to be sure

I'm a leetle bit tired....but I aint sleepy. and i refuse to go to bed before my folks anyways. That being where I am right now. At the kilgour estate....where I had...a bath. And felt like a new man for it, work being particularly rough and tough today. but hey, you just gotta sonic and knuckel down and do it. And then forget it, only to be forcefully reminded at a later date of rape.

anyhoo, I've been quite the socialite as of late. Went out monday to see king leah, where she yelled at me for not attending her birthday shindig. made some new accqauintences whos names do not spring to mind on account of being male. I did, however meet...dun dun dun....a foxy red hair irish bird, who i hit it off with slightly. we had good banter, or as the irish say "crack" but she pulled the old I've got to go back to ireland in the morn.

On tuesday worked but then went out to the highly coveted writers night ooot!!! was a bit tired and manky but rejuvinated myself with the power of postive thinking and drinking. Intresting things happened and I eventually declared "after party at bobs!" upon arriving at the bohemeian hobos abode I promplty fell asleep and left them to it. maybe an orgy happened, maybe it didn't. As the Irish would say "sel la vee"

wed worked tough shift. Thursday, struggled to awake and had another encounter with those crazy things called friends. we went to a noodle bar and I had ramen. BELEIVE IT. Or as the irish pronounce it "Dattebayo!" saw a film-hitman and. it was. the worst. film ever.

xmas is approching like a surely spainiard and i'm just gonna roll with it and hope theres no lezzing out. Or as the irish say "le petite morte"

thought of the day-irish folk rock and can turn the phrase

Bob the accademic

If I was a strong willed focused individual i could have finished all my essay work today. obviously I'm not, but hey done about 2000 words worth of pretty reasonable stuff. Plus check out this friggen amazing paragraph detailing one of the problems of psychoanalysis

"The danger of a Freudian psychoanalysis of a text is, due to its unspecific nature, that it can be applied indiscriminately. To put it Bluntly, Penis and phallic imagery start to appear everywhere. In Harry Potter, a wizard’s power comes from their wand (which ironically they receive around about the age puberty starts) and it is a symbol of their adulthood. If they lose the wand then they become impotent. It is used to battle with and to create things from. Hell there is even a line in book 3 which reads “Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wand” Perceiving the wand as penis is a bit of a ridiculous notion, especially considering female witches use them as well."

I'm actually regretting handing this essay in late cause I reckon its prize winning stuff we got here

New years resolutions

chances are I'll be working all around new years. Hence I made my resolutions now and they shall take immediate effect

1. No more giving the eye. what started as a joke has become a terrible flase thing that has taken over me. But not really

2. Less sauce. unless back home of course. or while in the warmth of my own company

3.Less arrogance in a number of fields. But not videogaming

4.better forward planning. I've yet to hand an essay in on time

5. Keep things tider

6. Less obessing over manlyness

7. Learn how to say no

bad poetry? Oh noetry!

I found this when looking through my computer. written when things were kinda bad. its a bit shit and emo but hey-parts of it rhyme!


All you know is Procrastination
A genocide of time,
Your greatest crime
None do it better than you

You count all your pennies, bag them up
Cut out coupons and stamps
By the light of street lamps
Just to survive

But you keep hoping and trying
Waiting for better days
To come your way
Knowing they won’t

You lie on your bed
Angels on your side
Demons in your head
And neither can move you, cause inside your dead

And behind your shield of drink,
Armour of apathy
You grow older and colder, rotting away
Staring at the crack on the ceiling
A heart slow beating, growing numb

And he sits there alone
Way up on his throne
Looking down with a frown
At all the shit on the ground
Too proud to announce you got it all wrong

That day is coming fast
Your body laid out for all to see
In a coffin of glass
A martyr to one

And then you’ll be judged
Found guilty and wanting
By a court full of scare crows
The rooks cawing your name

................uh?

in the past 4 days I've had about 10 hours sleep (generous guess)

I hate insomnia

blowing off steam and shooting the breeze...

...Is bang on what I needed and what I did. Got a little bit tired and emmotional and went off on many angry rants. probably looked a tad foolish but feel a whole lot better for it. the weekend did its usual thing of raping me in the (ass)soul but, scarily I've pretty much gotten used to it.
AND HEY, new KP. less hours more smiles. and the frown is turned upside down.

gonna try and get home for friday. see old friends and tell them new exciting tales of shame and amusement-the two being pretty interchangeable in my life.

reckon I'll cut back in the sauce (GASP). I'd prob be £200 up if i hadn't spent any mula on hooch last month. And to be honest, sweet lady you just don't taste the same, nor make me feel much different. At the risk of a VAST man compramise, I'm even considering going on a detox of sorts. the defiled temple that is my body has been sending out PLENTY of signals to show I aint been maintaining it well.

Need to get the shit sorted out (essays, flat, social stuff etc). its not like theres all that much to wade through, but end of the day, no one likes to go into a big steamy pile of self made sewage.

thought of the day-a mans pillow is his piece of mind-hence the insomnia

being drunk on my plan, I lifted up the sun

welllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. with any luck a new KP will be working sooon, and this sleepless socialless androgyness (not really) existence will soon end! we already have a new chef that looks like a pirate, which is obviously pretty fly. blagged my way into the chairty event on sunday. listened to awesome accoustic (Lee plays the harmonica-who knew!) and got a shed load of free drink. And, as I am want to do when indulging, perhaps erred slightly in my judgent and then my actions....

Or did I? I kinda plucked up the courage and layed dark secrets bare, and all in all, they aint particulalry dark. slightly beige at worst really. Sometimes all it takes is a gay junkie nympho to put things in perspective.

for those not in the know about all this cryptic talk, i'll mayhap spill the juicy moist beans eventually. until then, lets all mock crappy techno by doing the robot! I'm bringing it back man, and the doubters will all be stunned.

thought of the day-God loves fools, women love bastards and everybody loves cake

whiners are weiners

what a lame ass rant that last post was. "feel sorry for meeeeeeeeee, my life is shit, wahh wahh" Hell if i dressed in black and hated my folks (I loves em) then I'd just be another crappy emo. Thing was I hadn't really slept much in the last 4 days, generally getting no more than 5 hours and sometimes quite a bit less. I occasionally go through bouts of insomnia and it really is pretty debilitating. worst one was when i was on holiday and lasted about a week. kinda scary really, was soooo spaced out was even hearing voices and worrying that moths were gonna eat me. THATS why i look like a stoner, its the lack of sleep-honest...
Finally got a good solid 8 hours or so last night so am ok now. also played geetar a lot this morning, and that always leaves bob chilled out.

chef ross got very drunk and, as drunk people often do, very accuratly precieved the catch 22 I'm in. To summarise-I don't go out much cause I don't know many people. I don't meet people cause i don't go out. maybe if eveyone didn't always go to the shitty shitty clubs i would. Too loud too hot and too busy to really meet anyone methinks. bah, makes me feel old to say that. anyhoo, the real big reason as to why i don't go out simple-i'm working.

I have sunday off this week, so hell maybe I won't go through this cycle of emmotional outlash followed by hasty appology for lack of manlyness.

thought of the day-Sleep rocks!

i see perfect people and I sheild my eyes

Made a big mistake last weekend. Decided on friday that, despite having a 13 hour shift the following day, I'd go out and kick it free style with jane and dave in a pimps and hoes party. The plan was to go home round midnight and brace myself for tommorrows hardship. As things stood I left at 3ish with everyone else and spent the night on a friends sofa. got a few hours sleep and then went straight to work feeling very manky. by about 5pm everything was just kinda spaced out and blurry and sore. legs felt dead, feet of clay crumblin away and hands a network of cuts and scrapes from clumsy hands. Still, no one but myself to blame-after all, a young chap wantin to go out with friends and socialize? Fucking ridiculous aint it?

Felt a bit sad there actually-in the expensivo club we went to. There was a bunch of hoeishly dressed women dancin with bob-all of them spoken for-so I gotta force myself not to perv. Just find it kinda mocking and taunting in a way. It has often been stated that i'm a tad messed up in that regard. TV puts this idea in your head that a student in the big city goes out and pulls, copious sex and everyone doing everyone. then you get there with your little village mentality, find out its all a bit shallow and the guys are arses and the women are bitches and you can't even start to try and meet someone cause you don't have a clue how. blah blah blah so loney lah lah lah the love of a good woman would make everything sooo much better. kinda doubt it really.

Reckon thats the 1st time I dropped the F bomb here actually. bob is a changing. time was when folk at highschool made fun of me cause I wouldn't swear and now i'm cussin away like a dirty old bastard deprived of his hooch. aint the only change either. couple years ago i was generally described as being aimiable and laid back to the horizontal. a discription of me now goes along the lines of "angry alkey" readin back made me realise basically every entry was marred by talk of boozing so i guess that's how i come across.

so sunday was shit to, chef came in pished as a fart and had to make sure he actaully cooked stuff right. had some real problems gettin to sleep cause i was just too damn sore. monday was uber stressed after learning of an assignent due that very day. fortunatly it was the highly anticiptaed JCW night out wooooo. Drank a lot and just spilled my guts out to Ross, which i found to be highly theraputic. see ladies, we manly men got loads a feelings all bubblin away like a bit of potASSium in water, just need the hooch to make em surface. no mans an island but we all act like icebergs, only a little bit of ourselfs pokin out the top. bit of a mistake-see a trend emerging?-as i failed to catch up on all the sleep and readin i been missin out on.

thought of the day-gays fine, but camps a bit bloody annoying

!

the lesbian quit. Back to 38 hours a week. me PO'd

missused words of a mispent day

“I miss them. I miss feeling close to God. Belonging to something bigger than myself. And I am so sick and tired of being alone. Drifting further away from friends and being too proud and too lazy to swim back.”

