the environment is playing possum

Theres this tower block concierge place i walk past everyday when i go into town. its not very appealing on the eye, big grey monoliths that look tired and old, Nicely contrasted by the urban retro main housing office bit at the front. Anyoo, recently builders have stuck giant scaffolding around them and are sticking large ceramic squares up the walls, like some sort of giant building cocoon. Will the tower blocks emerge as beautiful balconied structures with flowers and venetian blinds? I'm guessing no

Also, was doing some tidying and alphaomegatising (cause that what the word really should be, first and last letters to show it encompasses ALL the greek thingies) my book case, when i found something that made me go "eh?" does that happen to anyone else, where they find a book they had no idea they had and wondered where the hell it came from? Anyhoo, it being MY bookcase it was actually a comic. Scott Pilgrim-precious little life. Did i nab that off anyone without remembering? It's reasonably good, though basically a webcomic that, through dint of being real, you must pay! for.

After ploughing my way through the first bunch of mediocre big o episodes (and realising that its that same damn voice actor from every other anime ever) I'm on to the good stuff. This is what giant robots should look like! Big cumbersome things operated with pedals and levers that look like they were made by a pissed off soviet union. Not bloody streamlined androgenous samurai. Megas XLR had it right. I guess if anyone wants to borrow Big O (which as it turns out is also slang for orgasm) they are welcome to. should warn you though, it only makes vague sense if you've seen the original metropolis, made by ze germans (and devoid of any minorities i noticed)

Kind of getting cabin fever once again. not talked to anyone outside work since sunday. only my self to blame of course. accepted extra shifts cause i actually neeeed the money. next week is back to full time as the other guy scores yet more bloody holiday pay. Me and head chef were discussing if we get shafted (your damn right) on ours then its a pretty strong incentive to get our chefs arsed arses outta there.

thought of the day-due to its watery nature, ramen turns out to be pretty good for hangovers.

damn you invisible signals

After succesfully buying crap online using my debit card, and whoreing myself with good feedback, i figure if my identity hadn't been thefted yet i could push a bit further. And so I tried to top up my phone via debit card. FOOOL! nopw my balance reads £[]vfds[pkfap[k8587ef2eyd9#;/.#/. so appologies for (continuing) not to text back, i was gonna do it this time honest, but mt phone is once again being used only as a watch.

Also, if you consider that the seed inside a peach is a baby, then all you mudering bastards are eating vaginas and wombs!

thought of the day-is it blasphemey to think crash team racing was better than mariokart?

possible band names

I like to sing and play geetar. and that in my mind is all it takes to form a band. plus a kick ass name!

*Freudian Clit
*Badger in the bakers
*Acid reflux
*Sleepless dream
*the purple headed farriers
*Master bear Baiters
*cling
*The sauce
*wookiepedia
*macho rainbow
*Ass blaster 5000
*Planet sized world
*The death of top cat
*Blundercats
*Harry potter and the mistimed errection
*heamorroid hiatus
*carcinogenic tree
*pokemon fur is murder
*power vocal mimes
*errant pube

I better stop now. And tell you a bit about the decline of music. it is of course linked to the decline of any decent lyrics. now i know lyrics don't make a song, but certainly when you compare some bob dylan

"The man in me will hide sometimes to keep from bein' seen,
But that's just because he doesn't want to turn into some machine"

to "I kissed a girl, I liked it"


and of course the floyd

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
And shorter of breath and one day closer to death"

to "I'm blue dabba dee dabba di dabba di dabba di dabbda di dabba di"

anyway the screens gone funny and i can't see what i'm writing so well, so this post is herebye pointless

Tatoo the word metaphore

on to your dong, and then make reference to extending it.

I should write more. For the fairly simple reason that i think of things to write, commit them to memory, and forget them in a few hours. And then i get really really annoyed at not being able to remember.

or.....Me and my freinds were walking down glasgow one day during the early evening. A wasted twelve year old approaches us and asks if we know the way to the bus station. He has two skantily clad 12-13 year old girls in arms. we conclude that they're off to have a threesome, and point them the way. How the hell does that happen! when i was 12 i read terry pratchette and cursed all the random hair growth. probably not describing this all well, but the contrast to me just seemed like the biggest !? ever.

