seemed like a great idea to hang around and be told the very best way to stop a horse crimping (???) for an hour. Went home and laughed at my comparitvly "exciting" day.

met my new flat mate. sound dude who plays geetar BUT has a lady friend who was round. I can see a scenario occuring where both them and gordon and his lady are round having a fun couples night out/in and ole bob sitting in a corner getting good and drunk because of it. and BEFORE anyone says anything i know i don't need a woman to make me feel complete, but it be damn nice just to have someone to hang with outside of uni and the union.

thought of the day-work sucks monkey ballz

This is sparta?

Check me out. over 100 profile views....oooph. and i didn't even have to create loads of dummy accounts to build up such a number. Hell, compared to some other blogs that were just recently started today its positivley slightly bigger.

Slight chrisis at work. Turns out one of the chefs is pregenant (with bob being quite literary the last person to learn this). Obviously its a happy occasion and all that jazz BUT, it means that both her and hey boy friend (a fellow Kitchen assistant) are journeying back to the mothers sister land of polski. rather suddenly too, in the space of one week. Which in turn means I may well end up having to cover his shifts. Now bob is no stranger to large amounts of work, doing the odd 50 hour week over summer, but come on man, I really don;'t think I can manage that as well as all this uni malarky. I mean its 2nd year-the year where work is kinda required. as it stands I'm already pretty much workin twice as much as students are generally advised to. why if i had a penny for everytime this conversation took place....

"Want to come out with us this weekend Rob?"
"Can't, working"

then I'd have a lotta pennies. And for all those folk that say "why not just come out after work?" well I do sometimes, but its a damn sight hard to enjoy yerself when your reeking of sweat and garlic and you've just busted your gut for 12 hours and have another shift the following day.

now that I've had my moan (time of the month and all that) lets speak of happier things. well my only lecture (Law-snore) of today was abrubtly cancelled when the foxy lecturer failed to show up. Plus it turns out that the awesomely heartbraking tear/hand jerking kate walsh is to preform next week at ABC. tickets are at a steal costing only 8 squiddilly. And I read a most ammusing article in the strathclyde telegram (the west end one, not rosses) to round it off someone else-one of gordons maties has moved into the flat in the spare room. Except I've yet to clap eyes on him and shake him warmly by the hand so maybe its just hearsay, S club and rumour.

thought of the day-no matter where you move to in glasgow, some bastard couple are always doing it in the room above yours (even true of penthouses)

post secrets...HERE

I had a bloody fantastic idea yesterday. what if, and bear with me here, people sent in their secrets annonymously on intricatly decorated cards and I posted them online on my blog. think of it as a way of releasing yourself from a burden thats lying heavily on your mind. I mean, we all gots things on our chests (called breasts) that we need to get out in the open, yet with our faces obscured so cctv can't bust our asses for public lewdity. As far as plans go its pretty out there doncha think

a friend keeps telling me to enjoy the single life and not feel i need to be in a relationship. I think thats quite a fine thing indeed. Or it would be if A-i lived with or indeed near friends or family that i could visit and B-if i actaully had free time and wasn't always working. Funny thing though, i'm not actually looking for a relationship at all, i'm just saying that its hard to be happy and single when you don't get or indeed particularly want any of the benefits that single status affords you.

and of course I know the only reason anyone reads this is because they hope to see their names mentioned (its the only reason I read all your scummy blogs) time for a fan service.

Jane is a playa but bad with lotsa drink
emma is also a playa and funny with lotsa drink
Joe is lame
Carrol should stop tryin to grow up so fast
catherine has a sister
other people do not spring to mind

done

Canker is a disease of plants, Cancer one of animals

Bought myself a 12 string, and to be honest i'm slightly dissapointed. but then again it turns out i've been tuning it wrong with the g failing to be an octave higher, so maybe thats why its lacking that awesome sound. the thing is murder on my fingers (MASTaDON) but on the plus it means my fingers are building up impressive calluses. thus i won't be able to feel the cool serene touch of a womans finger tips on my own, which is excellent. bit of another whoopsie as well as i retrung my normal awesome accoustic with electric strings. the sound is ok but the action just does not work man.

today hurray is drinking day. we love it so much we made love to it except it later it claimed to have not consented and thus the court case rages on. fortunatly my new law classes which i plan on skipping today to fuel my addiction will no doubt aid meeeeeeee.

me wanty fooood.

we are all sentenced to the solitude of our own minds

todays been a bad one. gonna listen to music and see if i won the lottery in an effort to turn it around

the bob who cried wolf

It has been said by numerous people that I have quite the reputation for talking lots and lots of bullshit. And like all things numerous poeple say, this is true. After all, when someone asks me what I did today it can get a tad tedious to say "watched tv, played videogames and read and ate and quite possibly showered" over and over again. so why not in fact, concoct a delicious pack of lies involving women, lasers and amusing innuendos. it keeps the deadly steel trap from going rusty and provides light entertainment and most importantly a breif relief from the monotonous tedium of my day to day scenes.

and heres another unexpected advantage. quite often it means i can tell 100% truth and take it for a test run. if the listener respounds with a distgusted "REALLY!?" then sneaky ole bob can just look at then like they stoopid and say with every ounce of sarcasm "No, not really" and they buy it like a cheap vampire porno.

course like the story goes sometimes people don't beleive me when i am telling the truth and in fact want it to be known as such. its times like these you just got to take the immoral high ground and say "screw you man, aint no more laying hearts bare going on between us no more" and go off in a manly sulk-aka a brooding binge drink.

anyways.....yay for petite emma. with my careful tootalige and guydance she is fast becoming a playa, or at the very least a woman with options. Also I'v kinda broke my phone, so no calls are incoming. its not a huge bigy and i always get a bit suprised when I'm out with friends and their phone dies and they fly off in a panic "OMFG I NEED A CHRAGER! DOES ANYONE HAVE A GODDAMN CHARGER!" some fat bald chap whos name ape escapes me said it was mucho no no to get so attached to material possesions that aren't guitars.

thought of the day-when studying romantacism always mention the industrial revolution and you've got a 50/50 chance of blagging yourself a mark

uni meanie mini joe (smells)

its gooood to be back. back to ignoring lectures and stumbling into strange bizzare conversations. "I'm not trying to rape you, I'm just trying to intimidate you" was one that stuck in my mind. of course there are a few problems. For one thing I am still uber ill and coughing up the gunk more and more. another slight problem is the fact that i don't actually have a timetable for this year as of yet. yet incredibly i've not missed one class. big thanks to all concerened that hepled me find my way abouts.

Bit gutted today on account of the fact that even though it is the most sacred and holy moly cheap drinking tuesday, I'm workin. still, the way I'm feeling copious quantities of hooch would probably not help. we can lie to ourselves all we want and say its strictly for medicinal purposes, but the fact remains that both financially and from the ole health perspective its not the smartest of ideas

speaking of money, my loan came through so hurrah. its not huge but respectable enough to see me through tough times and put food on the table. much like my schlong. muuha yes.

what else....our new lecturer for journalism is quite cool, in an intimidating kinda way. The man is sharp and after a slight dressing down at certain comments made by certain bobs I reckon i way well have to do the unthinkable and treat him with respect. it's not how its meant to be man! the point of teachers is to mock, not to learn from.

thought of the day, flegm is like ketchup, sure you want a bit to keep things from being too dry, but you don't want to drown in it man