Jack “Makes us feel real special when you go on like that right in front of us boy”

Glen “Aye ya bastard. And there’ll be no talk of the big yin whilst I’m aboot”

“They say we are all a little god to ourselves. Granting our own self serving prayers. Condemning and forgiving on a whim. Casting down those that just don’t measure up. Oh man my heads hurts. Better take my medicine. When you got a condition like I do it’s a bad idea to not take your medicine”

Glen “…You know you’re in trouble when you wash down pills with booze”

“Whatever takes the edge off the day and the rust off the night. I’ll stop when my mind hushes”

Glen “And the worms ate into his brain, ya wee pussy. Only reason I drink is to avoid getting a job”

Jack “Back home we have a fine ole tradition of drinking to stop thinking”

“As well as slavery and abuse of women”

Glen “Ha, stuck it to ya there ya fat yank”

Jack “Racism and wife beating bein entirely foreign to this here neck of the woods eh?”

“Lads lads. Let’s try for a bit of transatlantic tolerance eh. There’s so much our cultures could take and forcefully give to each other.”

Jack “well Sah, I propose we send all the ugly over to your country and take in all the foxy”

Glen “Don’t be daft, Scotland’s obese, aint no one foxy to take”

Jack “The U S of A aint?”

“And here’s me thinking it’s about what’s in the inside”

Jack “Inside the pants. You need yourself a woman boy. They might cost a tidy sum to maintain, but they almost always cause less damage to your liver”

“True, they tend to aim a bit higher…or a bit lower. I do miss having someone to hold though. Winters coming and the bed is oh so cold”

Glen “He just needs a shag. Absence makes the cock grow fonder”

“Yet e’re it causes the hand to wander…”

Jack “Wow, slow down boy. Least wait till we’re gone fore you whip out your .40”

“Hmm, you might be right. Well gentlemen, it has been an absolute pleasure but I fear it is time to retire”

He picked u up his two friends and carefully made his way to the kitchen. Once there he opened the fridge and put them back

“Night guys”

“Donde esta el bibliotech pedro?”

“Quiet Jose. It’s not my fault there was no salt or lime”

So if your love won't grow and the rivers don't flow

I've worked out why this blog sucks. Its cause I don't write stuff down as its happening, or even any time near when it happened. Time dimming the memory and thus the words recording it, making it seem less than what it was.

Minds been wandering a lot recently, due to learning of some news that puts pretty much many things in the harsh light of perspective. The news itself being the death of someone I knew at highschool. calling them a friend would be stretching things to the extreme, but we'd all like to think we weren't bastards to folk that have passed. Mortality always makes me have a good think about morality, it being something I am keenly intresteted in. generally after its too late to put into effect.

so I saw two gallants at the classic Grand. very nice venue, small enough so you can be 5 feet from your heroes. of course I went alone, and in that respect I was in good company-two G's being the kinda music you listen to alone. Planted myself at the bar and had a good session. one man laughed at my constant orders of vodka strongbow and sambucca-big drink little drink cardboard shot-but hell I never vommited. and again 2G's the kinda band you listen to well and truly drunk. Also there was a really really awesome support band Blitzen trapper, that rocked my socks off. so much so that I actually regreted(!!!) investing my mula in liver damage and not their album. and of course an encore of waves of grain rounded off the night nicely. In short you'd be damn hard pressed and squashed to find a live band that plays with as much passion and raw energy as these two dudes do.

Weekend shift was uber tough, what with xxxmas fast approaching. understaffed under valued and underpaid as we are we got through it, with me and Chef ross getting good and sozzled on a sly bottle of vodka. But then I sobered up and just felt bloody tired. Shifts aint so shitty this week as a lesbian has once again rode in and saved the day. with this newfound time on my hands i'm hopin to travel aboot and reaquaint myself with some old friends.

thought of the day-people are the way they are and theres generally a damn good reason behind it.

can I borrow your face just to unload my mind

Seems some folk are viewing this blog as a desperate cry for help. Its actually a healthy vent for the VAST amount of homoerrotic urges I get. but not really.



On monday I died. on tuesday i felt comparatively better. Thats the cycle I'm in right now. work work work the weekend. have a tough day of lectures on mon and sleep for 12 hours, then on tues OMG get to hang with friends and do social things. only did so for a mere two hours before fleeing to work. to be fair it was a reasonable shift with drunkeness seeing me through the start and free ice cream seeing me to the end. I've kinda stopped worrying about the whole showing up half cut thing. everyone else does it so who am I to stand apart from the unsteady herd. I was also invited to the gay chefs "I survived death threats in a taxi" house party. may well attend, if only to make the occasional innappropriate homophobic remark.



TWO GALLANTS THURSDAY. It has be awesome. it most certainly will be a lonely affair, but thats just how I role baby.



I bought broken saints on DVD. makin my way through it and although it still kicks ass, aint exactly fillinf the ole spiritual dyson like it did the first time arround.

laconic bob

I moan a lot in this blog. I moan a lot in life. sometimes folk moan about me moaning too much and then I moan about them. Its kinda lame really. After all, no matter how much monkey ballz your life might be suckin, chances are theres at least a few thousand folk that have it a few thousand times worst. However take a look at the alternative-ie keeping things all vodka bottled up and never letting any of those dark fermenting spirits out. Aint exactly a smooth move is it? some folk enquire as to how you are doing as a matter of custom and courtesy, and are then suprised and annoyed when people (such as me) respond in length with their various problems. and then the people with the problems get suprised and annoyed that those that asked how they were doing didn't actually care how they were doing.

Oooph that sounds particularly unmanly. All this crazy shit about feelings...better move swiftly on before they repossess my copy of 300.

well went to see kate walsh. fan fricken tastic gig in a really good venue. ABC2 is all small and warm colours and candle lit and cosy coumfy sofa's. Hell its the ideal place for a chap to venture to alone and listen to a woman with a voice that strains with longing sing about love. There were also 2 other very good acts, which i considered a welcomed bonus and I almost fell in love with the first preformer, a young lady in her mid 20's with a passion for booze and dirty jokes (katie sunderland methinks) Something about women and guitars just tickles my pickle. Actually had the chance to have a chat with miss walsh herself after the show but bottled. It made me remember that friggen awesome night when me and rossy boy went to see a band back home.

freakily enough when i got home the man himself called and a pleasant wave of nostalgia flowed over me in an entirely hetrosexual fasihon. we gabbed away like two housewives that have over bearing husbands for a good 15 mins or so. and dude, i totally miss you.

friday-got drunk and watched 300! YEAH who needs a wild night out with bumping and grinding and hopefully women when you can watch a bunch of well toned dudes chuck spears at rhinos.

Sat-worked fricken hard for 12.5 hours-mikes last day. sad to see him go but fact is he just stopped caring about his job.

sun-pissed off as no one told me about the time change and came to work an hour early. worked hard for 13 hours and broke lotsa plates. also had an awesome pick me up consisting of a double espresso followed by half a pint of rose wine. kept me going during the morning rush

today-saw friends. in emmas eyes i recognised the same haggard frustrated and slighted pissed off look I always see in the mirror. kindrid spirit man! got respect for her on account of the fact she works a lot too.

To all those folk that go out every weekend and most other nights and get really drunk, pull, have a good time and never seem to work-guys, I'm trying hard not to hate you, and occasionally failing.

thought of the day-yoga is actually quite good for you

Fan service

Gail doesn't sleep, she waits
Gails house doesn't have doors, only walls that she walks through
Gail CAN beleive its not butter
Gail can divide by zero
A picure is worth a thousand words, a Gail is worth a million words
Gail played russian roulette with a fully loaded pistol and won
The chief export of Gail is pain
If at first you don't succeed, your not Gail
Gail CAN judge a book by its cover
Gail doesn't wear a watch, She decides what time it is

flr

to quell all those vicious rumours

Well I look like jesus
and dress like a tramp
Think musicals are awesome
even when they are camp
But still I'm manly

I stay in my flat
all day long
listen to kylie
and her fabulous songs
But still I'm manly

Well I wash everday
and condition my hair
don't use any sprays
cause I'm environmentally aware
But still I'm manly

steak and porn and cars and boobs
These are the things that a mans gottta choose (Chorus)
Gotta get drunk, find a woman to do
Or your dads gonna disown you

I watched broke back mountain
and it made me cry
watched it 12 more times
annd I dunno why
I work in a gay Bar
and get sexually harrased
After staff nights out
I have a sore ass
..........But still I'm manly

Angry young man

Dum dee dum, grating cheese, dum dee dum, kinda bored
Intimidating waitress approaches and steals some freshly grated cheese
"Why is everyone always eating my cheese!!!" I proclaim
"I can't help it, it just tastes so damn good" says she with sultry look

And the sexual harassment at work continues. OOOOh man tis been tough, had to work uber hard on sat (13 hours with 2 10 min breaks) as joanna had that old excuse of pregnancy to slack off on. Pretty concerned bout her actually, woman in her condition should be chillin bigstyle. plus shes havin to go back to poland and have what i can only guess as a slightly awkward conversation with her folks.

work is lookin fairly shitty this week, what with us being understaffed. I am gonna mucho struggle to bust a 40 odd hour week on top of uni. I remember when I used to be care free and went about being relatively nice to folk. As things stand I'm being slowly ground down to some bitter hairy mess with a permanent scowl marring my otherwise unlined yet studly youthful face. Also ashamed to say it's causin me to be a bit snippy and gritty towards my friends and i always feel bad bout it afters.

well I had quite the night out on friday anways. hung out with CL a bit and made comments about certain brooding lecturers that i'd normally be fine with but the fact ALL women seem to love him kinda ticks me. Then after seeing her to her bus i really needed a wizz so went for one in the counting house (A place I quite like to drink on account of all the old men remindin me of home pubs) then I hung about for.....a pint! it may seem fairly lame but sometimes I do just have a random pint somewhere on my own as a naff way of stating my independance.

Went to borders lookin for a book and saw friend 0f rosses fiona, who works there. she informed me some dude was talkin about his book on horses. having had about 4 pints it seemed like a great idea to hang around and be told the very best way to stop a horse crimping (???) for an hour. Went home and laughed at my comparitvly "exciting" day.

met my new flat mate. sound dude who plays geetar BUT has a lady friend who was round. I can see a scenario occuring where both them and gordon and his lady are round having a fun couples night out/in and ole bob sitting in a corner getting good and drunk because of it. and BEFORE anyone says anything i know i don't need a woman to make me feel complete, but it be damn nice just to have someone to hang with outside of uni and the union.

thought of the day-work sucks monkey ballz

This is sparta?