Then again i am hopelessy naive. I blame all that high fantasy and redwall i used to read. Well i got sour news for you bag puss. turns out most problems CAN'T be sloved with a big damn sword, a mouthy side kick (don't even go there stewart) and vague rascism.

In another shocking realisiton, it just occured to me that i have seen every single episode of beyblade. even the new gumpth ones where all the main characters suddenly become really really crap. (except of course good old stock rival slash antihero kai) its moments like that you gotta ask "what the hell am i doing!"

thought of the day-my penis is like a cliche-tired and overused, but it keeps on cropping up again and again.

that's what I said, disguised as she

Only at my work can you be pulled up about failure to preform your duties by managment, and then be given several ciders by the owners...while you are still working. I have a reasonably good excuse for not working hard enough-i wasn't there! I'd been off for 5 days, so any immediate problem had very little to do with me. I did get slightly annoyed about the whole thing. I don't mind being thought of as stupid or clumsy or weird, due to the element of thruth behind all three. but i am certainly not lazy (at work) I've done 13-14 hour shifts without break and am always always early.

Still, one must be pragmatic about these things, and i shall not sulk about it. even if the burning chemical seeped into the rubber glove and now my hand looks a tad lepered. and so we shall move swiftly on to other exciting news.

went to alton towers, which was swell. and what was the funnest ride i hear you ask. well, excusing rita and all the innuendo that accompanies it, obviously it was the 5 hour car ride down. as they say, enlightenment doesn't come at the top of the mountain, but through climbing it.

also, who'd have thunk it, but cocktails get you pretty smashed pretty quick. And i know temptation is there, but bloody mary's are bluurgh, so don't order one. its not like i have money to burn anymore. cash is getting tighter than my buns of steel, when i'm leaning over to scrub things while gay owners look on, making jokes about giving me a "raise"

thought of the day-late to the party i know, but i WILL complete halo 3 on legendary.

an ersatz failure

My will of iron
has been smelted in
the furnaces of shame. burning
hot like my face
bristling with indignation
caused by a nameless fish
er, a favour?

Or, more simply put i was told my beard felt like pubes and was called pube face all night. Thus I shaved, and am looking baby faced, if the babies mother was a crack whore during the pregnancy. momma used to tickle my feet with the coat hanger. It was propably just as well i shaved to be honest. eating sticky food in china buffet king provided a good reason, if you shiv. and its lame and melodramatic to suppose i need to grow a beard as a sign of humility.

earlier pish was inspired by reading bukowski poetry. what a moody old contankerous man he was. I find it a comfort to think that if my old man wrote poetry then thats pretty much what it would be like. "you're all shite and only i can do it write" (wordplay!)

on the subject of writing, i have a depressing suspicion that the only way to be a really great writer is to put the words ahead of the people. (using spell checker might help to) aint gonna happen man, no way no (how?) great people tend to live depressing lives or are evil murdering bastards, like alexander the great-or voldemorte! I'd settle for good anyday. or more often that not a smarter than the average bare pass.

do you know when you fart and walk away and the fart follows you. these are to be called stalker farts from now on. it was decided at the last meeting. and i want sales and marketing operating in perfect union on this one, like banjo and kazooi.

I have the strangest dreams...

..after I wake up. But for once I have had a good nights sleep, the novelty value of which will never run out. More sleep means more dreams though, and the only time i remember mine is when I do sleep good. This one was particulalry ominous though

I dreamt I saw you for the first time in an age. I ran to hug you but ended up hurting you. Not exactly hard to work out the meaning of all that.

moving swiftly on, tonight signals another night of brotherly love and more importantly brotherly drinking in the big smoke. and yes moderation shall be observed, with recent expenditures makeing it more a neccesity than a healthy consideration.

medabots quote of the day "that Miss caviear is quite the dish" If I ever do stoop to the level of cosplay, then clearly my only choice would be SPACE MEDAFIGHTER X!

thought of the day-Its probably a good thing that we can't see all the consequences of our actions, or we'd spend all day being paralysed by indecison.

a survailence camera!?

ooooh, new dashboard for blog entires. It's all chrome and streamlined. Like a treeeee. I have an other half on bebo now (and its not like last time, where i created an extra profile and used that) After various unspeakable abuse in the workplace, one of the chefs is now sending me the love in internet form-which the best form of love. unfortunatly her profile picture is of her small child in his jammy jams, so it looks slightly iffy. I was so worried about internet predators, i never thought i might be one!