Check me out. over 100 profile views....oooph. and i didn't even have to create loads of dummy accounts to build up such a number. Hell, compared to some other blogs that were just recently started today its positivley slightly bigger.

Slight chrisis at work. Turns out one of the chefs is pregenant (with bob being quite literary the last person to learn this). Obviously its a happy occasion and all that jazz BUT, it means that both her and hey boy friend (a fellow Kitchen assistant) are journeying back to the mothers sister land of polski. rather suddenly too, in the space of one week. Which in turn means I may well end up having to cover his shifts. Now bob is no stranger to large amounts of work, doing the odd 50 hour week over summer, but come on man, I really don;'t think I can manage that as well as all this uni malarky. I mean its 2nd year-the year where work is kinda required. as it stands I'm already pretty much workin twice as much as students are generally advised to. why if i had a penny for everytime this conversation took place....

"Want to come out with us this weekend Rob?"
"Can't, working"

then I'd have a lotta pennies. And for all those folk that say "why not just come out after work?" well I do sometimes, but its a damn sight hard to enjoy yerself when your reeking of sweat and garlic and you've just busted your gut for 12 hours and have another shift the following day.

now that I've had my moan (time of the month and all that) lets speak of happier things. well my only lecture (Law-snore) of today was abrubtly cancelled when the foxy lecturer failed to show up. Plus it turns out that the awesomely heartbraking tear/hand jerking kate walsh is to preform next week at ABC. tickets are at a steal costing only 8 squiddilly. And I read a most ammusing article in the strathclyde telegram (the west end one, not rosses) to round it off someone else-one of gordons maties has moved into the flat in the spare room. Except I've yet to clap eyes on him and shake him warmly by the hand so maybe its just hearsay, S club and rumour.

thought of the day-no matter where you move to in glasgow, some bastard couple are always doing it in the room above yours (even true of penthouses)

post secrets...HERE

I had a bloody fantastic idea yesterday. what if, and bear with me here, people sent in their secrets annonymously on intricatly decorated cards and I posted them online on my blog. think of it as a way of releasing yourself from a burden thats lying heavily on your mind. I mean, we all gots things on our chests (called breasts) that we need to get out in the open, yet with our faces obscured so cctv can't bust our asses for public lewdity. As far as plans go its pretty out there doncha think

a friend keeps telling me to enjoy the single life and not feel i need to be in a relationship. I think thats quite a fine thing indeed. Or it would be if A-i lived with or indeed near friends or family that i could visit and B-if i actaully had free time and wasn't always working. Funny thing though, i'm not actually looking for a relationship at all, i'm just saying that its hard to be happy and single when you don't get or indeed particularly want any of the benefits that single status affords you.

and of course I know the only reason anyone reads this is because they hope to see their names mentioned (its the only reason I read all your scummy blogs) time for a fan service.

Jane is a playa but bad with lotsa drink
emma is also a playa and funny with lotsa drink
Joe is lame
Carrol should stop tryin to grow up so fast
catherine has a sister
other people do not spring to mind

done

Canker is a disease of plants, Cancer one of animals

Bought myself a 12 string, and to be honest i'm slightly dissapointed. but then again it turns out i've been tuning it wrong with the g failing to be an octave higher, so maybe thats why its lacking that awesome sound. the thing is murder on my fingers (MASTaDON) but on the plus it means my fingers are building up impressive calluses. thus i won't be able to feel the cool serene touch of a womans finger tips on my own, which is excellent. bit of another whoopsie as well as i retrung my normal awesome accoustic with electric strings. the sound is ok but the action just does not work man.

today hurray is drinking day. we love it so much we made love to it except it later it claimed to have not consented and thus the court case rages on. fortunatly my new law classes which i plan on skipping today to fuel my addiction will no doubt aid meeeeeeee.

me wanty fooood.

we are all sentenced to the solitude of our own minds

todays been a bad one. gonna listen to music and see if i won the lottery in an effort to turn it around

the bob who cried wolf

It has been said by numerous people that I have quite the reputation for talking lots and lots of bullshit. And like all things numerous poeple say, this is true. After all, when someone asks me what I did today it can get a tad tedious to say "watched tv, played videogames and read and ate and quite possibly showered" over and over again. so why not in fact, concoct a delicious pack of lies involving women, lasers and amusing innuendos. it keeps the deadly steel trap from going rusty and provides light entertainment and most importantly a breif relief from the monotonous tedium of my day to day scenes.

and heres another unexpected advantage. quite often it means i can tell 100% truth and take it for a test run. if the listener respounds with a distgusted "REALLY!?" then sneaky ole bob can just look at then like they stoopid and say with every ounce of sarcasm "No, not really" and they buy it like a cheap vampire porno.

course like the story goes sometimes people don't beleive me when i am telling the truth and in fact want it to be known as such. its times like these you just got to take the immoral high ground and say "screw you man, aint no more laying hearts bare going on between us no more" and go off in a manly sulk-aka a brooding binge drink.

anyways.....yay for petite emma. with my careful tootalige and guydance she is fast becoming a playa, or at the very least a woman with options. Also I'v kinda broke my phone, so no calls are incoming. its not a huge bigy and i always get a bit suprised when I'm out with friends and their phone dies and they fly off in a panic "OMFG I NEED A CHRAGER! DOES ANYONE HAVE A GODDAMN CHARGER!" some fat bald chap whos name ape escapes me said it was mucho no no to get so attached to material possesions that aren't guitars.

thought of the day-when studying romantacism always mention the industrial revolution and you've got a 50/50 chance of blagging yourself a mark

uni meanie mini joe (smells)

its gooood to be back. back to ignoring lectures and stumbling into strange bizzare conversations. "I'm not trying to rape you, I'm just trying to intimidate you" was one that stuck in my mind. of course there are a few problems. For one thing I am still uber ill and coughing up the gunk more and more. another slight problem is the fact that i don't actually have a timetable for this year as of yet. yet incredibly i've not missed one class. big thanks to all concerened that hepled me find my way abouts.

Bit gutted today on account of the fact that even though it is the most sacred and holy moly cheap drinking tuesday, I'm workin. still, the way I'm feeling copious quantities of hooch would probably not help. we can lie to ourselves all we want and say its strictly for medicinal purposes, but the fact remains that both financially and from the ole health perspective its not the smartest of ideas

speaking of money, my loan came through so hurrah. its not huge but respectable enough to see me through tough times and put food on the table. much like my schlong. muuha yes.

what else....our new lecturer for journalism is quite cool, in an intimidating kinda way. The man is sharp and after a slight dressing down at certain comments made by certain bobs I reckon i way well have to do the unthinkable and treat him with respect. it's not how its meant to be man! the point of teachers is to mock, not to learn from.

thought of the day, flegm is like ketchup, sure you want a bit to keep things from being too dry, but you don't want to drown in it man

all your mucus are belongs to us

By christ I'm Ill. like a friggen leper parrot. intresting side note whatever happened to leperosy? it was quite the in thing during biblicle times but last time i heard about it at all was in the whole thomas covenant books.

So, the best and brightest minds of the writers society met up, with me tagging along, to decide just what the hell are we going to do about the 70 odd signatures that we recived for people wanting to join. I think it should be pointed out that we could easily reduce the amount of effort involved in the whole affair just by not emailing all the males on the list. Still, decsions were made and tasks assigned so work for the greater good is underway. I'm kinda glad no one made me do anything actually, you can bash my self esteem all you want if it means less work on this end. the plan is simple, yet effective. lure them in on some random day with promises of free booze and then POUNCE...

My time tabel for uni this year well well go a bit skew wiffy on account of the fact that i NEED to pick yet another class. thats what you get when you opt to work to buy food rather than tend to lectures kiddies, learn well from my mistake. in fairness though kinda brought it on myself. the plan right now is to do OMG politics. anyone that knows me knows my healthy disdain for such pursuits but what is majorly swaying me is that carol louise is doing it. hence it be warp factor awesome if we ended up on the same class. after allk, don't it always seem to go that you dunno what you got till its gone? answer-7

bah, screw you guys I'm going home and going to bed. also happy birthday that i missed of janes. recover from lung infection soon man.

thought of the day-1 pair of trousers isn't really enough. also whys it a pair-there are two legs ok, but still only 1 over thing

arrogance matched only by ignorance

been a while. thus blogging matches my sex life. ie its quite erratic and many disparaging comments are made. anyhoo

well me and andrew had a swell night out on the town whilst he was in doing his bank spiel. we met up with many females and pointedly made a point of avoiding any kind of romantic entanglements-on account of incest being a bit odd. we saw the dude that sang I am the one and only. I really felt for him because he too had awesome hair.

also just in. all the women and men at the brunswick want me. sometimes i like to kid myself that the waitresses have this bet going round about which one gets to tap this fine pice of ass first. it's a thought that keeps me warm on lonely cold nights when i'm hugging my pillow that i drew a face on. when it comes to women, i'm a bit like that death dumb blind kid from pinball wizard. i don't really know what i'm doing but boy do i do it well. you may think it sounds arroant but then again...

andrew-"will you dance on the table for us olga?"
olga- "not for you. maybe for robert."

i could dress up in a tux and make pretend i was in from russia with love, despite the fact she's from checkland. currently I'm sitting in andaroos flat chatting about chin cock ring things and being blamed for spillages. ross is leaning over my shoulder breathing heavily so its business as usual at that end.

work has been particulalry rough on account of the merchant city festival. tempers and temperatures have both been running high and only some decent live music kept me from breaking down. also me and awesome lee who was able to have a decent convo with me on account of being good and stoned, decided to form a band. she also bought me a bottle of cava and for once in my life i felt rather civilized. then i shotted it through my eyeball.

people keep telling me ginger people have ginger pubes but i reckon they're all just having me on

thought of the day. a secret is like an STD. best thing to do is keep it to yourself.

the problems of bob

Gather round small children that I offered candy to so they'd step into my car, Uncle Bobs about too tell you a fantabulous tale of love, revenge, betrayal and of course the polish ecconomy. ah i do love a good fledging country that only now is starting to recover from both the great war mk 2 and the overt communist oppression that tried to put a strangley strangle mc hold on the freedoms and liberties of the people. but then I lay off the drugs for a while and realise i don't. Ole bobby boy is simpley not capable of love anymore. see i was beaten as a child by younger children. the crippleing shame i feel now may have something to do with my problems, of which are many and varried. top of the list is obviously my man problem and bottom is my fettish for novelty hats that some may well find racially offensive. to them i say this-is it wrong to round up people that look different and force them to build a 40ft statue of you? the answer has elluded me for quite some time.

anyhoo back to the tale. it all started yesterdayish. i woke up thourghly refrshed from a good nights sleep ready to tackle the day with my trademark spunky upbeatness. After spending a few hours in front of the mirror with a comb, my hair and a white hot rod which i use to burn off hairs from my special places ie my eyebrows i was ready to go. not ommiting my usual post breakfast self induced vommiting. Remember girls, you'll only find love if you have a 30inch waist line. so outside I went, greeting all my neighbours in a neighbouly fashion and treating everyone else with barely concealed contempt. The plan was to journey back to see my parents and perhaps rob a homeless person of their few remaining possions. both went off without a hitch and i arrived home with a bottle of white mckays, half a mcdonalds happy meal and a small terrier. needless to say my parents were quite chuffed to see their estranged son again and greeted me with the customary push down the staircase. some find it an odd family tradition but how else can a father show is love to his son???

then best buddy ross called me and asked if i wanted to see a movie to witch i replied "yes!" so i made up a bottle of special cinema juice, got in the car forward slash metal coffin and left. unfortunatly our timing was off and we missed the film but by this point i finished my beverage and was ready for some more public drinking. no one else was though so we journeyed to the pub, where i met old freinds and made some new ones. and wouldn't you know it, the homeless man i robbed happened to be there. i was so glad to see him i almost bought him a drink. But didn't. after a few shots of the buca i was quite ready to dance. it was at this point my memory fails me but i can only assume that i challenged a greedy industrialist to a dance off upon which the fate of the local orphanage hanged and won. then possibly the sexy young female teacher of said orphanage who was also an orphan made sweet sweet love to me. in a rather disturbing manner-calling me daddy a lot. still it takes all sorts to make up the world

thought of the day-women steal dreams

devious beyond mere home owning standards

If you see Kay,
Tell him he may.
See you in tea,
Tell him from me.

Spot the dirty words. took me a while to work out where they actually were but i found em so I did. I went to the arches-a slightly more upmarket club-which paradoxically is located down a particulalry seedy alleyway. went with Dave, Jane, blofelt and canada. it was quite the venture but not really. still me and dave bonded in a manly hetrosexual fashion so i guess some good came of it. Not much else to report really, seems i won't be able to go home home for a while because of work but on the plus something something something. I fear i have slow digestive transit right now and its fairly uncomfortable so i'm just gonna end it there

Thought of the day...money is like sex, tis only a problem if you don't have any.

Awesomeo

Well my kind's been around forever
And I claim to be one of the few
But the lost cause of words
walks away with my nerves
Cause I'm gay as a choir boy for you

You got hair that recalls me of rivers
Runs softly while you dream of you
But your heart is so cold that it shivers
Cause that I know is I'm nothing to you

And I followed you into the party
That no one invited me to
I got so damn drunk and retarded
Fell down the stairs and right into you

But I watched you forget your belongings
And belongings you've got quite a few
I filled up your bag with my longings
And searched through this whole, wide city for you

And we'll walk 'neath the street lamps forever
You'll say you remind me of you
It's so damn cliche that it's clever
It's so fucking false, you think that it's true

I heard that you forgot that we were lovers
And lovers you've got quite a few
But you can't tell one from the other
Now, mama, now you're nothing to you


Two gallants are coming to glasgow, Preforming...somwhere on the 8th of oct! I plan on going obviously but due to the sad fact that no one else likes them i well have to gun it alone..which of course suits their music to a T. irregardless though-any takers?

spike bobagin

Mr Macoodles was walking his poodles
singing as he strode down the lane
from the bushes appeared a heard of deer
and heres what they had to proclaim

"you there sir, you've caused quite a stir
interupting our afternoon tea"
"so shut your trap, now theres a good chap
And we'll let you and your poodles be"

well needless to say, old Macoodles went grey
and nervously he summarised
"I'm sorry my...dear, but I find it quite queer
to learn of beasts that can vocalise"

"But never the less..my singing you detest!?
what unpresedented and shocking gall
If my singing is toff, then lets have a rock off!
and I'll show you all my awesome les paul"

Thus he whipped out his guitar...actually a stratocastar
and busted out one mega tasty schoolin of a lesson
well that shut them up, from to doe up to buck
and they retreated back throughly and thouroughly deafened.

vodka women porn, food optional

Well I didn't start the fire
its always been burning
since the worlds been turning
I didn't light it
But I tried to fight it
....Bet it was gordon with the gas again

tuesday-GOOD. hung out with very good friends for a while. we laughed, we cried and of course we drank. I learned of news that depressed the hell outta me though. and my bladder nearly exploded.
Wednesday was good too. me and dirty joe hung out at mine and made our way through a bottle of captain morgans. I whooped him at videogames and we watched movies and talked of simpler times, when all you had to worry about was the embarrasment of being verbally abused by young children and sexually abused by old men. i suspect once i get to a certain age the situtation will reverse itself, cause everyone knows 14 year olds are whores, made to feel the way that every child shouldn't. Happy birthday, happy birthday.

I've been in an odd frame of mind as of late...maybe the government put something in the water. More likely its been brought on by my (breakfast of captains morgans?) habit of putting on music and listening and staring into space. causes the mind to wander some. Thats really the only time you fully appreciate the whole song, music lyrics and all. Unless its shitty dance drum and bass shit. It's BANISHED from the land. what I absolutley would recomomend to anyone... perhaps say a young indian lady that has taken to reading this sorry excuse for a blog and dreams one day of opening up a bakery/comic shop in poland with me...is some kate walsh. listening to your song never fails to make bob shed just the one manly tear that at the last second i manage to blink back so i don't have to feel its mocking caress across my cheek.

plans for today are working and eating. And we all fall down, theres not enough hours in our days

Sometimes I wish I had the nickname "the Iron liver"

did you kiss the hand that held you down

man oh man i cannot cope with being alone the amount of time that i am in fact alone. last night i was gonna call some friends for a chat out of sheer lonliness but heres the kick in the crouch sports fans...I didn't. It just seemed kinda pathetic to call up people that probably doing more intresting things and saying "talk to meeeeee" And i know its not in the slightest a bad thing to do this but i've always had this slight martyr complex that i have totally learned from my old man. simply put you know your doing the right thing when it makes you miserable to do it. now what kinda a moral code is that to go by? I'm fairly certain andrew has it to and to be blunt sometimes i suspect hes upholdin it in more painful ways that i am

on the subject of brothers i have decided to make more of an effort with jamie. we we're both happy with the casual cruelty and slight indulgence we gave each other for a time, but now both me and andrew are out the house its kinda putting the spot light on his life. simply put i don't think highschool is for him. for most of my time there i hated highschool but sad fact is highschool hates him. it is a place that is fricken geared to castin him out on the peripherary of anything good about it. i really really hope he busts a nut this year on his english and biology and ole bobby boy will be first in line to give uber praise if he sticks it out this year.

on slighty more upbeat sidenote, me and dave played THE MOST AWESOME ACCOUSTIC EVER. 600 smackeroos though so purchasing was not an option for bob in any shape or form. and that was the end of that. still, if i come into money by happenstance, perhaps on my new venture to teach greek receptionists new obscure english words photonically (shoropodist anyone?) then just maybe.

i wish i wasn't lazy to the point i need somone yelling at me to get me to do stuff. if wishes we're fishes we'd all be eatin steak.

everybody loves rob(mund)

I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and said "damn thats a lotta hair" and that was just my chest. but as of late my mane is lookin fine on account of the fact that I have started (pretty much by accident) using conditioner. and let me tell you, it makes a difference baby. 3 whole people have commented and 1 actually took it upon themselves to run their hands through it (slightly innappropriate of josh, given we've been workin together for less than a week) BUT, i have always firmly beleived that anyone whos thinks of themselves as very good looking is, simply put a bit of an arse. So in no way have I let the many many comments about my sexyness go to my head, which coupled with the fact I have decided to avoid the lameness of the drunken pull means that ole bobby boy is much the same as ever.

Anyhoo, recent events involve-being coerced into assisting the robbery of a bar, though my accomplice allegedly knows the owner so its cool. Being forced to guard the 10 bottles of wine in the middle of the street. Turning down a co workers drunken advances. being asked to break down a door. failing to break down a door and hurting myself. and being scared to death by a naked woman. well not scared i just felt a tad awkward. pretty good night actually.