In a spree of random funness I went paintballing today, which was swell. Unfortunatly i was a bit hungover and squatting in damp grass, getting shot at while breathing heavily into a mask slightly agravated it. So i didn't enjoy it as much as i might have. also had one of my reality attacks there and then, and given the situtation it left me pretttyyyyyyy spaced out. I shot my friend in the boob and felt guilty for the pain she exibited. (and then we went paintballing...) Then there was the charge of the shite brigade. guy says "right, if we all run at the same time, we can capture their base" I was the only one who ran. it hurt. only one really good mark to show for it though. still all in all, a welcome distraction from nothing-which is the thing that demands distracion.

Decided to make my way through lemony snickets series of unfortunate events. nothing manlier than reading childrens books on the train. but they ARE damn good, and like roal dahl, he knows the kids like a bit of a dark streak. Also they make me smile big and remind me of people.

Rosses birthday is now, and we're both to damn tired and bushwacked to do anything. Once more failing the friendship test. tommorow will hopefully bear slightly more sociable fruit. and ladies-you all need to bump and possibly grind with him next you see him.

absoluely no one in the homestead likes my beard. which an excellent sign that it is doin its job.

Thought of the day-I'm sure it doesn't really need to be said, but the voice acting in the orginal MGS was way better than the naff twin snakes edition

And they all lived complacently ever after

bah, everybody writers more than me, and almost certainly read more than me. all i have to show for my day is the fairly dubious sentence "The condom burst into tears" On the plus though, it seems medabots is back on TV. how badass and under rated was that! I have a notion that sometimes american voice actors are just given ridiclously bad anime dialogue and so just make up their own. and if i were be one of those voice actors, then almost certainly medabots is the kinda show i'd be involved with.

Also, it was quite the journey, but a journey without end is meaningless. Finally i have seen all of avatar! huzah for being able to watch things illegally online.

Thought of the day-it seems slightly more sad now that i'm 20 that i keep watching cartoons. still chicks do dig giant robots

the sinister thing

that is the female mind. i got treated to a glimpse of it when i was urged to read angus thongs and full frontal snogging. the aim was to give me a deeper understanding of the female psyche, but i don't know if i cared for what i saw. always going on about their periods and their lack of boobage. and i certainly don't approve of the ending-14 year old chick ends up with 18 year old guy. verging on wierd there.

a friend said that now i'll be an experct at pulling under age girls. ORRRRRR, i countered, its useful because even mature women sometimes feel like little awkward teenagers. anyway, none of this matters because i'm still going strong in my no womanising and the beard is growing ever thicker.

Snore snore

please no more. when the hell did i become so boring (answer-when being exciting started to hurt) going out for a night of drinking with the lads only to limit myself to 5 drinks and leave at the not ridiculous time of 1. even got grumpy and mad at my friends drunken antics while in crappy club. ME-Mr so laid back i'm horizontal mellow man. of course my boredom can be taken as a sign that the bubble is soon to burst. on the whole though-my attempts at moderation have been largely successful. at work in the morn i felt tired but not shit and the rest of my days have been spent working on the rocks. well, 2 outta 3 (aint bad) The final rock remains its usual mirror masked (em)pathetic self. gotta feel the same way everyone else does. a bit of de-nihilism what i need.

How very cryptic to those not in the know. and all they have is pieces of sky that all look alike. and i hold all the corners muahahaha. though guess it be pretty lame if i didn;t.

Does my happiness depend upon the happiness of others? sometimes i think no, but mostly yes. ironically i find the answer vaguely depressing

yes I'm just saying shit without much thought put into it. or grammer, or spelling.

thought of the day-more people would speak the queens english if she had torrets

distilled sadness

is how a funneral is supposed to be. I have never been to one, and am dreading my first. My dad has a very dark expression, in fact he had many, wearing the guise of a cynic as he does. THIS one however, goes like this. "If I could, the only funneral I'd attend would be my own"