Then there was the swellness of the collectible convention that me emma and kat went to. bought some cheap ass comics and failed to meet giles. did see seamus from the harry potter films though. it was a fun day out but dang and blast no alcohol was involved. still i do love hanging with them classy ladies in pirate and witch hat respectively.

also i watched sister act 2 (far better than the 1st in my opinion) and babe (far better than the 2nd)

if i had words i'd make a day for you
I'd sing you one golden and new
I'd make this day last for all time
with a night all bathed in moonshine

baby's on the half tip

Plans keep going awry as of late. mainly because I never plan anything. Night out in glasgow with ross and jane-ABORTED. night out with with Joe and his lady friend-DELAYED. Geek fest with emma and kat-UNLIKELY. then there are a couple of other things that are really gettin me down that i don't mention for various reasons. details would dissapoint and perhaps disgust my readership. Also I'm hungry

enough emo though. I've been home a few times which is fine and dandy. celebrated rosses birthday in typical style, just hung out at his and shot the shit with the whole family. even bought his mum a bottle of wine so she'd drink with me. christ knows why but the palmers always seem to enjoy a visit from bob, or maybe thats just wishful thinking on my part.

something fairly awesome did happen though. my brother his girlfriend and pepsi max came through for her birthday and invited me out with them which was swell. we went to the cat house- a magical place where people in black style their hair impressivly large and all women seem to wear corrsets. the music of course was mostly naff but then i don't think a club on earth exists where it turns out to be to bobs taste, so we mostly just sang our own upbeat 90's pop rock. a plus of the cat house is that i don't get treated suspiciously for havin lotsa hair on my face, a minus being that I am sick and tired of these muthafuckin goths in this muthafuckin club. a nice suprise was seeing friend of a friend who'd i'd like to consider a friend gail. even more awesome was that her 2 friends knew of the heart warming thing that is highschool musical, thus immediatly endearing themselves towards me. unfortunatly I think at the very end I may have commited a bit of a social "fo pah" Guess I'll find out next time i see jane though it may well mean an ass kicking.

Finished reading starship troopers. damn good book if a tad smug about its own social commentary. todays exciting plan on my day off work-read paper and eat at subway. livin the dream man, livin the dream

update

An attempt was made at my life. crazy ass gordon left the gas on with no flame when he went out at 5am for work and i only discovered this at 9. windows were open though so death was averted. And thats the 1st intresting thing to happen in the flat. his girlfriends coming over today which i actually like cause it gives another person to talk to. He also has a resit today which reminded me that I have one too. its on the 20th and i'm really not sure if i should bother. much rather do another elective in 2nd year and it is in no way essential to furtheriung my own auspicous ends.

I called (well texted-anyone that knows bob knows what hes like on the dog) that girl and we met in a pub. I did it for the worst reasons possible-boredom and lonliness. rob k prince of pathetic. and it went BAD. 1st off she had clearly spent a lot of time on her appearance and i just kinda shambled in so felt guilty bout that. then it turned out we had zippo in common and the conversation just became more forced and painfully starined. Then I started talking about masturbaton for ages (christ knows why) and i think she kinda gave up on me at that point. we exited the stage with the implication and unspoken understanding that we would not be seeing each other again. On the plus though, it confirms my suspicons that i may well not be ready for female relations again and even if i am, i should get to know them first.

Team sexy geek met up! dirty joe is back from lands afar with a lame tatoo and we had a reunion with petite emma in the union. I never realised how much i miss shooting the shit with them 2 and many tales were swapped (i really don't think my own story was anything to brag about-i told it out of shame) and drinks were quaffed. Emma is fast becoming "one of the others" ie a drinker so hurrah for that.

And the heatwave makes work shit. can't remember the last quiet day. still, whatever pays them bills. 2G's old album the throes is pretty dang good

recovered

Well, pirate epilepsy night was...intresting to say the least. After showing upalmost 3 hours too early ("I said 10 TO 1 Robert, not 10") me jane and the stirling chap that was dave met at the station and proceeded to the ark. quite a nice place, but as always i was outraged that I had to pay more than 2 quid a pint. there we met other people with the condition that I have been forbidden to make inappriate remarks about and they discussed it to some degree, sharing experiences and difficulties that they had encountered. though i was sorely (aha) tempted too, i did NOT chirp in "thats nothing, you should see my rash" on a quick side note in regards to rash, turns out wearing 3/4's to work is a genius idea and provides pleasant ventialation in problem areas.

in all seriousness though, i did learn some stuff that quite surpised me, such as that people with epilepsy often dislocate their shoulders during seizures and that they cannot have their sleep cycle disturbed without incident. I then had to do that most hated of all social skills, make small talk. I did it purely for their and my friend janes benefit as anyone who knows bob knows he is quite happy silently sitting in the corner with his pint glaring out at the world and all the shiney happy people within it. well, on some days anyway.

we then met up later for the highly coveted pirate night out. unfortunatly only dave and his ladyfriend put in any real effort and spent the night guilting everyone else about their lack of pirate regalia. however as i have always said, a pirate is made so by his drunken salty swashbuckling attitude, as opposed to any outfit he may be attired in. sides, MY HAT GOT STOLEN. damn fine pirate hat it was too, made me a fricken babe magnet. this was in campus, where i had to play baby sitter to some degree to these people that were quite clearly not used to gong out and drinking. almost as trying as it was not to perve over daves lady, whos pirate outfit was ever so slightly revealing in both the leg and chest areas. reckon i did a good job on both accounts so alls well that ends well. no fights and few real problems.

a girl gave me her number. she was pretty and seemed nice but i don't think i'll call her. not sober anyways, far too daunting a prospect for that. clubs in my opinion, are terrible places to meet people. musics too loud and everyones too drunk for you to get a sense of who they are.

and then i slept, then worked then slept, then worked and then finally recovered.

pirate epilepsy

i'm not too sure of the point of the blog anymore, too be honest. too scared to put my really deep down dark opinions on to it. still, it kills the time that desperatly needs to be killed, so you're all just gonna have to put up with guarded opinions and hidden meanings. don't get me wrong, though i have few real convictions I will say whats really on my mind in a one to one scenario that hopefully includes drink. not on the scary, porn laden place of the internet though, no siree. anyhoo

tommorow is epilepsy pirate awareness day, where i shall make good use of my beard that I have been cultivating and make inappropriate remarks regarding said condition. Its gonna be swell though it does mean an early rise. not too daunting a prospect given work-the one constant in my fairly dull routine-quite often means the same.

A worrying thing has happened at work. on hearing that I did journalism at uni paul the builder/press advisor has seen fit to include me in various press and publicity work that i really don;'t know or care too much about. I mean i never intended to be a journalist, it was always creative writing for bob, despite the fact I refuse to identify myself as a writer. Just seems a tad pretentious too me, like an art student going on about some shitty dandy warhole painting. so what if he was the first to do it. far as i know I was the first to mix chiken and sardines in a sandwich but i don't bang on about it and try and pass it off as anymore than a nutirtious delicious snack.

On the plus side i finished harry potter, panned out pretty much how expected and was good but kinda got cheesey at the end. and as i indeed predicted-harry got some! kudos to the boy who lived without taking advantage from 1st year of all the women who wanted to whore themselves to him.

another plus is the return of 3 wayward companions. of major note is CL, the first good friend I had in this mean city. I had been growing increasingly worried about the silent treatment i had been recieving from her and tis a relief to know shes still here. plus joe and emmarrrr are back from their hols (i myself too poor to venture abroad) and with any luck we shall all be quaffing and swapping tall tales of sexual conquest/incompetence/repression (well I will) next tues. 2 nights out in the space of a week! christ my social calander must be suprised.

I also had a very nice time going back to the folks for a few days. might sound lame but I am genuinely proud of my parents and having gone a month or so without seeing them for any length of time it was very good indeed to see them. saw a whole heap of friends and have become convinced i need to get rossy boy in the big smoke to cheer him up.

time for a slash now, so later

I wanna spend all your money!

Hell of a lot has happened since last post. some of it funny, some scary and some painful...

Saw Harry potter wooo! best one by far and amazinlyg i didn't look like a dirty old man in the cinema as a lot of young women had dragged their boyfriends too see it. there was much forlorn muttering about die hard 4 during the credits. Jane came too so I wasn't even a lonely loner bastard as I suspected i might have been.

Me jane and emmarrrrr also had a night out of beveraging which was swell. lends support to my theory that it doesn't matter what you do with your time, its who you do it with that really matters. Not that I've done either of them, why'd i want to wish that horrible and awkward experience on those i care about.

The leaving party for the chefs-OH MAN. some details are simply unfit for a public access blog like this. needless to say it was certainly intresting and i think i've found a way to scam free drink in a big way. just go to a gay bar and looked all tired and worn. I must have had about 5 offers. So yeah, my first gay bar. have to say not all that bad. drinks were cheap and the music was excellently cheesey (lot of kielly) It was only in the toilet things were horribly...well gay. not that I'm phobic about such things. I just don't care to see anyone doing anything to anyone in that kinda way. And yes, i know I'm sexually repressed so bah. and no I'm not gay. As the joke at work goes-possibly bi-deffinetly not curious.

The party continued on to annas girlfriends flat which was very swanky. I'm very jealous of anna cause her girlfriend is awesome in many ways. I even said to her "damn you for being a lesbian!" it was all kinda surreal cause it was me and about 10 women-half of them lesbians just drinking away. then they all started dancing with each other and i went for a very cold shower. and THEN bad things happened. won't give details but i sure as hell felt the urge for another shower and maybe a metal scouger.....

work was hell the next day-for the simple reason i had not sleep finished at 4 went home and went to bed at 8. slept for 13 hours and felt great in the morn. Today at work was fine sides from the fact i caused mike to slip and fall quite hard-which he guilted me about for the rest of the day. I mean if he made me slip I wouldn't care at all and he'd make many jokes about it. I really do worry bout him cause his life to be frank seems shit. and his health is even worst. in so many ways he reminds me of my big brother. I just kinda want to take him aside and say. "look you gotta sort yourself out, cause if things continued as they are-you are quite literally going to die" it be pointless though. respect for bob aint too high and in no danger of rising

that was his routine

Been a fair while since a post. Appologies to all concerned-ie not many. been working a fair bit though and theres something about washing dishes and pots for 6 to 10 hours that leaves the mind feeling fairly dulled. The fulltime KP james is on holiday so I'm havin to pick up a fait bit of slack-which is fine by me. Means I;'ll actually be in funds for once and is also keepin me busy. Busy hands of course being callused burned cut smelly happy hands. Also sometimes its good to have a numbed out brain. quite a terrible thing to be left alone with nothing but your thoughts for any great length of time. aint to keen on some of this things that cross my mind as of late. anyways...
All the bloody chefs that I like soo much are leaving and it sucks big time. sad as it sounds we were getting fair close and they're the only people i see on a regular basis. Still, least there'll be a few leaving parties where i will hopefull get some free hooch at.
Missed jamies (brother numero duo) birthday but made it up to him when he and the folks visted. we went too the shops and I told him he could pick something under £20. so the bugger hunts high and low till he finds a game that is £19.99. bah, i'm a poor student damnit and that could have bought a good bit of drink.
Hopfully seeing some friends (I do have more than one believe it or not) soonish though it will be a struggle with work being such a predominant thing. may well mean going without much sleep but tis better to go through life on highs and lows rather than some bloody steady unwavering stright monotonous line.
PLayin guitar a lot as of late too, really need to hunker down and write some of my own shit. theres this cool laid back coffee place nearby that does open mike and it be pretty awesome if i could get myself up to preforming standard.
and theres a whole bunch of other stuff that i could write about but won't cause its all fairly naff like andy warhole-made the mistake of saying that at work when i was talkin art to art students. I still think comic book artists are far superior

reasons to stop writing.

The Mystery of the Missing Schnitzel
AKA-the worst short story ever

Jack wandered through the jungle. Suddenly a polar bear leaped out from the long grass and reared up in front of him.
“Crap”
Then, from out of nowhere a man strode confidently forwards.
“Don’t move” he said in a voice jack instantly recognised. “It can’t see us if we don’t move!”
Jack froze, and sure enough the polar bear began waving its head from side to side in puzzlement. It soon gave up and left the two of them.
Jack turned to thank the man, but all that came out was “Wow! David Attenborough!”
“Indeed I am”
“Thanks for saving my life Mr Attenborough. I though that bear was going to gut me like a salmon being mauled by a lion”
“No problem at all, and please…call me David”
“Can I call you Dave?”
“No”
“Whatever Davey” Jack muttered as he awoke. He yawned and looked at the clock. Christ it was early, not even past the crack of noon yet. He considered having a lie in, but his stomach and bladder reminded him of more pressing needs.

After taking care of the more immediate threat of urination deficiency, Jack wandered into the living room. Lee was sat there, watching TV.
“Morning Lee”
“Hey man”
“Had that dream again”
“The one where you’re toilet paper or the David Attenborough one?”
“My tight compadre Dave of course. Why you up so early anyway?”
“Slept in the chair. The bedroom still smells funky from last week”
“Well I told you it was no place to brew moonshine in” He caught sight of a box on lees lap. “Any pizza left?”
“Nah, Big Ted came in at 3 and finished what was left”
“Who the hell’s big Ted?”
“Dunno man, but he kept rubbing my thigh and asking how I was feeling”
“Hmmm, maybe best if we not let him in again” Jack wandered in the direction of the kitchen.
“At least he takes an interest in me!” Lee called after him.

Jack went into the kitchen. He went to open the fridge and get out the schnitzel his mum had made him last week. He loved schnitzel and had been saving it for a special day. It hadn’t come so today would do. He had even labelled it “Jacks schnitzel, Hands off” so none of the other light fingered bastards would nab it. Well today was schnitzel time, and it would go down fine.
He opened the fridge and searched. And searched some more. Then he swore. And swore some more. Slamming the door shut he stormed into the living room.
“Where the hells my Schnitzel Lee?!” he demanded
“huh?”
“My fucking schnitzel you asshole. Did you eat it eh!? Like Eve eating the forbidden fruit you you you serpant! Striding into my garden fridge and taking what didn’t belong! ARGHGH”
“Hey man, I aint moved from this spot in 12 hours”
“Not even to piss?”
“Got my porta-loo set up right here” he said, lifting a beer bottle that had a funnel on top.
“Ha, a likely story. Well I won’t rest till I find out who did this. Wake up Kyle and Ron! We’re all gonna sit down and untangle this web of lies and intrigue till I know the truth. And swift retribution shall fall upon whom so ever is found guilty!”


Jack strode around the room, looking at each face. He had found his pipe, and was puffing away industriously. It contained something slightly more exotic than tobacco though, and his eyes moved about their sockets in a deranged fashion.
“I’m glad you could all come on such short noticccces.” He drawled. “I appreciate the fact that it’s been a tough time for all of us”
“Well, we all live here anyway…or have we been evicted again?”
“Quiet Kyle, I’m asking the questions here”
“Yeah Kyle. Shut up man and let the man talk man” said Lee
“Indeed Lee. Indeed. Now let me call to your attention THIS!” Jack picked up an empty plate from a nearby table. “Can anyone tell me what this is?”
“Urghg” Said Ron, who was still seriously hung over
“That’s right Ron. My empty Schnitzel plate, where my schnitzel was. Except I never got a chance to chow down on this most tasty of meat dishes. No, instead some asshole STOLE it, like a talking dog would steal a talent show”
“Well I’m a vegan, so guess that rules me out” Kyle said after the brief silence that followed this monologue
“That also means you’re a lefty, with harmful free thinking that directly combats the ruling elites. For all I know you probably set it free to roam like an antelope! However, it wasn’t your room I found this plate in. It was…YOURS RON!”
“Blurgh?”
“That’s right you little bitch, it was you. All evidence points that way, and now I’m gonna karate kick your ass”
Jack leaped and tried to kick Ron, who still hadn’t a clue what was going on. But because he was stoned out his face he fell backwards into Lee. The pizza box on his lap fell off and sprung open, revealing a half eaten schnitzel.
“My precious!” Jack said, going for it. He knocked over Lees porta-loo and the contents spilled over the schnitzel.
Jack looked horror struck, but then shrugged and ate it anyway.
“I guess that’s the end of this groovy mystery” Kyle said

meh

nope, aint gonna mention that. instead....

tummy hurts. need to really eat more regularly. had a calzoney at work, which was nice. reckon i could make one of em if i had to. simple enough, just a brutti bread (which i can also do averagely) folded with the stuff cooked inside. food is good. take it from a man that used to try and sleep for 12 hours a day so he only had to have 2 meals a day. ah poverty, what a distant memory you are. So is the pain in my leg which it seems bloody everyone knew about and discussed on a regular basis. for the last bloody time its not a latex allergy. hell the shlong is fine, dare i say super sexy fine. but not really. I dislike subway now cause the 6inch sandwiches intimidate me and make me feel less of a man. particularly the meat ball marana. how could i possibly compete with a 5 testicled monstrosity like that

Got all the shit sorted out with my previous land lady. kinda a relief cause i had this nightmare scenario in my head where glasgow city council sues me for gross negligance or something. lesson learned there anyways-tis a bad idea to agree to a deal when the person you agree with can't speak english so well and you end up without a clue as to what the hell is going on.

back home for the weekend. tis a good place to be. tad concerned about andrew-health wise he's in worst shape than i probably was. And yet he still does these franky scary 60 hour working weeks on occasion. no worries though, we all know what misery seeks. a tweleve dollar hooker named krystal-with a k of course. heck been a while since i was last approached by a prostitute-reckon its a good sign about my new accomodation. all these scary "youth" kickin about though. its enough to make a 6ft tall broad shouldered angry young man like myself be afraid to venture outside. How dare they play in a public area in the sunshine-those monsters.

tired and tipsy, off to bed. mayhap see a few of the lads tommorrow

those are a few of my favourite things

Your visions been blessed if I'm still fully dressed,
but before you leave me, here's one last request
Well no I don't care, no I don't mind,
if you don't hear a word from this broke heart of mine.
But can I borrow your face just to unload my mind
borrow your face just to unload my mind.

Well now I know I'm pathetic, I'm the sage of absurd,
but I won't violate you with touch but with words,
but there's no need to ask, shut your mouth, raise a glass,
but the youth that you drink to's already the past.
And the boy on your arm girl, you know he won't last,
the boy on your arm girl, you know he won't last.

My Madonna's undressin', her robes are all torn,
and I swear that she's callin' my name.
but for all her caresses, my senses are worn,
the feelin' is gone, and sweet lady, you just don't taste the same.

And I'll drink just to drive, if my love don't arrive,
I don't wanna survive, I don't wanna survive,
and all that I know is, I smile just for show,
and nobody's listenin', but everyone knows.
So just sit back and watch while my memory corrodes,
sit back and watch, while my memory corrodes.

And I curse my own comfort for the deaf and the blind,
'cause it's dark as a dungeon way down in my mind.
And I wake on the floor with my country at war,
and I wish I could care but my liver's too sore.
And if liquor's a lover, you know I'm a whore,
if liquor's a lover, you know I'm a whore.

My Madonna's undressin', her robes are all torn,
and I swear that she's callin' my name.
But for all her caresses, my senses are worn, the feelin' is gone,
and sweet lady, you just don't taste the same.


two gallants are a small american band that no one knows but me. Their songs are pure poetry as you can well see

ego trippin on the gates of hell

there have been various complaints/complaints, about the lack of spelling and grammar and shit like that. well I have a few complaints of my own. I'm hungry and I spend too long alone and when the toilet upstairs flushes it makes a god awful racket that makes me want to kill small rabbits. so now we have things in perspective lets all look at my prospects. or not

had a nice not really romantic evening with my ladyfriend who always try avoid mentioning on this blog cause of internet piracy or something. cooked her chow-porkchop with (HOMEMADE) appple sauce and baby new potatoes. tasted good BUT my tummy hurts so i'm slightly worried about salmon ella or something along those lines. we then proceeded to spend the rest of the evening with my good friend dylan morran who fricken rocks. And then she left and I felt so alone so I went into gordons room and curled up beside him in bed and then he woke up and it was incredibly awkward and then I drowned my sorrows in cheap vodka and cheaper coke and wept tears of salt water.

today I cleaned some dishes and i also cleaned the toilet with my own urine. less brown more yellow is my motto. but not in a racist way so kindly don't kick me outta big brother even though its crrrrrraaaaappppp. I'm workin tommorrow morning (I think) and stuff like that.

BORRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEDDDDDD. I wanna go home and see my folks. bah I get homesick after 2 days. my brothers super awesome lets go crazy i wanna have your babies 21st birthday is coming up so that'll be as good a reason as any to trundle on down.