The point of all this talk is that recently a family member who i have met perhaps once when very small, died. funnerals on monday and my mother assumed i would go. Father however, on learning this, put his foot down and said no, i wasn't to attend. I won't lie, and say i am releived that this is the case. i don't think i would cope well with it. plus, given i didn't know the man very well, i don't think i have much right to be there.

rehab. AKA home with the folks

and how nice and dull it is to be so. certainly the extra sleep is a welcome addition to my ever diminishing routine. and hell, i've even been doing some reading and writing (and arithmatic as well if you count sudoku) Plus, you save soooooo much money when you don't actually buy anything. who'd have thunk it?

been playing Halo a lot on the Sexbox live. had the lads up as well and we failed to pwn online. BUT nor did we embarass ourselves to the unforgiving loud prepubesent americans that haunt it. cue jokes about friendly fire. and it is indeed quite amazing how many people you can get to sing bonnie tyler with you over the mike.

still keeping up the lack of boozing. it won't last and I'll enter into another spiral of self destruction, but for now i feel pretty good. Also, some of my shit from amazon arrived so i'm taking it as a good sign that my identity hasn't been stolen and i still have some monies in my account.

thought of the day-this is no joke. i am looking for someone to parter up with me and help do shit like this-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gh6hzs_7Kc

This blog is

12% self loathing
30% in-your endos
10% self loving
15%calculated spontanity
6% reference to my dong
27% typoss
11% poor maths

DARK BOB...

*Is quite the player
*does as he pleases
*only cares about getting what he wants
*always knows just what to say
*is one smooth arrogant bastard
*would have a threesome with your sister and mother for the sole purpose of being able to say that he had
*has amazing tollerance for alcohol
*cuts people down with scathing wit
*permanently has "the eye" on
*winds up the gays
*tells racist cancer pedophile twin towers jokes
*is a naff excuse i use for all the suspect things i do when pished
*is currently imprisioned in a hairy cage

Bobachu! use beard attack!

Its that time of the week/month/year again where after failing to measure up to the vaguely established standards I hold myself to, i have decided to shun women. or more accurately womanising. a step back from it all will hopefully gain me some perspective, and i can go back to what i did in highschool and spend all my days thinking "wouldn't it be nice if..." Plus i can practise that all important feat of being content in my own company. well maybe not content, but able to tolerate.

To this end i have once again decided to become sasquach, and have stopped shaving + growing my hair long, with the aim of repelling women. (and the added bonus of looking like dave grohl) incidently it should be obvious how hedge hogs mate-missionary.

appologise for poor content. bloody folk above decided to have a party starting from midnight and ending at six. this fact may force my decision about weather to return home to the folks or not today.

watched another very sad very good film, requiem for a dream, which carried the sobering message that if you do drugs, then you WILL have to felate a large black man. also an old lady asked me if the light was green for crossing, after hitting me with her walking stick. it was and i told her so, but pretty much as soon as she started it turned red. i walked away briskly.

thought of the day-it might be best if i stop assuming we all sign up to this contract to try and be a good person, given how many times i've breached mine

Damn you amazon!

decided to be a bit bold and daring today. thats right, i ordered shit online! (not literary, but until it arrives i guess its always a dark brown horse of a possibility) For what i thought was bargain prices. BUT it turns out theres this thing called "post and packaging" which adds a lot to your final bill. after having spent sooo long phaffing about with registration i had no choice but to comply, whilst her majestys royal mail laughs at me from their queens head shaped tower (with the 1st being the out-house) still, i got some books i really wanted and haven;t seen anywhere, plus the hugely underated Big O anime. not the smartest of things considering i have rent to pay but unfortunatly for the communists, buying stuff does tend to make you feel better. never thought i was one to let such a small thing as ownership go to my head, but i shall compensate for lending to anyone who asks.

watched a very sad film (lended by the lovey catherine, thankyou) titled dancer in the dark. it has bjork in it and is a semi musical so i was sold from the start. bit slow to begin but heads to a tear filled climax (just like me!) Fact is i love sad films and music. its like drinking a lot so you have a high tollerance for alcohol. so i down the sadness and blink hot itchy eyes so that when something genuinely bad happens, i won't be overwhelmed. given how lame i am it doesn't even need to be that big a thing. now lets see if i become an unfeeling machine or a well adjusted adult

thought of the day-I really really really hate being such a light sleeper/part time insomniac.