I tried to write a stand up routine last night. heres some of it

"An errection is a bit like a bus. you wait ages for one and then two come along at once. and theres always a moody old lady on it"

Once again. BOOOOOORRR3EEEEEDD

!

seems theres to be an orgy at my place next tues
what can we expect?
MACHINES
christ kinda worried, doesn't make such a good impression on the nieghbors when you're organising group sex after a week of movin in
i kid of course...leastways i hope its kidding
regardless there will be hooch and me owning at videogames. just like back home man. good times

JANE

There once was a girl called jane
who was quite the opposite of lame
she was quite partial to vodka and lemonade
and after a few liked to sing and serronade
and after a few more she would expose her chest
and flash her awesome and fantastic breasts
but not really thats just what i tell her to do
cause ole bobby boy can be pretty crude
but in all seriousness jane is pretty cool
and sorry this song sucks but i need a drink
alalalalalalalala and an amusing aardvark
dum dee dumm dummmmmmmmmmmmmm
dum

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

big ole 19 today. and thats about it really. thats all it feels like. just a number. mayhap its cause i'm all on my lonesome right now (hopefully seein some friends later) Still, its all good.
Moved into the new place. Old man said he'd even pay that little bit extra for me to have the bigger room with the sweet on sweet shower. got the guitars in-man i've been missin that accoustic so no excuse now for any decline in skill. Heck the place is NICE. Even had a bloody cable tv box thing installed so i can catch all my cartoons. Tad worried about gordon though-my flat mate and the man i have to thank for such sweet digs. He's been gone an auful long time despite promising to cook me din din (i kn0w-pretty intresting)
so Got no bloody excuse at all to be all Muselmann and emo. ole bobby boy will be shittin fire and kickin ass in no time at all, you can count on it. man this feels kinda disjointed today, but thats exactly how i feel. new bed means not soo much sleep means a little bit of lacking in cohearency. spelling is of course, always bad. and thats about it really. well no its not but its all i can focus on. Also, preacher is fricken awesome as is sudocrem.

what has he got in his pocketses?

man yesterday was awesome. After an entirely dull weekend of working it came as quite the suprise to. but what could cheer up bob soo much, i hear you cry. weel i got....FREE HOOCH. once I had finished my shift David-the most awesome frenchman since Inspector Jacques Clouseau (yeah yeah i know) handed over my cut of the tips, which was quite hefty. Hence i decided to stay and buy him and me a beverage. BUT we got it for free, along with 2 others later. My shot of monkeys shoulder wasn't free, and dissapointingly turned out to be whisky, but hey its all good. so we had this real manly talk about love, life, politics (not my choice) and drugs in comparison to sex. Hell i prob looked as pished as a fart I was laughing so much. also, seems when you're dehydrated from workin in a hot sweaty kitchen then the alkeyhol goes into your system quicker. hopefully there'll be no disparging comments next time i show up

I learned how to play Go yesterday too, rather than revising. its soo much more intresting. for those not in the know about Go, its a game similar to othello but about a billion times harder. indeed it seems harder than chess to me, which I am quite reasonable at, and I've yet to win a game online.

Before that though, david told me THE most awesome riddle I have ever heard. Being quite keen on riddles and word games (NERD) I feel i could wholly aprreciate it. I even solved it after an hour or so of yes no questioning. quite shameful when you see how simple it really is. if anyone solves it without the aid of the internet, I'll be impressed.

"A person is pushing their car to another persons hotel. when they get there, they are going to owe that person a lot of money. explain this"

heres the big inside scoop to solving it team. think outside the box

I bring the money I take the blame

Righto, seems that sloppy Joe has done and dusted with his blog, so I'm gonna try and pick up the slackeroo and get some extra shit in, much like a man at an all you can carry fertillier sale. And lets face it folks, while he may be a better writer i have far better hair. My lady friends away for a while, so looks like for the next week its back to the tried and tested plan of sitting in with some alkeyhol and singing "All by myself" HOPEFULLY next time I see her we will be seeing wheatus and quaffing down cheap booze. Depends what nasty ass shifts i'm given at work. Tad worried about the new chef. very much a lads lad-loves his beer and his strippers, whereas I'm slighty lacking in machismo unless its a false facade to impress and undress all you ladies.
ummmmm...had a subway again, so that was nice. workin tommorrow, which isn't. watched all of yu-gi-oh the abridged season which was awesome, though i feel i did stoop to new levels of nerdyness. also move over jack dee, my new fave comedian is...dylan morgan or possibly morran. the point is hes a crazy drunken irish dude and you can't get much more awesome than that. I have 2 exams left and i'm just findin it so bloody hard to care about them. the weekends gonna be tough actually, i got zippo to look forward to and that bastard KD figured he'd rub it in my facial hair that all the old crew are goin out to the pub for fun and frollicking. my plans tonight? well i aint exactly got that friday feeling, maybe read a book drink some wine and write some poetry about ornately carved staircases. and microwave dinner of course. but first i'm gonna slay some more time online. wikipedia better add some new articles cause i'm in quick danger of readin em all. my fave 2 are pastafarian (my new religion) and canine freestyle dancing, which makes me wish i had a dog soo much more. incidently male mice have no nipples

new

been a while. damn exams taking up most of my procrastination. also i got not much to write about..so jane will

Hey there avid readers...Jane speaking. Erm I don't think I have much to say either, History sucks for one. I'm supposed to be studying women but we all know they are a waste of time plus dear Robert is distracting me with his racyness. Yes, he is racy. And falling asleep. Hmm...

I think everyone that reads this blog, and doesn't read mine, shoud immediately abandon this excuse for a blog, and go read mine www.outsideimdancing.blogspot.com. Go, laugh at me, comment, enjoy :) I also have an epilepsy one www.itsjustepilepsy.blogspot.com if that kinda thing floats yer boat.

And so to conclude, I love Rob. (But to dear Natalie: I DO NOT FANCY HIM)

Keep tellin yerself that jane. we all know bob is sex on a stick minus the stick. anyways, finished readin carrie and gonna give it to CL, despite its adult content. means i have a greater insight into the female psyche methinks. also ALMOST completed links awakening, makin it the FIRST zelda game i will have done so. fingers crossed. meetin my lady friend tonight. one very minor downside to the whole relationship ting is i now for the 1st time worry what i wear. makin a concious effort to avoid wearin food stained clothes. and I've decided i'm gonna make the effort to move in to gordons place by the end of next week. a man can only take so much of urine smelling coridors and nymphomaniac neighbors.

Something else happened that aint in quite some time. I got pissed off. being fairly laid bakc its not something that occurs often but what i bore witness to was just wrong. two big guys, the kind that think their hardmen and probably are and have an arseholish arrogance about them, they were yellin abuse and threats at this poor shit scared big kid. what made it worst was that the boys father was there, and the look of hopeless anger on his face was saddening in the extreme. and what did bobby boy do? jack shit of course. despite all these grand ideas i have about helpin folk out i always do jack shit. anyways, gonna maybe actually do some work now. and con someone into gettin me food. as always, ignore any grammatical errors and spelling cause i never check over

well well

well well indeedy. Quite well actually. extraordinarily well almost. heck give me a month and i reckon I'll have finally acheived a pretty decent form of happiness. only took me 6 months of pissing about and being miserable in this city, which is a damn sight better than the 5 years it took me at high school. Job-good, social life-improving, accommodation-soon to improve greatly. Healthy female relationship-OMFG I'm actually in one, now theres a first. like my main man jack johnson says, "this is how its supposed to be"
couple of downers, though i have improved greatly in all my various illnesses i'm still not quite 100%, and that better happen soon cause summer is really the only time i feel up to scratch. I've decided my flat is poison- i spent two days out of it and felt better than I had in weeks. Really cannot wait to move out, though hasty signing of contract means i kinda have to hang about another month or so. guitaring is damn painful now, what with work messing up my hands. I noticed a slight decline when i went home and busted a few mamajams. Another dampener on my rather upbeat life is the cold hard fact exams are fast approaching and i am far from prepared. Hell i've not been to spanish in 4 months, ?donde esta la bibliotech, pedro? but regardless of all that, right now i am content. plus my most excellent brother andrew gave me some comics which were awsome-preacher and priest. funny really, all our comic books seem to have ass kicking clergy in them-the most awesome being the legend that is BATTLE POPE-BUY NOW!!! saw a bunch of folk on sat that i hadn't seen in ages, everyones still much the same as how i remembered them and i dunno why i expected otherwise. half a year isn't really enough time for massive change. infact, as far as appearance goes, i'm the only one thats really changed, what with my impressivly long flowing mane that i have been cultivating with my special shampoo (ie soap, cause shampoos for rich folk) well best get the finger out and stick it in some literature. sorry for the late update my constant reader..(s?)

city life

Tiredly he walked home, carrying his meagre shopping-all of which was Tesco’s own brand. The leg, which had plagued him with pain for so long, was doing so again, aggravated by a dull 9 hour shift of washing pots and running errands. He was content though, life had recently and unusually good to him and he had a feeling things would continue this way.
A girl approached him, and that’s all she was. Just a girl, surely no older than 15. She looked cold and tired and miserable. He had an idea what she was going to say, but hoped that he had been mistaken. He wasn’t
“Looking for business mister?”
His heart fell. He shook his head feeling sorry for her. Living in such a neighbourhood he had come to expect sights like this. Yet never had it happened so early, or by someone so young.
“Sorry no thanks. Just tryin to get home”
“Ah, ok” she said, falling in step with him. “Its murder trying to find any this time”
“Hmmm” he said, like he had any idea about this whole different world.
He looked at her again. Frowning and feeling stupid he said “you hungry?”
She nodded
He went into his Tesco bag he pulled out an item
“Banana?”
She accepted it gratefully and ate it there and then. The darker part of him, the smart arse part that always had something to say thought, hmm, you gave a banana to a prostitute and she’s eating it. Hell you didn’t even need to pay to watch. He hated that thought, but there it was.
They came to cross roads and stopped.
“sure your not looking for business?”
“yeah well I have a girlfriend”
“oh”
“yeah like her a lot so…” he hated to dismiss her like this but there it was.
“well g’night mister and thanks. Take care”
“you too” He walked away, swearing at himself and wishing he had done more to help her. Being poor made it hard though. That cynical bitter part of himself told him that she was probably relying on the sympathy vote. That she was a scammer like half the other people in this shitty city were. Tiredly he trudged on.


That happened yesterday. Damn near broke my heart to see.

sel la vee

Man I’m finding it hard to keep this ole blog running. I always end up telling people everything over msn and it seems like I’m kinda repeating myself if I do. Also the fact that I suck as a writer might have a teensy bit to do with it. Been workin hard at the hotel, and had some nasty shifts this weekend-9-4 sat 9-5 sun. this was made much worst by me going out with my good buddy Crow Jane on sat. she seemed down so I figured drinking and talking about lesbians would cheer her up. Slightly overdid it though and got home at 4 with only a few hours sleep before work-where I died a slow and agonising and smelly death. On the plus we met up with some random, yet very friendly people and I got talking to a young lady. She too was pretty damn nice though worried I tried too much of the rob k charm (its like super glue-too much is pretty dangerous) Talk was all we did, which was actually fine by bob and I had a fair good time shootin the breeze with her. Doubt I’ll see her again, got the vibe that she wasn’t too keen on my age-me looking older than I do means women tend to think the same and when I tell them my real age they usually have a sudden lost of interest. No doubt its karma, what with all this other pain (now developed an ingrown nail as well and my hands are a mess from work) felt fair guilty about ignoring Jane as well towards the end. 1st day of uni was nice to see all the gals again and had a good time being geeky with wee Emma while we were on the grass (well we are students…) Had no classes at all, but I came in anyways just to have a little bit of social contact. Kinda hungry now, so it’s a mile walk/hobble home and then chow time.

fool me thrice

I see Jane mentioned dreams in her blog. I almost had a cool one. See I can do a nifty thing with dreams. When it’s a nightmare and it’s all getting a bit scary hairy, then I can actually concentrate and turn the dream in my favour. Hence, when these big ass demons started chasin me last night, I just imagined myself with one hell of a big sword and was just about to kick ass, when the phone awoke me. Ah well, maybe some other time
I have started up with The Stand again recently. Now that I’m halfway through things are happening and its all fairly kicking ass. Talking bout the book here-Steven king. Really do love his shit. Dark tower kicked ass-kinda fell apart at the end though, but whaddya gonna do?
The leg. Oh man the leg. Hell it got so bad I had trouble getting to sleep sometimes. I know I said I wouldn’t mention it again but there have been numerous…developments. 1st off I discovered Johnson’s baby powder was actually making it worst. My folks informed me of this after the pain got too bad and I fessed up to them. Mum being a nurse recommended suitable treatment, which finally lead me to discover what it is I got. I’d just like to say it is NOT something as exotic as an STD, which I worry some folk think it may be. Its just a result of malnutrition and illness. So there. With any luck I’ll be able to do a chuck Norris round house within a week.
Anyways, work is getting better. Getting to know (and dare I say woo…) the staff a bit better and can ask for meals and drinks now-both free. I also get paid weekly, which I think is better-no blowing one huge wad of money in one that way. Toilet still broke-leaving it so for another month might be a tad impractical…we’ll see what happens.
Out on tues with some of the crew-pretty decent turn out. A 12 hour drinking session is pretty damn tiring though and I was mega shattered at work the next day. I figured a new form of political protest out. As well as not paying my bills and taxes I’m also not going to vote. Ha talk about sticking it too the man, voting’s just what he wants us to do. More a fan of a one-ocracy myself, ie governing no ones actions but your own
Still alone a lot, still bored even more

stuff

well, checked out that flat. Quite fancy actually, though from the look of things my room will be slightly smaller. but basically everything else will be bigger, better and not covered in mould, so its more than fine by me. Its slightly further away than my current flat is from work and uni, BUT has far better transport links, so i can actually get the bus. Hopefully then distance will not be a problem in the slightest.
Yesterdays outing with double barrel carol was fairly enjoyable. we did the usual thing of me sponging food off of her whilst we talked guff. she seemed to think my spider man web slinging was the height of hilarity, which i thought a bit odd. I mean, its basically 100% coolness. also saw sammy sam, which was a nice suprise given i haven't seen her since leaving school. never really talked though, damn shame
The toilet started leaking big style this morning, so i emptied the top basin thingy and turned off the water. Hence, when you flush nothing will happen. downstairs was complaining about it though and it was the only thing i could think of. no way am i ringing a plummer (unless it was the mario brothers), what with their crazy insistance on being paid. All we'll have to do is load up the basin each time you need a flush, no worries at all.
Had to change shifts today. did morning instead of night, which i actually prefered. Met one super fine sexy waitress....meh, AND the awesomeness that was gypise. No idea if thats his real name but it sure suits him. apparently he's been traveling the world for 3 years and is just the crazyest most awesome dude ever. He can actually say "hey man, just chill" and make it sound cool! I mean come on, thats awesome.
well with any luck i'll be able to convince someone to hit the town with me and drink away the pain. or then, maybe not. maybe it'll be a repeat of peebles girls night, where the only one drinking was meee. On the plus they let me have the bed, but on the minus none wished to share. I still can't belive i fitted them all in, some impressive use of space by there-namely putting the comfy chair on top of the desk. and wonder of wonders i actually had cereal for breakfast today, which they kindly left over.
by god i'm bored and alonely

norgy

Ok, no more whining about the leg. no doubt karma figured i deserved it and who am I to argue. Work is coming on nicely, though the shifts are tiring. maybe once i'm fully recovered from illness it'll be fine. Man I get ill a lot, about 1/3 of the year i spend not feeling chipper, and this sleep deprived food lacking alcohol abusing student lifestyle is certainly not helping matters. Again all brought on by my own doings, so who am i to complain. Gordon called about a viewing for a flat, which i'm actually a bit concerned about. If its too far away, then work-which took me soooo long to find-will be jeprodized, early shifts anyways. One can only hope. I also have clashing commitments tommorrow-agreed to meet up with bestest best buddy carol-louise at roughly the same time, but i'm sure things will work themselves out.
In other news there is not 1, not 2 not 3, hell not even 4 women staying over at my flat tonight. The grand total of 5 will be forced to do as i bid them (though they were totally ignoring me eariler, really hurt my feelings) Better explain all this actually, before i get a rep (TOOO LATE) the peebles girls (friends of freinds who i became friends with) are at the secc, which i live near to see razorlight. and ole bobby boy being all heart kindly agreed to let them stay over....wink wink. course it means i'll be on the floor tonight as house rules means i give up the bed to anyone that don't want to share it, but on the plus they bought me foooood, which is of course open. I also have that polish vodka and some strongbow for which to get us all tipsy and to lower their standards and good judgement. seriosuly though, i'll prob have drunk most of it before they get back. more on that story later

sore again, this time all over rather than just the leg-though due to the sweaty environment i was working in-that was fair aggravated to. Thats right-finished my shift at work-7 hours-bit more than I'd like but not as bad as i figured it to be. The work itself is fairly standard, nothing new or exciting, just a bunch of sweating and tedium. A slight concern is the fact that they only have one KP on duty at any time-so theres no one there to show me and sneaky tricks other such KP lore. In fairness though, all the staff that I met seem freindly enough and certain waitresses were slightly wuff wuff...not that that matters much, given certain manly problems.
Mike the head chef was particularly cool, though he did keep saying the same thign over and over-"let the good times roll in" I in turn tried to think of a different reply each time-"Oh yeah" "mmhmm" "like a thunder cloud baby" etc

not much else to say really-i'm kinda on my lonesome in the big city so its gonna be fairly quiet and boring for much of easter i suspect. Promised dave I'd go up to ayr and meet him, so may give that a go. and beyond that-who knows, or cares.

later eager beaver reader

hmmm

Well, got that job ting tommorrow. having to miss out on a rather impressive sounding pub outing beacuse of it. Sel la vee. But hey, ole bro got me some polish vodka, which i intend to..polish off..ahha ah. see what I did there. so that'll be good for a day or 2. The leg is actually lookin up 2. seems johnsons baby powder is the way to go, just goes to show you don't always need a manly solution to a manly problem.

In other news, seems I now suck at poker due to everyone else but me constantly playing it. Also, as stew (no, not writers soceity stew) was being such an arse yesterday, i've decided to give him the same treatment i give dave, ie flirt shamelessly with his woman (women more like) when hes around. Cause I'm a right mean bastard, and cause what does misery crave? thats right, another drink-which I will be geting now

THE PAIN

by god it was a sore walk home last night. fortunatly recent developments and a cache of paracetemol will and indeed MUST sort me out by sunday, for thats when i have my trial job at the slightly too fancy and boheimian brunswick hotel. I really cannot afford to not get it, and a busted leg will certainly not help me there. Nor will being as sick as a carrot-damn malnutrition-who'd have thought it would be such a nasty thing. going home tonight, home home that is, where my folks are. with any luck my brother will be back from poland with fantastical tales and plenty of cheap vodka. One can only hope.

shiney new disco balls

hurrah! I have made a blog, now time to chronicle my feelings

........I'm kinda hungry. food has this nasty habbit of costing money and I have this equally nasty habbit of investing my mula in more liquid assests.
In a bit of pain as well, sure sucks having a messed up leg when you gotta walk 2 miles to uni and back everyday. Maybe gettin a bit ahead of myself here, for those that don't know I'm rob and I like stuff in general. cartoons, lasers, brokensaints, whole heap of random tings.

Bah, been reading some other of the crews (Writers society for those not in the know) blogs. Christ they really lay themselves bare. Aint too keen on the idea of doing so myself. Maybe when i've been hitting the hooch I'll spew some random eh-mo guff about how unhappy I am about a whole bunch o stuff. Heck I'll even throw in a poem or 2 to boot.

meh, gotta walk up a hill soon, thats gonna hurt. Maybe i'll think of something smart to write later.